God,” Lilly mumbled. Not exactly the hostile accusation that he thought she might fire in his direction. After all, he’d just confessed to claiming her child. “You took Megan in. You’ve been raising her.”
It was a lot more than that. Yes, he’d taken the child in. Yes, he was raising her. But he also loved her. More than life. More than anything.
And he couldn’t lose her.
“I’ll bet taking care of a baby required some serious lifestyle changes for you,” Lilly commented. Not chitchat, though. Her eyes were too strained for that, and there was a slight tremble in her voice—which probably meant she was as thunderstruck as he was.
She’d just learned that she had a daughter.
And Jason had just learned that he might lose one.
“I made a few lifestyle changes,” he admitted. He tried to rein in his feelings. Failed. “It was worth it. Megan’s a sweet kid.”
Now there was a reaction from Lilly. Something small and subtle. But he could almost see the realization come to her. She’d had a child, but for all practical purposes, she wasn’t in the picture.
Jason didn’t think it was much of a stretch that Lilly would soon want to change that.
“Well…” Lilly started. But she didn’t finish whatever thought she’d intended to voice. Instead she looked down at the picture. She held it as if it were delicate crystal that might shatter in her hands. “She has my hair. Greg’s eyes, though.” She lifted a shoulder. An attempt at a nonchalant shrug. But there was nothing nonchalant about any of this. “Your eyes, too.”
Yes. The infamous Lawrence gray eyes that seemed to be the equivalent of a mood ring. Silvery pearl, sometimes, and on those not-so-good sometimes—gunmetal and steel. Megan had them in spades, along with the olive-tinged completion that was the genetic contribution from Greg’s and his Hispanic grandmother. Megan was a Lawrence through and through.
But Jason could see Lilly in the child’s face, too. The way Megan sometimes defiantly lifted her chin. The sly, clever smile that could melt away botched cases, heavy workloads, long hours at work and other unsavory things. At first, it’d been difficult for him to see the smile, Lilly’s smile, on the mouth of the child he loved.
DNA sure had a bent sense of humor.
“I want to see her, of course,” Lilly said.
It wasn’t exactly a request, either. She certainly hadn’t framed it with a please and hadn’t left room for argument.
Though Jason wanted to argue.
Worse, he wanted to take Megan and run. To hide her so that he wouldn’t lose her. But not only was that a stupid reaction, it would be wrong. He’d been the one to raise Megan—so far—but now that Lilly was awake and on the road to recovery, he no longer had sole claim to her.
Maybe he wouldn’t have any claim at all.
And that sent a stab of pain straight through his heart.
“I’ll make arrangements for you to see her,” Jason offered, once he could speak. “When you’re feeling up to it.”
There was a flash of that sly smile, and it was tinged with sarcasm. “I think it’s safe to say that I’ll feel up to seeing her anytime, any place. After all, she is my daughter.”
Jason had somehow known, and feared, that she would say that. “I just wasn’t sure you’d want her to visit you here in the hospital.”
It wasn’t a lie. Exactly. That had crossed his mind. It’d also crossed his mind that he wanted to delay the visit so he could prepare Megan. How, he didn’t know. It wasn’t always easy to reason with a baby. But perhaps he could show Megan pictures of Lilly so she wouldn’t be frightened of meeting a stranger who just happened to be her mother.
Picture recognition might help Megan. But it wouldn’t do much to soothe his fears. Nothing could do that.
“Besides, it’s late,” Jason added. “Nearly six.”
And he was babbling. Hell. He wasn’t a babbler. Worse, he seemed to be grasping at straws, at anything, to postpone what he knew he couldn’t postpone.
“All right,” Lilly said. She kept her attention staked to him. “This definitely qualifies as an awkward moment. We’re a lot closer to being enemies than we are friends, and yet you did this incredible, wonderful thing by taking in my—”
“Don’t,” Jason interrupted. He took a moment to gain control of his voice, and his temper, before he continued. “I don’t want your thanks.” He could handle her hostility, even her sarcasm, even that damn sly smile, before he could handle her gratitude. “I said I’d arrange for you to see Megan, and I will.”
Lilly nodded. “I might not be reading you right, but I get the feeling there’s something else. Something you’re not telling me.”
Well, the coma hadn’t dulled her instincts. That was both good and bad news. He wanted Lilly to be healthy and on the road to recovery. He truly did. But Jason had been counting on having a few days or even weeks before having to tell her everything. Not just about Megan and his custody. Other things, like the events surrounding the night she’d nearly died.
Panic began to race through her eyes. “Is Megan okay? There’s nothing wrong with—”
“Megan’s perfectly healthy,” he told her. “She’s had normal childhood illnesses, of course. An ear infection. A cold or two. Nothing major.”
The pulse on her neck was pounding so hard that Jason could actually see it. “However?” she questioned.
Yes, there was a however.
Jason considered the several ways he could go with this, including just ending the conversation and heading out. If he followed department regulations to a tee, he should just turn this over to the lead detective. But he couldn’t do that to Lilly. Despite their past and the inevitable obstacles they would no doubt face in the future, there was some information she needed to know.
The operative word was some.
Jason groaned and scrubbed his hand over his face. “The police will want to question you about the car accident.”
Her brief silence probably meant she was processing that. Not just his comment but his groan, as well. She leaned closer. So close that he could see all those swirls of blue and green in her eyes. “Are you saying they weren’t able to figure out what happened?”
It was touchy territory and, as Jason had done several times during their conversation, he considered his answer carefully. “They’ll want an eyewitness statement to the incident, and you’re the ultimate eyewitness. It’s standard procedure.” He hesitated, gathered his breath. “They also want to talk to you about the information you found when you were going through your father’s old business records.”
“You mean, the computer files that implicated some people in my father’s dirty dealings?” Lilly didn’t wait for him to confirm that. “I remember copying those files to a CD.”
“Yes. You’d called a friend in S.A.P.D. and told him about them.”
“Sergeant Garrett O’Malley.” Lilly touched her fingers to her left temple and massaged it gently. At first. Then, as the frustration began to show on her face, her massage got a little harder until her fingers pressed into her skin. “After I copied the files, things get a little fuzzy.”
Jason latched right on to that because even though her memory might not be totally intact, she still might be able to provide them with some critical details. “Just how fuzzy is fuzzy?”
“A big, giant blur.” The temple massage obviously wasn’t working so she stopped and huffed. “Did I give the CD to Sgt. O’Malley?”
He shook his head. “But you’d planned to