Be Your Own Best Friend. Chessie King

but today I’m ready to tackle it.

       Simply just taking everything in and soaking up the moment. Those situations where I forget I have a phone, forget I have a meeting next week, forget I’m on my period – just absorbing where I am and what I’m doing. (You’re basically doing the job of a tampon, a pad, a menstrual cup/your favourite choice of period protection … you’re just mopping up the moment instead of blood!)

      The result? You feel like the bawwwws, the CEO – like you’re in control of your life and your life’s not controlling you. There are so many places you could be reading this book, but wherever you are, trust that you are right where you need to be.

       I’m feeling SWAMPED

       MY DEFINITION: when you’ve got too many tabs open in your brain, you’re drowning and life feels like an overwhelming, stressful mess.

      Mini Chessie did all the activities – at school, after school, on weekends … Life was non-stop, packed with dancing, singing, theatre school, drum lessons, swimming, diving, horse riding, tennis, homework, revising … but it all felt manageable back then because I had Julie taxi-driver King, AKA superwomannnnn. Being an adult is a little bit different! I have those days when I feel like there’s a squillion and one things to do, one of me and only 24 hours in the day to get it all done. Sometimes when we’re overloaded with the glorious bollocks of life, we have to remind ourselves how much our noggins are doing for us.

      Our brains are very good at making things way more serious than they actually are. Don’t make your life more exhausting than it already is – it doesn’t need to be. If we all stay in this state of ‘I have so many things to do and I just can’t do it all and if I don’t get them done someone’s going to die and I feel like it’s going to be me’, that pressure is going to limit our ability to get shit done (short term) and our happiness levels (long term).

      Dr Chatterjee (who Mum is only slightly obsessed with … She has his podcasts on repeat and sends every new episode of his to Dad, Brontë, Henry, Mat and I … and her yoga students) talks about ‘micro stresses’ and how they can all add up to feeling overwhelmed. That feeling when your brain is about to explode might have a little something to do with a morning of micro stresses like this:

       You snooze your 6 a.m. alarm three times, then check your phone and it’s 7.30 …

       You start reading your 42 million messages, determined to clear your WhatsApp sitting on the toilet.

       Ten minutes later and you’re still sat there even though you finished nine minutes ago because you’re trying to reply to your boss’s ‘Urgent. Please respond ASAP’ email.

       You turn on the radio, and the news is telling you all your trains are delayed by an hour.

       You look on Maps to see how long it would take you to walk the six miles to the office … 75 minutes … cute.

       You click on Instagram just to see how your post went down the night before, then somehow end up on your friend’s ex’s mum’s dog’s profile, liking a photo the dog posted in 2014.

       You get on a replacement bus because your train is now cancelled and realise you left behind your lunch that you spent over an hour packing up last night.

       You finally get into work at 2 p.m. and your boss calls you in for a meeting to talk about your time management …

       I’VE BEEN THERE … I’VE GOOGLED ‘CAN A PERSON SELF-COMBUST AND IS IT MESSY?’ NO WONDER YOU FEEL CLOGGED UP AND READY TO IMPLODE – YOUR BRAIN IS FULL TO THE BRIM!

       LET’S CLOSE SOME TABS DOWN

      Our brains were not designed to take on an endless stream of emails, WhatsApps, comments, messages, notifications and constant noise … You need to give your mind the quiet it needs to sift through all this information.

      Tell me what you’re thinking about. Grab your notebook and let’s have a satisfying brain dump …

       Draw your brain – whatever shape, squiggle or outline.

       Write all the words, all your thoughts, the questions – everything going on inside.

       Is there anything you can answer? Is there anything you can’t? Write it down without judgement.

       What about the things you can control? Ask yourself: is the world going to end if I don’t do this? Is anyone going to get hurt? Will it make me happy if I do this?

       No? No? and No? Well, you don’t have to do it then. Draw your brain’s twin. Empty.

       Fill it with just three things you can do. Three things you want to do.

       Close your eyes and take the deepest breath you can, fill yourself up with air – that air is confidence and belief. Slowly breathe out all the shit you can’t control. Know that you can come back to this place, to create space.

      I have always been a yes girl, rarely giving myself time to even think before I’ve given my answer. But I’ve learnt how to say no. It’s a feisty word once you understand its power.

       REPEAT AFTER ME:

       I will say no if someone says, ‘Are you okay?’ and I’m feeling like shit.

       I will say no to things that make me feel uncomfortable.

       I will say no to, ‘Are we still on for tonight?’ if I don’t want to be ‘on’ for tonight.

       I will say no to seeing people who make me feel heavy and negative.

       I will say no to things that aren’t going to help me or anyone else.

       I will say no when I know I need to say yes to looking after myself.

      … and never feel guilty for it. Be proud that you made that choice for yourself. You honoured your freeeeeeedom.

      The moral of my swampy story: you can do anything … remember not to confuse that with everything.