They thought her brave and bold and unafraid because she dressed in breeches and waved a blade.
She was not fearless. She was terrified.
Only with sword and dagger in hand did she dare to face those fears. Only when breeches disguised her womanhood could she rise from bed to face the world. Only with Belde within reach of her hand could she survive the most ordinary day. Going beyond the tower walls, as she must to train him, took every bit of her strength. And when she did, she always kept a clear view and an eye open for the enemy.
Now, this man had touched her and, for a few minutes, she had not felt fear.
And that frightened her more than anything else.
Inside the tower, with Belde at her side, she entered the hall, empty of mourners now. Black Rob sat alone, shrouded by mourning, looking every bit of his name.
Her heart ached for him. For all of them. She had lost a father, too.
She did not often speak idly with Rob. It was not their way. Words were worth no more than air. Necessary for breath, a menace in excess.
But today, she wanted words that might help her understand this tall, lean, blue-eyed stranger who bore the Brunson name. He barely seemed their kin, though he and Bessie shared a certain slant of the eye, an arch of the brow that spoke of pride. And action.
Bessie had told her of the boy, but it was the man she sought to understand, the man who was getting too close, not only to her body.
She hovered beside the table, waiting for Rob to look up.
When he saw Belde, he smiled, the first one she’d seen from him all day. ‘So you’ve let the beast inside again, eh?’
She nodded and sat across the table. The dog lay down beside her, close to the hearth, as if glad to be back.
She let the silence lay a while. Rob waited for her to speak.
‘So,’ she began finally. ‘John comes home.’
Not a question. That would be too difficult. Too personal. It would indicate she cared.
The smile disappeared. ‘Aye.’
Belde stretched out, his yawn a squeak in the silence.
She tried again. ‘He’s been gone a while.’
‘Long enough to change.’
She looked up and his eyes met hers as if he knew why she asked. ‘Change?’
‘He’s no Brunson now.’
She might have agreed an hour ago. Certainly, his tongue had little Brunson in it and his ideas did not belong to the Borders. But he was as stubborn as the rest of his kin, that she was sure. ‘Maybe not, but he shares your blood. Nothing replaces that.’
Ever.
She was here, safe, only because Red Geordie had taken her in. It was their code. It was how they lived. For family. For loyalty. For kin. To be cast away from the family was to be a broken man, wandering alone like the outlaws who prowled the no man’s valley of the Debatable Land.
Even Johnnie did not deserve that fate.
Rob’s shrug said the same. ‘Maybe, but he won’t be here long.’
‘Because you want him to leave?’
‘Because he doesn’t belong.’
She sighed. Johnnie had said as much. Her sense of safety was an illusion. He’d return to court, where he belonged, beside that king he spoke of and surrounded by the kind of ladies who would people such a place.
And she’d still be here. Alone.
Barely able to walk, John watched Cate and her dog disappear through the gate. After he’d recovered, he limped back to the tower, leaving the pony to graze near the west gate. He wondered whether her dagger might have inflicted less damage than her knee.
Understanding women had never been so difficult before. Living beside the king, he had never had to spare an extra thought for them. Women were fickle, accommodating creatures, ever ready to please you, in bed or out.
At least, the women at court were.
His sister was not like that, of course. And his mother had not been, either. Perhaps Border women were as different as their men. He’d ask Bessie about this Gilnock woman. Subtly, of course. He would not want her to feel forced to choose between her brothers.
* * *
He found Bessie in the courtyard’s kitchen hall, kneading a ball of light brown dough with calm, rhythmic strokes and blinking against tears.
Heedless of her sticky hands, he gave her the hug Cate had refused and she rested her forehead on his shoulder. ‘Are you all right, Bessie?’
She shook her head, not lifting it. ‘I knew we would lose him one day. Every time he went on a raid I prepared, but not … not for this.’
Some men prayed to die peacefully in their sleep. Brunsons were not among them.
He patted her back, not knowing what else to do or say, until she raised her head and forced a smile. Then he let her go and she straightened her shoulders, turned back to her breadmaking and pummelled the helpless dough into submission.
He wandered the kitchen, for there was nary a stool to sit on, wondering how to broach the subject of Cate. Finally, inspecting a large hanging carcass of beef as if to give it his approval, he glanced over at her, as if the thought had just occurred to him. ‘That’s a great beast she has, that Cate.’
‘She’s always with him. Close as some are to their kin.’
Closer than others. ‘So she lost her family, then.’
‘Aye.’ She did not look up from shaping a loaf.
‘Was she so …’ What word would capture it? ‘Bloodthirsty?’ Aye, there was the word, though it did not match the woman with fear in her eyes. ‘Even before?’
Before what? Her father’s death or something else?
Bessie was slow to answer. ‘Have you ever known a Borderer who was not?’ she said finally.
No. He had not.
Then why had he thought he could turn her from her own vengeance to young James’s? Now that he was here, he remembered what his years with the king had erased.
An eye for an eye.
It was the only Bible verse his father ever knew.
‘He always hoped you would come home, you know.’ She said it as if she had followed his thoughts.
He shook his head, fighting the longing her words evoked. Only Bessie would think so. A woman could weave entire cloth out of words a man never spoke.
It was too late for peace with his father. And now, Rob was head of the family, as he had been destined since birth. There was no place for John here, being beholden to his brother while they both tried to wrest a living from the same, stingy earth.
Maybe that was why his father had sent him away.
‘You and Rob are not comfortable, are you?’
He started, wondering for a moment whether she really were fey. Quiet, watchful, she had always had a way of reading people, of knowing the things that went unsaid, especially the ones you wanted to hide.
But then, Rob hadn’t bothered to hide his disdain.
‘We’re different, Rob and I.’
‘He’s alone now, Johnnie.’
The thought surprised him. He had assumed his brother knew his place and embraced it. Yet his father and Rob had been the pair, even when Rob was growing. His father had spent hours with his first born, teaching him to ride, to fight, to follow the trails when the moon was dark. Showing him the