man loves me more. Conversely, however: if it doesn't work, I'm not loved.
And just because of this desire for recognition out then you do stupid things: You can be burdened eg mountains of work, because you do not dare to say no - the boss, the colleagues, the man could be mad at you. So love withdrawal. I exaggerate that quite deliberately - maybe you are only afraid of the conflict, want to have his peace.
Convention prevents saying no
And it is also a social convention, especially with women, that you are not loud, not rebelled, not "fidgeting", well-behaved yes, smiles nicely. Maybe the others have got used to the fact that everything is always organized, managed, thrown out and don't see the problem.
How strong this convention is, how much the boss, colleague, husband expects, is always noticed when you say no - then suddenly all are very, very, very surprised. One more reason to give it a try. If you do not dare, you can try it on a test basis in points where it is not so important - such as with small test balloons. Just look how far you can go to see what happens. Can be fun too.
No-say helps with time management!
This is so important because it is the solution to many time management problems: If you just think about it, what I want and what I care about and then focus on it and not from other people of its goal has already gained much.
Or by simply turning off the phone, the eMails not calling etc. It is important, however, that you argue your “no” well. The moment you freak out of sheer stress, it's already too late. You have to start much earlier and, for example, explain to the boss that he has more of it when they come to work rested. Or show that you can do the same in less time.
Respect please!
Because that's perfidious: the others often do not take it as badly as you might think. In Amy Chua's book, there is a very nice example: The older daughter, who always does well, what the mother says is shouted because she did something wrong.
And she complains that the younger daughter, who rebels against her and always defies, is never yelled at, but on the contrary bribed with gifts.
The others are always promoted
And it is exactly the same in professional life: it is not the promotion of those who have done a great deal. Because this is often the people who can not show themselves so well. And because the boss thinks: Hard working beekeeper, super, keep doing so.
But he does not respect the performance. This is exactly the case, according to a study by the Respect Research Group at the University of Hamburg. One is much more respected, if one is to its aims and which communicates friendly, but definitely.
Self-marketing and networks for introverts: 6 strategies for introverts
// By Dr. Sylvia Loehken
In order to feel good and be successful as a quiet person in a noisy world, the networking tips for extroverts, as they are given in many guides, will hardly help you. What you need is your very own strategy, with the help of which you can now network concretely and “quietly”.
Start immediately!
What I would like to give you is a first planning: start with the implementation of a single point immediately: How to get moving. Good luck!
Strategy 1: Set your own goals
In the case of a goal-oriented planning, your analytical skills are beneficial to you, which have many quiet people. But also the pursuit of the essence and your ability to concentrate will benefit you.
You should therefore be clear about the goals you are pursuing with your network activities. Are they private goals (such as relief, personal development, shared impulses) or professional goals (collegial contacts, information exchange, further training)? Now you can define which professional or private networks are of interest to you and where it is worth investing energy, time and money.
Strategy 2: Define your resources
As a quiet person, you know particularly well that the resources you need to network are limited. It is all the more important that in this second strategic step you consciously decide what you want and to what extent you want to "spend" time, energy and money.
So, ask yourself how much time (per day / week / month) and money (for example, for membership fees, travel expenses, meals, participation fees) you want to invest in your private or professional network activities. Basic rule: The more important the network, the more resources you should use.
Strategy 3: Make friends known to each other
Do you have people in your circle of acquaintances that you believe have something to say and benefit from each other? Then contact them. Communicate through social media and in conversation when one of your contacts has published or achieved something interesting: be it a book, an interview or an award (such as a prize).
This is how you make your acquaintance better known. With positive references to others and through active linking, you also make a positive contribution: they create a benefit for the participants and become visible as someone who likes to make others visible and uses them.
Strategy 4: Ask friends to introduce you to someone
This strategy works well even for high-ranking people, to which a large number of people go and the contacts are not quite stress-free. A mutual acquaintance or acquaintance works wonders here as a mediator.
You contribute to your success by thinking of getting a good start into the conversation. However, before you decide for yourself who you want to be introduced, who should present you this person and above all, what you promise.
Strategy 5: Be consistent
Good networks live above all on consistency. This means two things:
First, you should be active on a network for an extended period of time. Only then can you see the real benefits and your relationship work will bear fruit. The typical quiet strength "persistence" benefits you.
Second, consistency means you are patiently building and maintaining your contacts. This includes communicating with the people you find interesting in the respective network.
Strategy 6: Stay up to date
This strategy closes almost seamlessly with the previous one. Because if you want to be successful with continuity, you have to keep a regular record of the events:
Who did you meet?
What do you find interesting?
What information about your conversation partner do you want to keep?
Many experienced networkers use digital networks such as XING and LinkedIn. There are also many contact management programs and apps, as well eMailPrograms with contact management options that you can use.
Young executives on the stony road to respect: tips for approaching bosses
// By Henryk Lüderitz
"Well, was there a coaching for you?" a former teammate asked me brazenly when we met in front of my superiors' office. I was extremely tense and about to give him my opinion. But since I had just been promoted to manager - certainly not the best tactic.
To give up or remain firm?