How to Live. Judith Valente

us a blueprint for how to live:

       Pray for your enemies out of love for Christ. If you have a dispute with someone, make peace before the sun goes down. And finally, never lose hope in God’s mercy.

      —FROM CHAPTER 4, “THE TOOLS FOR GOOD WORKS”

      These are things we probably should have been taught in kindergarten.

      I once interviewed a member of the Freedom from Religion Foundation, an association of nonbelievers. She happened to be a cancer survivor. She said death is what gives meaning to life. Believing that nothing awaits us beyond this life spurs us to make the most of this life. I think she got it wrong. I believe it is life that gives meaning to death. As Joan Chittister writes, “The fundamental question for a Christian isn’t whether there’s life after death, but whether there’s life before death.”

      These days, as I hurtle toward middle age, I’m inspired by the artist Candy Chang. In cities across America, Chang creates interactive art installations that consist of a chalkboard, often placed on the side of a building next to a bucket of colored chalk. Stenciled on the chalkboard is the sentence, “Before I die I want to …” Chang leaves space for people passing by to fill in their response. These are some of the responses people have written:

      Before I die I want to:

      

“Straddle the international dateline.”

      

“Sing in front of millions.”

      

“Plant a tree.”

      And one wish that catches in my throat every time I read it:

      

“Before I die, I want to hold him in my arms one more time.”

      The philosopher Steve Cave gave a talk a few years ago on National Public Radio’s Ted Radio Hour. His topic was, “Why Are Human Beings Afraid To Die?” Cave spoke of his own fear of death from an early age. It sounded very similar to mine. He said he eventually discovered a new way of thinking about death that helped him with his fear.

      “I find it helps to see life as being like a book,” Cave said. “A book is bound by its covers … so our lives are bounded by birth and death.” He continued by saying that the characters in a book know no horizons. They are not afraid of reaching the last chapter, because they only know the moments that make up their story. We humans who are characters in life “need not worry how long our story is, if it’s a comic strip or an epic,” Cave said. “The only thing that matters is that it’s a good story.”

      The only thing that matters is that it’s a good story. That is why we keep death daily before our eyes.

      There is a beautiful dedication that comes at the beginning of John Steinbeck’s novel East of Eden. Steinbeck wrote it for his editor. He likens his book to an exquisitely carved box. What he says about his box, I’d like to say about my life at the end:

      “Here is your box. Nearly everything I have is in it … Pain and excitement are in it, and feeling good or bad, and evil thoughts and good thoughts … the pleasure of design and some despair … and the indescribable joy of creation. And on top of these are all the gratitude and love I have for you. And still the box is not full.”

      This is what the living do. We put everything we have into our life. And on top of it all the gratitude and love we have for one another. May our boxes never empty.

      For Reflection:

      

How do I keep death daily before my eyes?

      

How would I finish this sentence: Before I die, I want to …?

      

How do those who have passed on remain present to me?

      

I will write a few paragraphs or draw a portrait of someone who modeled for me how to live. I will do the same for someone who modeled how to die.

      

I will create a mental picture of myself in my coffin, and the people at my funeral. I imagine the eulogy I would like someone to be able to deliver about me.