The Long Road Ahead. Rosie James

did explain at the time that I’d never asked a woman to marry me before,’ he murmured, ‘and I thought that by suggesting you came home to discuss a business matter with me was a sure-fire way of you agreeing to turn up.’ He closed his lips over hers before going on, then –

      ‘I still cannot believe that you thought I was talking about my cousin, about Millicent,’ he said. ‘When I asked if you thought it was right to ask a woman, any woman, to marry me, knowing the sort of work I was doing…the commitment…the demands of the job…I wanted to find out what you really thought about someone filling the post as my wife. And your answer in the positive gave me the courage to propose to you.’ He pulled her into him closer. ‘I can’t imagine how I would have felt if you’d turned me down,’ he added.

      Alice didn’t answer for a moment, enjoying these few minutes of cosy intimacy in the comfort of this familiar, luxurious room, glad that the cloud she’d sensed hanging over his head at the beginning of the day seemed to have lifted. Perhaps the jollity of the occasion had cheered him up, though he had seemed unusually pensive more than once during the meal. As if he was distracted. She sighed inwardly. It must be difficult – if not impossible – to shut yourself off from anything concerning life and death – especially in infants – and his variance of mood was something she was going to have to deal with in the future. To accept and understand. It was part of the promise she had made to him, after all, in this very room. There was no going back. She didn’t want to go back.

      Their glasses of wine, almost untouched, were there on the small table beside them, and Sam released her gently before passing Alice hers, and reaching for his own.

      ‘I know we’ve had one or two toasts already tonight,’ he said, ‘but this is another one, a private one.’ He clinked his glass against hers. ‘To you and me. Us two. And we’re going to make sure that we go on together – for ever.’ He paused. ‘Agreed?’

      ‘Agreed,’ Alice murmured, sipping.

      Then – as if prompted by something outside herself, Alice said –

      ‘Sam…there’s something we haven’t discussed, or even mentioned, yet,’ she began, and he cut in –

      ‘Fire away,’ he said easily. ‘Is this an ultimatum about how much housekeeping money – or dress allowance – you’re expecting to receive from me in the future?’ He winked at her. ‘Best to get these things cleared up straightaway I suppose,’ he added.

      Alice smiled quickly – he’d given her the perfect cue.

      ‘No, it’s not,’ she said. ‘It’s about what you are expecting from me. As a wife, I mean.’ She sipped again. ‘Do you expect me to be at home all the time, after we’re married – whether you’re there or not?’

      The question seemed to surprise him, and he paused for a second. ‘Well – I’m not going to keep you under lock and key, if that’s what you mean,’ he said. ‘Why – have you got something exciting planned?’

      ‘Hardly exciting,’ Alice replied. Then – ‘It’s just that…I can’t bear the thought of sitting around doing nothing all day, Sam,’ she said, ‘and that’s what’ll happen, won’t it? Wherever we live, it’ll just be us two to cook and clean for, and when you’re on night duty I shall be alone for perhaps forty-eight hours or more… I don’t mind being alone, I mind being alone with nothing to do. I mind that very much.’

      This was something that obviously hadn’t crossed his mind. ‘So – what might you want to do?’ he said.

      ‘Well – possibly to go back to work – you know, like before,’ Alice said. ‘I worked very hard to become good at the job, to be successful, and I really enjoy it. It’s interesting meeting different people all the time, and helping them make decisions about one of the most important matters they’ll usually ever have to consider. Certainly the most money they’ll probably ever be involved with. The buying or selling of their home can be a very anxious time.’

      Sam shrugged briefly. ‘Well, I’d only ever imagined being the sole support of my wife,’ he admitted, ‘to provide for you, and allow you some time for yourself – which I think you thoroughly deserve.’ He half-smiled. ‘Hopefully, there is never likely to be any shortage of money for us…’

      Alice cut him short. ‘Oh it’s not about the money, Sam! It’s about…’ Her voice trailed off for a second. She was going to say it was about being independent, not financially, but about being free to live in the outside world, rather than the sometimes cloying one of domesticity. Instead, she said casually, ‘It’s just a thought, that’s all, you know, for the future…that if I find I have too much time on my hands I could go back into business at some point.’

      Sam drank from his glass. ‘I’d only ever want you to be happy, Alice,’ he said, not looking at her.

      Alice glanced back him shrewdly. And that’s all I want for you, too, Sam, she thought. And when you’re not happy, I want you to confide in me…not treat me like someone who hasn’t the right to know what’s going on in your head.

      ‘Tell me about today, please, Sam,’ she said firmly. ‘Tell me about what’s been on your mind – because something has, I know it.’

      There was a long silence, and Alice was suddenly afraid that she’d gone too far…was probing too much, that she should be minding her own business after all.

      Then, eventually – ‘It’s just that yesterday I had to go to a rather delayed memorial service for a friend – someone I’d known for a long time,’ Sam said, his voice husky. ‘ We were doing much the same course in medicine,’ he added. And after a moment – ‘I was asked to plant a tree in his memory.’

      Alice raised her eyes briefly. Sam hadn’t thought to mention this before. ‘Who was he? What was his name?’ she asked curiously.

      Sam sat forward and put his glass down on the table. Without looking at her he said, ‘He was called Toby – Toby Dawson. But…but I don’t want to talk about it, Alice, not tonight. Let’s not spoil what’s been such a lovely occasion for us both – for us all.’