Janice Kay Johnson

All a Man Is


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“It’s legal to leave her alone now, but I’d rather not. Full-time day care is so expensive, though, and she begged not to have to do it, anyway. This in-between age is hard. She’ll be able to ride her bike to some of the Parks Department activities. I make her call me anytime she leaves the house.”

      She sounded helpless and maybe hopeless, too. Julia sympathized. Both emotions had become familiar to her.

      “I plan to sign my kids up for some of those activities, too. If she’s interested in any of the same things Liana is, I’ll be glad to chauffeur Sophie, too.”

      When Andrea invited her in for a cup of coffee, Julia was happy to accept. The two mothers pored over the Parks & Recreation Department schedule. Then they called the girls in for a consultation.

      The two-week horse day camp was a definite go, as were swim lessons. Sophie and Liana weren’t quite at the same level, but the advanced class took place right after the intermediate, and Julia insisted that it wouldn’t kill any of them to hang around the pool for an extra half hour one way or the other. Sophie wrinkled her freckled nose at the idea of ceramics class, but thought she might like tap dancing.

      Studying the two girls, Julia was disconcerted to see that, only one year older, Sophie was developing a figure. She didn’t wear a bra yet, but she probably would be before she started back to school. Which, in her case, would be middle school here in Angel Butte. In L.A., Liana would have been starting middle school, too. Thank goodness she wasn’t here. The fact that the two girls would be separated for school in September would probably kill this budding friendship, but as far as Julia was concerned, if it lasted the summer, she’d be happy.

      Now, if only there was a nice neighbor boy Matt’s age.

      But she didn’t kid herself that Matt would want anything to do with a nice boy.

      Which left her worrying about what he was doing when he rode away on his bike and didn’t return home for two or three hours at a time.

      When she asked, he only glared at her. “There’s nothing to do around here. I’m just, like, riding my bike, okay?”

      Her offer to help with Sophie was rewarded only a few days later, when Sophie shyly invited Liana to go to a movie with her on Friday night. The invitation included Matt, too, if he would like to see a blow-’em-up thriller that Andrea had noticed was also at the multiplex and running at close to the same time.

      Guilt induced Julia to offer to go with Matt, which earned her a look that almost reminded her of the much more likable boy he’d once been.

      “You’d hate that movie,” he said.

      She grimaced. “Probably. Still, if you want company...”

      He remembered he despised her and sneered, “Sure. My mother. Yeah, thanks but no thanks.”

      Knowing she should feel rejected, Julia could only be relieved.

      After the kids left, she tried to convince herself that she was blissfully happy alone and wouldn’t even notice if Alec didn’t come home right after work. Or came home only to change clothes because he had a date.

      Of course, every time she heard a passing vehicle, her head came up. She hadn’t quite memorized the sound of his SUV yet.

      She couldn’t miss it when he pulled into the driveway so close by, though, and only a minute later her doorbell rang. Her pulse accelerated even though she’d half expected him.

      He had already shed his suit coat and tie. The cuffs of his white shirt were rolled halfway up strong forearms. He looked tired, she saw, but smiled when he saw her. “Hey. You and the kids want to go out for pizza or something?”

      “It so happens the kids have already gone out for burgers and a movie.” She paused for effect. “Without me.”

      One eyebrow tilted up, giving his face a wicked cast. “A fairy godmother?”

      “Andrea.”

      He knew about Liana’s new friendship, but still looked surprised. “Did you hog-tie Matt or drug him into compliance?”

      She told him the arrangement for separate but equal movies. “He’ll probably sit at a separate booth at McDonald’s or wherever they went, too, but Andrea seemed to understand. I haven’t started dinner yet, but if you’re okay with something simple—”

      “I vote we go out,” he said. “Someplace decent.”

      “You mean someplace the kids would boycott?”

      She loved his smile. “You got it.”

      He suggested Chandler’s Brew Pub, owned by the mayor. There was a live band scheduled, but he thought not until later in the evening. Julia quickly changed, had second thoughts over her choice and would have started over if she hadn’t been so aware of Alec waiting.

      When he saw her wearing slim-fitting black pants, heels and a shimmery tunic-length sleeveless sweater, his eyes had a glint that raised heat in her cheeks. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen that expression on his face, but she hadn’t decided what to make of it. If he was attracted to her, he obviously didn’t plan to act on it. Maybe he was only being politely appreciative.

      “You look about twenty-two,” he told her. “No one would believe you have a kid Matt’s age.”

      “That makes you a dirty old man to be giving me the once-over,” she suggested lightly.

      He laughed. “It’s been quite a few years since I’ve looked over a girl that age with anything approaching serious intent.”

      She felt a small burst of pleasure. Was he implying he had serious intent where she was concerned?

      But when he stepped so ostentatiously aside to let her exit ahead of him, ultracareful not to brush against her, the thrill died as if he’d dumped cold water on it. No, of course not. He thought of her as a sister. What else?

      Oh, God, she was so pathetic. Foolishly in love with her brother-in-law.

      She had to be sure he never knew. For the hundredth time, at least, she reminded herself that of course she should be glad he didn’t feel the same. His indifference reduced any temptation on her part, and yes, that was good.

      Alec was steadfast with her and the kids in a way Josh had never been, that was true. But in one essential way, he was too much like his brother. She’d always known that. She’d listened to the two of them talk so many times, voices laconic as they casually exchanged stories of terrifying exploits, but the excitement they felt seeping through.

      Yes, but are they really so much alike? asked a voice in her head, one she’d heard more often lately. Alec made a decision Josh never would have, didn’t he?

      But he could still regret it. He could still go back.

      And while he called himself a desk jockey now, she saw the way his head turned as they walked to his Tahoe, his expression flat. Julia knew he was conscious of everyone and everything within a block radius, down to any shadow of movement passing behind the reflected sunlight on windows.

      Once a street and vice cop, always one.

      Please don’t let him be too bored.

      Yesterday had been the Fourth of July. Since fireworks were shot off the crater rim of Angel Butte, they had been able to put lawn chairs on Alec’s small patio and watch from there. Liana had oohed and aahed while Matt, predictably, appeared bored. The show wasn’t as spectacular as some they’d seen, but they also hadn’t had to fight crowds, spend ages searching for parking and walk miles for a good spot for viewing. To Julia, this felt...magical. All of them together in the dark, in their own yard.

      All the neighbors were outside, too. After the fireworks show, people started lighting their own smaller ones. Andrea and Sophie came over. While the girls swooped across the lawn waving sparklers, Matt and Alec set off fireworks Alec had bought, murmuring together and laughing. Watching them, Julia had felt the sting of