having sex.
“I want to leave,” I tell Adam.
With a finger, he guides my head to the left. “Look at that woman right there,” he says softly. “Look at the expression on her face as that guy is going down on her.” The woman is biting on her finger and her eyes are rolling backward. “She’s given herself over completely to the experience.”
I watch the woman, listen to her—then I swallow. Disgusted with myself for even looking, I jerk my gaze away. “And she probably doesn’t even know the guy.” I’ve only heard about swingers, never seen them up close and personal like I am now. “Adam, honestly—I’m not comfortable here.”
Adam all but ignores me as he takes my hand and guides it to his erection. My God, he’s rock hard. I’m not sure if I should be appalled or accept the reality that getting a hard-on in this environment is only natural.
A man and a woman, nicely dressed like Adam and I are, saunter in our direction. Alarm shoots through me when the woman, an older white lady, checks me out from head to toe. I lean against Adam, hoping he’ll protect me. From exactly what, I’m not sure.
“Hello,” the woman says.
“Not interested,” I reply quickly, wrapping my arms around Adam’s torso. I step to my right, dragging Adam with me. Adam shrugs as the couple continues to walk by us.
“I know you’re apprehensive,” Adam begins.
“That doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling.”
“Let’s find a corner.”
“What?” I shake my head. “Adam, no.”
“Just for a little while.”
My heart takes a nosedive into the pit of despair. I have done so many things to please Adam sexually, it’s like a slap in the face that he wants to get off while watching others.
He gives me a soft peck on the lips. “I know this is crazy. But we’ll be married soon. And I just want to…try something really different…just one time. Before we say ‘I do’ and commit to each other forever.”
I’m not exactly sure what Adam means. Worse, I’m afraid to ask. Does he want us to get freaky with some other couple and in the morning pretend it didn’t happen?
Because of Adam’s insatiable appetite for sex, I have done a lot of things that I otherwise wouldn’t have. Things I am embarrassed to admit. From exhibitionist-type sex to sex so kinky it would make my grandmother roll over in her grave, I have done my part to make my man happy. I’m a woman of the new millennium and I’m hardly a prude. But swapping partners—that’s a whole other story.
“We’ll have a drink, watch a little.”
“I’m not screwing some other guy. And I sure as hell don’t want to watch you screw some other woman.”
Adam squeezes my hand. “No, no. That’s not what this is about, sweetheart. This is about us. You and me. About the two of us experiencing all that’s out there before we settle down in marriage.”
“Are you unhappy with me?” I ask, dreading the reality that despite everything I try, I somehow fail to please him.
“No, of course not. You have my heart, and you always will. But we won’t be young forever. I don’t want us to have any regrets.”
“Regret that we never swapped couples?” I ask incredulously.
“I don’t want the day to come when we wish we’d tried something and regret having held back. This is about being open to new experiences.”
I really don’t know what to say to Adam. I’m getting that uneasy feeling, though, the one I get when I think I might lose him.
“I don’t want to be with anyone else,” he assures me. “I just want to watch…then I want to go down on you….”
Brazenly—or perhaps not so brazenly given the environment—Adam slips a hand up my skirt. He strokes me with his thumb, and despite my reservations, I feel a zap of excitement.
“I want to eat you with everyone watching,” he adds in a husky voice. “And then, I want to make love to you.”
I’m not sure about this, not sure at all. No, that’s a lie—I am sure. Sure that I don’t want to do this. But I think about my sister, whose husband left her because he said she was a prude, and I wonder if Adam would leave me over something like this. And if he did leave me because of my aversion to swingers’ clubs, then he’s not really the guy I think he is. But still, we’re engaged. I’ve got a lot invested in my wedding day and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t happen as planned.
“Just one time?” I ask.
His smile is like a neon sign, it’s so friggin’ bright. “One time, baby.”
I sigh softly as I let Adam lead me to a dark corner. And then I rationalize the fact that I’m going along with this: It’s just a crazy fantasy. Once he’s made it a reality, he’ll move on and we won’t have to deal with this again.
Chapter Two
Annelise
I am in the zone.
“Yes! Oh God, yes!” A rush of excitement flows through me and my breathing picks up speed. I love this part—the moment when we are completely in tune with each other. There is a comfort level now, and neither of us is holding anything back. The flow and rhythm is steady, and I am moving rapidly toward the moment of total satisfaction.
I press my finger on the camera’s trigger and snap a round of shots. “Wonderful. Now, get a little closer. That’s right. You love this woman. Let it shine from your soul. Angle your head, Mark.” I glide toward him and guide his head in the direction I want. “Oh, that’s it.” I actually moan my pleasure. “Now hold that pose, and smile.”
I am holding the camera; I prefer this to mounting it on a tripod. I am much freer this way, free to explore different angles. I step backward, then move from left to right until I am satisfied. I look through the viewfinder, adjust the focus and voilà: perfection. The camera loves this couple.
I click off a few more shots of Mark and Robin in yet another perfect pose. I’ve gotten several photos, but I am not quite finished. The next shot will be the moment, the thrilling denouement.
“Turn slightly, both of you. Look at each other. Less of a smile, more of a romantic gaze.” God, there is so much honesty between them. “Yes, that’s absolutely perfect.”
I hold down the trigger and don’t let go until I’ve finished the roll. I was so born to do this. Photography is in my blood.
I lower the camera from my face. “That was great,” I tell Mark and Robin, feeling the high that comes from a great session. “The pictures will be fabulous.”
Robin grins from ear to ear. “You think so?”
“Absolutely. The camera loved you.”
“I can’t wait to see them.” Robin turns to Mark and nuzzles her nose with his.
I watch them for a moment, their happiness giving me a warm feeling in my chest. There’s nothing quite like capturing two people in love on film. I love the way their eyes convey everything that’s in their souls.
This particular couple has recently gotten engaged. That’s why they’re here at my studio—to take pictures they’ll use for an engagement announcement.
That’s also why they’re so openly affectionate. There’s hardly a moment when one isn’t touching the other. Even as they get up from the sofa, their hands are linked. As much as I enjoy seeing happy couples together, a feeling of longing stirs in my gut.
“Can we see the proofs now?”
I shake my head