tensed, wishing she believed in divorce. But she didn’t. She tried to tell herself that was the only reason she’d never filed, but deep inside her broken heart, she’d always wished he’d return. Now she couldn’t help regretting that longing. It’d bring her nothing but more heartache. “As far as I know.”
“Good. I never wanted a divorce.”
Oh, boy! He’d just opened the corral gate with that remark. “You have a funny way of showing it, Matt.”
He took a deep breath. “I know I messed things up between us, but I never wanted to lose you, Andie. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but loving you wasn’t one of them.”
No, no, no! Why did he have to say something like that? It felt like a knife to her heart. Mainly because she didn’t believe him. And she wanted to. She really did. But it was too late. “Then why’d you leave?”
“You know why. At the time, nothing was more important than becoming a hotshot crew boss. When I got the job on the Red Mesa IHC, I couldn’t turn it down. After we had that horrible fight, and you told me to leave, I figured taking the job was the best thing.”
Yeah, which put her in her place. His words meant nothing to her now. When he’d left, his actions had spoken loud and clear. He’d chosen his career over their marriage. Over her.
One of her biggest regrets in life had been when he’d stood on their doorstep with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Instead of slamming the door in his face, she should have begged him to stay, or gone with him.
But she hadn’t.
She rested an elbow against the armrest of her chair, trying not to show her hurt. Trying to still the trembling of her chin. “You could have discussed it more with me before leaving. Imagine my surprise when I arrived home that night and found a note from my husband telling me he’d taken a job out of state and would talk to me later. That was over five years ago.”
Her voice rose to a shrill pitch. No matter how hard she tried to control her emotions, all the anger broiled around within her, the wound still raw. As if it had just happened yesterday. She didn’t know if she’d ever recover from such a harsh slap to her face. If he’d left her for another woman, she might have understood. She could have moved on. But his career had become his mistress, and his life didn’t include room for his wife.
“I wish I could go back in time and change things,” he said.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I think we both said things that day that we shouldn’t have, but it doesn’t change things now.”
“I’m sorry, Andie. For everything. I really am.”
Her breath escaped her in a whoosh. Finally the apology she’d longed to hear for years. But it was too late. It’d been too long. He’d chosen his work over their marriage. She couldn’t forget that. Could never trust him again. The love she’d kept buried deep within had been trampled to pieces, and she refused to be his doormat ever again.
She had to think about Davie now.
The burn of tears caused her to look away, and she shrugged. “We married too young. You weren’t ready for the commitment. Now it doesn’t matter. You have your job to do and I have mine. We’ll keep our relationship completely professional. Nothing more.”
She didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t. He’d killed her feelings for him, but she didn’t know how she was ever going to work with him every day and pull it off.
He frowned, his eyes filled with an emotion she couldn’t discern. Disappointment maybe? Surely not. He’d left her, after all. He’d gotten what he wanted.
One question pounded her brain. Why had he left the job he loved? Why had he taken this job as an FCO? Sitting in an office every day. Providing fire support to the various district rangers serving on the Minden National Forest instead of working out on the front lines where the action was. It didn’t sound like him. At the age of thirty-two, he was still young and strong enough to run with the best hotshots the nation had to offer. Did it have something to do with his limp?
Hmm. She sensed something wrong here. Something she didn’t understand. Maybe she should make a call to find out.
No! She didn’t care. His life was his business now. She wasn’t part of it anymore.
He leaned forward, his eyes filled with some emotion she didn’t understand. “I was hoping maybe you and I could have dinner tonight. I’d like to talk about our—”
The door burst open without warning. “Mommy! Look what Auntie Sue got me.”
Davie ran inside wearing a red cape tied over his winter coat and carrying a Rocketman toy figurine. With the accuracy of a stealth bomber, he headed straight for Andie. His rubber boots tracked muddy water across the floor.
“Davie! Remember we talked about knocking before you barge through a closed door?” Even Andie’s stern voice didn’t stop the boy. He raced around her desk and flung his arms around her. She couldn’t resist hugging him back.
Great timing. This situation just kept getting worse. The last person Andie wanted in her office right now was her five-year-old son.
“Davie, I said wait.” Susan panted as she chased after her nephew, carrying her seven-month-old baby in her arms. She came up short when she saw Matt sitting in the office, and her mouth sagged open in shock.
“Sorry! I forgot the rule,” Davie said. He held the toy before Andie’s eyes, begging for her attention.
Under normal circumstances, Andie would have smiled at his endearing face. She glanced at Matt, whose razor-sharp gaze narrowed as he stared at the boy. She could almost see his mental calculations clicking away. Davie had called her mommy. Matt must be wondering what was going on.
Andie almost groaned. “Susan, you remember Matt.”
Sue recovered fast and glowered at Matt, shifting the baby on her hip. “I vaguely remember you married a no-good scoundrel by that name. He abandoned you after three years of marriage and we never heard from him again. The resemblance is amazing.”
Andie scowled at her sister and inclined her head toward Davie. Even if Matt had been gone for years, she didn’t want her son hurt by disparaging remarks.
A composed smile creased Matt’s cheeks. He looked completely calm and even-tempered. Not at all what Andie expected. “Hello, Sue. I see you’re just as charming as ever.”
“And you’ve been absent for a very long time. What are you doing here?” Sue peered at him over the baby’s head, her eyes filled with disapproval.
He nodded at the baby who chewed a chubby fist and gurgled. “You’re married with a baby of your own now?”
“Yeah, we all kept living after you left, Matt. Life went on without you. Imagine that.” Her hazel eyes flashed with anger.
“Sue, watch it,” Andie warned with another nod toward Davie.
“Mommy, look at my toy.” Davie waved the action figure in front of her face, seemingly oblivious to the adult conversation around him.
Matt’s gaze swung back to Davie, and his eyes narrowed.
“Wow! That’s great, sweetheart. But I thought you were going to the park after Aunt Sue picked you up from kindergarten.” She emphasized the word park and tossed an irritated scowl at her sister, wishing more than anything that Sue hadn’t brought Davie here.
Sue tilted her head, her hostile glare chewing Matt to pieces. “That’s what we planned, but Davie insisted I bring him here to show you his new toy first.”
“Hi! I’m Davie. Look what I got.”
When had Davie moved over to stand beside Matt? The boy thrust his hand forward, the Rocketman figurine clasped in his small fist. Andie fought the urge to run over, scoop up her son and take him home.
Fear