Nate said now, trying to reason out her news. “Every time.”
Hardly the words of comfort—and solidarity—she’d been hoping for.
Suck it up, Izz. He’s shocked.
A year older and already graduated from high school, Nate had plans for his life...so did she...plans that did not include becoming a teenage parent.
“Not every time,” she countered.
“What?”
“Protection. We didn’t use it every time. Not on the Fourth of July.”
“The Fourth? Yes, we—” He stopped. And swore again.
Her heart, which for the past few months had felt as if it were unfolding like one of the roses in Washington Park, suddenly shriveled around the edges.
They’d made love in the bed of his truck nearly two months ago on Independence Day, atop a thick pile of sleeping bags. With most of the people in their hometown watching the fireworks down at the river, she and Nate had agreed to keep their romance as private as possible. Izzy hadn’t wanted to invite prying eyes or unwelcome comments. So on that Fourth of July, they’d driven to the resort where he’d worked over the summer. Parked near a small lake, with Santana cranked up on the radio, Nate had gazed down at her. The lights in the distance had illuminated his face—so beautiful, so serious. Wondering at his expression, she’d touched his cheek, and he’d whispered, almost as if he was surprised, “I feel better with you than I do anyplace else.”
Her love had exploded like the fireworks.
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
Sudden and sharp, the question plunged into Izzy’s chest with the force of a dagger. Her gaze fused with his and she saw the truth in his eyes, so obvious that she couldn’t catch her breath: he hoped another boy could be the baby’s father.
Suddenly, the scent of spent blooms from the end-of-summer roses became overwhelming. Running for the cover of the bushes, Izzy retched into the ground.
While her stomach surrendered its contents, her mother’s words from earlier this summer tumbled through her brain.
“Running off with that hottie? If you’re smart, you’ll get knocked up. Then maybe you can get him to take care of you.” Felicia had punctuated her advice by raising her beer can in a mock toast. “It never lasts, but it’s better than nothing.”
On her way out the door—yes, she had been going to meet Nate—Izzy had turned to give the woman who’d only sort of raised her a withering glare. “I would never do that. I’m not like you.”
Genuine laughter had erupted around the cigarette Felicia had put between her lips. “Oh, sweetie, you are exactly like me. The only difference is you think it’s classier to give it away for free.” As Izzy slammed the screen door, Felicia’s words tagged after her. “You’re going to wind up like me, too. Count on it.”
It took Izzy a while to realize that Nate was beside her, one hand smoothing her light brown curls from her face, the other supporting her shoulders as she bent over the ground.
“I don’t want your help.” With her forearm, she knocked his hand away. Nate reared back in surprise.
Of course he was surprised. Up to now, she’d never been anything but sweet and agreeable. She’d been so happy, so grateful to be with him.
“Hey!” He grabbed her arm when she attempted to rise on her own. “Stop. You’re going to make yourself sick again. Just relax a minute.”
“Relax?” Was he serious? “Good idea. Maybe I’ll sign up for prenatal yoga. I’m pretty sure Ridge High offers that senior year.”
Nate rubbed both hands down his face. “Okay, look, I was being an ass when I asked if it was mine. I’m sorry. I don’t... I don’t know how to do this, Izzy. No one has ever told me she was pregnant before.”
“Well, that makes two of us, because I’ve never said it before.”
He nodded. Then, ignoring her protest, he put his arm firmly around her waist and led her back to the bench. Finding a napkin in the picnic basket she’d packed for them, he wiped her brow. His touch and the fact that he insisted on helping her was sweet torture. She’d spent her whole life relying on herself, no longer daring to hope for one person she could lean into until she’d met Nate. When he collapsed against the bench, not making physical contact with her, she had to fight the urge to scoot closer.
He stretched his neck up, as if searching for an answer in the dark sky. “I’m supposed to leave for college in two weeks,” he said.
“I know.” He had told her from the beginning, and lately she’d hoped... Never mind what she’d hoped.
Don’t panic. Panicking won’t help.
“I’ve got to tell my parents.” He sounded as if he was about to tell them he’d found out he was dying.
“Maybe they’ll be supportive.”
Nate’s laugh told her otherwise. “Izzy, my father works twelve-hour days on a dairy farm and moonlights as a handyman so I can have a college fund. My mom taught piano and cleaned hotel rooms to pay for my after-school sports fees, because she thought it would help me get a scholarship. You think they’re going to enjoy hearing this?”
“Don’t yell at me, I didn’t get pregnant alone!”
“I know that!” His energy felt explosive as he rose from the bench. “I’m just saying this changes everything. Not only for us. For other people.”
“I can get a full-time job,” she said, hearing the desperation in her voice. “I can work while you go to school, so—”
“You can’t support three people.”
“You said you were going to work while you’re in college.”
He nodded. “I’ve got to help with tuition and books.” He shoved his fingers through his hair. “If I’m lucky, I’ll have enough left over for living expenses.”
“I can pay my own way. I have for years. I don’t expect you to—”
“Izzy! Who’s going to take care of the baby while you and I are in school and at work and studying? I’m going to college in Chicago. We’d be two thousand miles away from anyone we know. No,” he said when she opened her mouth to protest. On a giant exhalation, he plowed both hands through his hair, then moved as if he were slogging through thigh-deep sand to sit beside her.
An anchor of fear pulled at Izzy’s heart. Looking at the Portland skyline, she blinked as the city lights blurred. No tears. Absolutely no tears.
They didn’t live in this sprawling city. Both she and Nate were from a Ridge community three and a half hours away. They’d come to Portland to soak up a view that was a taste of the bigger life awaiting them.
He was going to build skyscrapers.
She had planned to be the first person in her family to earn a high school diploma and go on to college.
Suddenly, Izzy felt as if nothing was holding her upright, as if she might slide off the bench. Stiffening her spine, she sat side by side with him—silently and with space between their bodies, which had not been their way this summer. The August evening felt hot and oppressive.
At the point where the silence was about to become unbearable, Nate spoke again. This time he sounded like someone who’d been running in the desert. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll talk to my parents. There’s got to be something... We’ll figure it out together.” Nate’s large palm and beautiful long fingers curved around the hands she clutched on her lap. Chancing a look at him, Izzy saw that he was staring at the ground.
The warmth that usually flooded her body when he touched her did not come.
Not once in four months