come on, Bel. Don’t be like that.’
‘Well, I just don’t like it, Steph. He leaves you and the baby on your own for weeks at a time. Anything could happen. He’s lucky you don’t find someone else to take care of you while he’s not around.’ She raises an eyebrow at me as I shake my head, a smile on my lips. Despite a tough exterior and a reputation for being a hard-nosed bitch, on the inside Belinda is as soft as spun sugar.
‘It’s fine, Bel, honestly. I knew what I was getting into when I married him.’ To some extent, yes … his behaviour six months ago, not so much. Belinda pulls a face and I think it’s best to change the subject. I don’t want to talk about Mark, about how he’s up and leaving me and Henry again just a few weeks after moving into a new home, a few weeks after promising me a fresh start. I don’t want to think about who will be travelling with him, or what he’ll be doing while I’m not there – that way madness lies. I’ll end up driving myself crazy wondering what’s going on, which is the reason why I took Belinda up on her offer of lunch today. I’m hoping she’s got some work for me, something a little more upmarket than ‘What He Thinks About During Sex’ and other such exciting features.
‘So? Why am I here, Bel? What have you got for me?’ Our starters arrive, steaming-hot, tiny bowls of creamy pasta with a Parmesan crisp sticking out of each one. I don’t know why Belinda bothers to order anything; it’ll just get pushed around her plate, while I will eat everything and then feel like a heifer afterwards.
‘I’ve got a great interview for you.’ As expected, Belinda swirls a forkful of pasta around her plate, before taking another sip of wine and letting the pasta fall from the fork before she’s even lifted it. ‘A TV star turned entrepreneur. Trashy-mag fodder turned rival to Alan Sugar. Darling of the reality-TV phenomenon turned bona fide business tycoon. It’ll be fabulous.’
‘Sounds intriguing.’ I shovel a forkful of pasta into my mouth, the morning sickness having left me famished. I have to eat while my stomach allows it; who knows how long it will be before the queasiness returns? ‘So, who is it?’
‘Melissa Davenport. You know, the girl that won that desert-island reality-TV thing? You must do; I’m sure you said Mark worked on that. She’s started her own lingerie business; it seems to have really taken off. Everyone’s going crazy for it, so I’m thinking we strike while the iron is hot. While she is hot. She’s kept a low profile lately – obviously she’s been working on this business idea of hers – but if we can get an interview with her now, before it all takes off, then we’ve got the scoop on all of the others. What do you say? Steph?’
The pasta has turned to ash in my mouth and I feel the blood draining from my cheeks. Melissa Davenport. Just the name alone is enough to start my stomach roiling in a manner far, far worse than morning sickness ever could. Saliva squirts into my mouth, heralding the fact that my stomach is about to revolt. Making my excuses, I jump up from the table and race towards the restaurant bathrooms.
Heart hammering, I make it to the ladies’ room just in time to watch the small amount of my starter, that I did manage to eat, come back to haunt me. Splashing cold water on my face, I raise my eyes to the mirror, not at all shocked at the fright staring back at me. My face is pale, dark circles surrounding my eyes. My fringe lies flat on my forehead, no sign of the sheen and bounce I carefully styled into it before I left the house. Sighing, I pat my face dry with a paper towel and make some effort to look normal by patting some powder onto my cheeks and adding a dab of mascara to my eyelashes. Satisfied I can pass Belinda’s inspection, I make my way back to the table. Belinda is on the phone and abruptly ends the call as I reach my seat.
‘Darling. Are you OK? Is the morning sickness really that terrible? Thank goodness I never found myself in the family way. I’d die if I had to get sick in a public place.’ Belinda wrinkles her nose in distaste and roots in her handbag for her Vape, dragging it out and puffing furiously. She’s not good with illness, or sympathy for that matter. I sit down, leaning back in my chair as the waiter fusses around our table, removing the plates. Belinda waves him away impatiently.
‘I’m fine. I’m sorry to spoil lunch. I don’t know what came over me.’ I sip at the glass of water next to me, avoiding Belinda’s stern gaze.
‘Don’t apologise – you can’t help it. If anyone is to blame, it’s Mark.’ Belinda puffs and gives a short bark of a laugh. If only she knew how true that was. ‘So, what do you think about the Davenport girl? Is she worth an interview? We could make her the cover – she sells magazines by the bucket load.’
‘I’m sorry, Bel, I don’t think so. I’m sure she’d give you a brilliant interview but I just don’t think I’m the right person for the job at the moment.’ Just hearing her name makes my stomach flip over. There is no way I would be able to stand being in the same room as her. Melissa Davenport. The woman who slept with my husband. The woman who tried to steal Mark away from me. The woman who tried to destroy my life.
My mother has agreed to collect Henry from school today, so that I can have a long, leisurely lunch with Belinda. With this in mind, I take a slow walk home instead of jumping on the tube. Belinda is incredibly understanding about my not wanting to do the Davenport interview, blaming my hormones and the pregnancy (and Mark), and I am thankful I never told her what happened between Mark and Melissa. He says it was a one-off, a reaction to how I was after Henry was born, that it was a mistake and that it is only me he loves. She, on the other hand, didn’t say much at all, only to beg me not to tell the papers, as it would destroy her career – she was concerned about being seen as a homewrecker (as well she should), although it’s just unfortunate that that didn’t cross her mind before the affair began. I’ve told no one, apart from my best friend, Tessa, about what happened between them, shame and humiliation making me keep silent. I told no one about how I found messages from her on his phone, messages that were anything but the innocent texts he said they were. I stomp angrily home, her name beating a tattoo in my head, the rage and hurt still as white-hot and fresh in my mind as it was the day I found out.
Lila is in her front garden as I make my way down our street towards my own front path. She raises a hand to me as I pass, pulling off a pink gardening glove as she straightens up.
‘Steph! How are you feeling?’ She smiles at me, a perfect row of white teeth gleaming, and for some reason I feel even crappier than I did before, imagining my teeth slicked with the vile taste of vomit.
‘Hey, Lila. Not great, I’m afraid. Morning sickness still kicking in at the moment. I’m just going to go and have a lie-down before my mum brings Henry back.’ I barely look at her as I fumble in my bag for my door key, juggling my phone in the other hand.
‘Oh, bless you, you don’t look too well. Go and rest up. I’ll be home if you need anything, just give me a shout. In fact …’ She pulls out her mobile and holds her hand out for mine, before inputting her number into my phone. ‘You just call me if you need anything, OK?’
I nod wearily, half raising a hand to her as I cross the street and let myself in. I need a hot bath, pyjamas and my little boy snuggled on the couch next to me.
Two hours later, when I go to the front door to let my mum in, Henry jabbering away nineteen to the dozen about the Christmas fair she took him to, I notice a tiny bunch of winter flowers tied together with a piece of raffia tucked into the corner of the porch. A small slip of white paper attached to the raffia reads, ‘Just a little something from my garden to cheer you up’. A smile touches the corners of my mouth. Even though I was so rude to her earlier, practically ignoring her in my haste to get indoors, to get away from everyone, she still thought about me. She still cared enough to leave me a gift to cheer me up. The thought of it is warming, and I resolve to fight against my instinct to push her away, to make more of an effort to let Lila in properly, as a new friend.
Mark calls later that evening to tell me not to wait up. It’s always like this the few hectic weeks before he and his crew go off on location to