admission as soon as he’d made it.
‘I’m single, too,’ Bunny said, holding out her glass to be chinked. ‘That’s good. We can keep each other company.’
‘I should find out who that was at my door,’ Callanach said, already sure it was Ava and wondering what had prompted the visit. ‘But thank you for dinner, although you shouldn’t have worried about me.’
‘Oh, it’s no bother. We should make it a regular thing.’
‘I’m out a lot,’ he said. ‘Regular doesn’t work for me. I’ll bump into you occasionally though.’ Bunny’s face dropped and Callanach felt clumsy. He could have been kinder about it, not that kindness was necessarily the best way to put women off.
Back in his flat, he checked his mobile for messages. There was nothing. If Ava had been calling round about an urgent police matter she’d have left a text or voicemail. He glanced at his watch. Presumably she’d be at dinner with her parents and Joe Edgar by now. Still, Callanach thought, if she’d come looking for him it must have been important. He kicked off his shoes and dialled her number.
Her mobile rang only twice before she answered. He could hear conversation in the background, and a distant high-pitched voice making their disapproval of the fact that she was taking the call obvious to everyone.
‘Turner,’ Ava said. ‘Hold on please.’ A door closed and footsteps echoed on wood.
‘Ava, it’s Luc,’ Callanach said. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Everything’s fine,’ she was terse. ‘Has something happened I need to know about?’
‘No,’ Callanach felt like he was treading through mud. ‘I just …’
‘Oh, right, the girl told you I’d been round,’ Ava said. ‘It was nothing. Just wanted to have a word with you about …’ she paused momentarily, ‘the Chief. I’m worried about him. Nothing that can’t wait until I next see you.’
‘Was that it?’ Callanach asked. ‘Sorry, I went to The Meadows to walk the scene again.’
‘No need to explain, and I apologise if I made things awkward with your neighbour. She told me she was waiting for you to get home for dinner.’
Callanach rolled his head backwards from one shoulder to the other.
‘She just moved in. I think she’s lonely. I really don’t …’
‘Well, I’m at my parents as you could probably hear, so I can’t chat. Catch you soon.’ Ava hung up. Callanach threw his phone onto the sofa and poured himself a more palatable glass of wine.
‘Fuck,’ he said, stripping off his suit and going to shower, running the water as hot as he could bear and climbing in with his glass still in hand, held just out of the stream.
He should have been able to walk away from work and relax. He wound back the clock inside his head and replayed memories of easier days in Lyon. He’d lived in an apartment he’d loved, with a terrace overlooking the park near Interpol’s headquarters. There had been girlfriends. Not that he’d flitted from one to another, but always someone to share a good meal, to hop in a car for a weekend away, to travel to the coast and waterski or sail. And there had been sex. Not like his early twenties when the fever to sleep with women had, at times, consumed him. When he’d used his model looks and intellect to charm and then entice any woman he’d wanted. Easy sex, without the emotional noose that tightened when he thought about it now. Astrid Borde and her false accusation of rape had finished him, both as an Interpol agent and as a man.
He turned his face up into the steaming spray of water and slid a hand down to his penis, willing it hard, trying to remember the last time he’d been with a woman. He conjured images of days and nights he’d spent intent on nothing but physical pleasure – sex on sand dunes, in planes, on boats, in hotels across the world. But now there was nothing. It was as if the muscle he’d once taken so much for granted had simply ceased to exist, leaving a useless flopping length of pitiful flesh to taunt him.
Then there was a flash of another face in his mind, a woman he’d tried not to think about. With it came the jolt of a feeling he’d all but given up on, his muscles performing no more than a spasm in his hand, a quickening inside before it evaporated.
Callanach grabbed the handle of the shower door, squeezing the metal as if he could crush it, growling aloud with the effort of trying to drag the life back into himself. But it had gone. That fleeting hope that he could be normal again.
‘Merde!’ he shouted, smashing a fist into the shower glass, getting nothing in return except bruised knuckles and a dull thud. ‘Je suis pathétique.’ He reverted to French as he always did when he lost control, although the message was the same in any language. He was pathetic. But his muscles had flared into life, if only for a second. It was proof, as if he’d needed it, that there was no physical damage. ‘Enough,’ he said, snatching a towel and throwing it over his shoulders.
As he walked through his bedroom, he paused to stare in the mirror. He was still in good shape, rarely going more than two days without punishing himself at the gym, naturally eating cleanly, always aghast at the piles of chips, pastry and white bread that seemed to flow through the doors of the station. He hated to feel bloated and heavy. His mother had lectured him about diet from before he could talk back. Fruit, vegetables and protein. Everything else was just excess. She’d long since stopped lecturing him. Had not communicated with him at all since his brief spell of incarceration before he’d been bailed pending trial. He got his olive skin from her, and his dark hair. No matter how long he lived in Scotland, his skin was never going to pale enough for him to pass as a native. It was as if his father’s Scottish genes had passed him by.
He ran a hand through his hair, pulling his shoulders back and inspecting his muscle tone as if he were buying a piece of meat. He’d let his head rule his body for too long, trying everything except therapy, save for those few embarrassing obligatory sessions with the Interpol psychologist before he’d served his notice.
Determined to move on, he opened his laptop and skipped through a variety of websites until he found one that looked vaguely professional, then he pulled his wallet from his jacket. In less than a minute he’d purchased a drug without prescription and left his credit card details online. It wasn’t clever but it wasn’t going to get him in serious trouble, even if he was caught. What worried him more, having finally made the choice to buy the drug that might offer him relief, was finding someone with whom he could use it.
Three weeks had passed since Sim Thorburn’s murder. Twenty-one days when each morning was marked by the increasing quietness and frustration of Callanach’s team. Today the atmosphere was different. Not in his incident room, but certainly across the hall. A body of men and women was massing at the station. The way they were dressed and the palpable excitement could mean only one thing. Callanach realised they were on a pre-raid briefing. DC Tripp caught his eye, and Callanach managed a nod in response before his purloined detective constable looked back at the whiteboard where DCI Edgar was pointing at the blueprint of a building and barking instructions. However much money the hackers had stolen, or ‘relocated’ as The Unsung had released a statement to explain, was enough to justify a huge public expenditure to ensure they were caught. Callanach wondered what the difference in governmental financing was between the hackers’ case and his investigation into Sim’s murder. Probably best not to know, he thought. That way lay only bitterness and disillusionment.
He had begun to accept that the trail to Sim’s killer had run from lukewarm to cold. It seemed more likely than ever that it was just some random attack, perhaps mistaken identity, perhaps someone Sim had crossed unknowingly. Since the funeral, his girlfriend had left Edinburgh and returned to her parents’ house in Newcastle, leaving only a forwarding address and a message to say how disappointed she was that there had been