with her now, she could only imagine how he might have felt had he seen his mother kissing another man before his father’s body was even home, let alone buried.
Of course, Kyle didn’t know what she knew. At least she’d managed to keep that from him. It hadn’t been an easy choice, but it was the only one she could make. Her son had already been in agony. She couldn’t risk any further damage.
Rider was there, waiting for her. She stopped a distance away, looking at him silhouetted against the fading light. He was leaning forward, hands braced on the railing, staring out at the sea. The light breeze caught his shirt and swirled it. He’d changed into casual clothes, she saw. Khaki pants, it looked like, and a Hawaiian-style shirt in muted colors. Navy-blue and tan, the same shade as the khakis, she thought. And realized with a little jolt she’d never seen him, this man who had taken up permanent residence in her memory, in anything other than a suit. Until now.
He seemed to sense her presence and turned. She started up the last few steps and walked out onto the deck. Just say it and get it over with, she told herself. Just apologize. Just do it.
Instead, when she reached him she found herself asking inanely, “So, does it meet your standards?”
There was a second before he answered, and she wondered if she’d startled him, if he’d been expecting her to plunge right into the emotional depths. Since that had been her plan, she couldn’t blame him; it wasn’t his fault that she’d chickened out at the last second.
“It’s solid. Well built, good materials.”
She couldn’t help the half laugh that escaped her. “Most people would be raving about the view.”
He shrugged. “It takes advantage of it.”
She sighed. “I suppose when you’ve seen views all over the world, it takes more to impress you.”
He gave her a puzzled look. “You must have seen a place or two.”
“Nope. Never been out of California, until now.”
His puzzlement shifted to a frown. “But your husband traveled extensively.”
“Yes. Alone.” Maybe, she added bitterly to herself.
“You never went with him?”
“No. With Kyle so young, I preferred it that way.” Not that he would have wanted me along, anyway.
“And now you’ve traveled halfway around the world.”
“I had no choice.”
He looked at her for a long, silent moment. “So you gave up your life to move your son. That’s quite a sacrifice.”
Her eyes widened. “Not many would see coming here as a sacrifice.”
“Sacrifice is in the reasons not the setting,” he said.
She considered what he said. “That’s rather profound.”
He only shrugged. For a moment the only sound was the rustle of the palm fronds and the more distant sound of the surf from below. It was time, she told herself. Time to get it done. She opened her mouth to speak, to at last say she was sorry.
“Okay, let’s get it over with,” he said, before she’d gotten a word out. “I’m sorry. It should never have happened.”
She gaped at him as he spoke the words she’d opened her own mouth to say.
“What?” she finally managed.
“I’m apologizing, all right?” He nearly snapped it out. “It’s been eating at me for five years, so I’m apologizing. I took advantage. I’m a jerk and a slime and an idiot, and all the rotten things you’ve probably been calling me all this time.”
She stared at him. “That,” she barely managed to squeak out, “is what I’ve been calling myself for the past five years.”
Chapter 3
Paige felt utterly bewildered. But there could be no doubt—he’d said it so adamantly. The man she’d wanted to apologize to for so long was instead apologizing to her.
She heard an odd little chiming sound.
“Damn,” he muttered under his breath. “Excuse me,” he said to her; she wasn’t sure if it was for the curse or the interruption. He reached into a shirt pocket that had looked empty and pulled out the smallest cell phone she’d ever seen. He pushed a button and said sharply, “Rider.”
He listened for a moment, his mouth tightening. Finally he advised the caller he would be down in a few minutes, and disconnected. He slipped the tiny phone back into the upper pocket.
“Bad news?” she asked.
“Minor problem. I’ll deal with it after…we’re finished here.”
That brought her back sharply to the realization that had so startled her. “Noah, I can’t believe you’re apologizing to me after what I did! I’m the one who jumped all over you, when all you were trying to do was be helpful.”
“Helpful?” Both dark brows shot up. “Is that what you thought?”
“I know you were just trying to comfort me, and then I—”
“I knew you were vulnerable, I knew you were confused, and I let it happen, anyway.” He grimaced but went on flatly. “It was my fault. I was supposed to take care of you, not…” His voice trailed off as he shook his head in obvious disgust.
“But I started it,” she protested.
“You weren’t thinking straight. Under the circumstances you can hardly be blamed.”
“But you can?” she asked, steadier now.
“I hadn’t just been through an emotional meat grinder. Yes, I can be blamed all right.”
Paige felt as if her world had tilted slightly on its axis. She’d worked up to this, had planned it for the day she might see him again, had even considered making it happen, even if she had to call Redstone and make an appointment. Only to find now that he had felt the same way. And suddenly she realized the reason he’d looked so odd when he’d suggested dinner and she’d reacted negatively—when he’d said he should have known she wouldn’t want to do that, he’d been thinking she wouldn’t want to have dinner with a man who had, in his view, treated her so badly.
If you only knew, she thought. On her scale of being treated badly, that kiss didn’t even make the top million.
“You’re right about one thing, though,” he said after a moment. “This should have been done long ago. I owed you that much.”
“I owed you a lot more. I don’t think I’d have gotten through that time if you hadn’t been there.”
His mouth twisted. “Nice to know I didn’t completely fall down on the job.”
That reminded her. “Tell me something, will you? Why did they send you back then? Why not somebody from, I don’t know, personnel, maybe?”
He shrugged. “I’d just been in Portugal a few weeks before. I knew some people, people I could call if there were any problems with…arrangements. But there weren’t, really. They were as horrified as the rest of the world, more so since the plane had gone down in their country. They went out of their way to help.”
As simple as that. As simply as that a practical choice was made, and her life was changed forever.
Paige drew in a deep breath of the night air, savored the scent of the night-blooming flowers that had been carefully planted around the grounds. Some sweet, some spicy, it was the kind of perfume that would never be matched by the hand of man in a laboratory.
Somehow the knowledge that he had felt nearly as bad as she enabled her to finish what she’d come here to do.
“If