history.”
“You wanted to talk. I’m trying to listen.”
Touched by her compassion, Shane considered how much he should tell her. If he had any hope of convincing her to let him share in the decisions she had to make, he would need to gain a level of her trust. Wasn’t that worth exposing a part of his past, even if it was a painful part?
Slowly he began telling his tale. “I was engaged about a year ago. Her name was Carla. She had a little boy named Jimmy. He was the cutest, smartest little kid you have ever met. At four he knew the entire alphabet.”
He paused, remembering those happy times, remembering how proud he had been of Jimmy.
“He was your son?”
“No, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t matter to me, anyway. It was easy to love Jimmy and to think of him as my own. I believed that I was in love with Carla, but it was Jimmy who got me to thinking about making us one big happy family. For Carla it was a different story.”
“How so?”
“Jimmy’s father had split right after Jimmy was born. He never kept in touch, never paid support—you know the type.”
The deep bitterness in his voice momentarily took her aback. “I’ve met a few guys like that in my time.”
“One day he showed up again. Carla decided life would be better for Jimmy with his ‘real’ father. She broke it off with me, went back to him and they moved away.”
“That must have been rough.”
“It was. Jimmy didn’t know his ‘real’ father from a hole in the ground. I was the only father figure he’d had in his life. Carla was an adult. She made her choice and I hope she is happy, but Jimmy didn’t get a choice. I hope he’s happy, but I’ll never know for sure.”
“So what do you want from me?”
He stared down at his hands clasped together on the tabletop, then looked up and met her eyes. “I keep asking myself that same question. I guess I want to know that you have all you need to make a good life for my son or daughter.”
The waitress came back just then with their order. While Shane added a spoon of sugar to his coffee, Annie toyed with the marshmallows floating on her cup of hot chocolate. She hadn’t expected him to reveal so much about himself. She hadn’t expected to empathize with his feelings of loss or to find herself wanting to comfort him. What was it about him that broke through her defenses?
He had been a one-night stand. She had been with dozens of men in those years when addiction ruled her life and made getting another drink more important than food or shoes, more important than friends or family. The list of loved ones damaged by her sickness and her bitter refusals to get help was longer than her arm.
“Shane, I respect that you want to be involved, I do, I just don’t see how I can promise you anything.”
“I’m not looking for any promises. I just need to know that both of you are going to be okay.”
“I’m okay without your help.”
A lopsided grin made a dimple appear in his right cheek. Why did he have to be so cute and so genuine?
“I’m sure you are, but it seems that I’m not. Can’t you see some way to…I don’t know…to let me give you money to help with expenses?”
Annie’s sympathy for Shane splintered like a cheap glass on a tile floor. Shards of it pricked her hard-won self-respect.
“I don’t take money from men.”
“Oh, man, that’s not what I meant. Not at all. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think—”
“Fine.” She cut him off, wanting only to get home and curl up in her bed with her head under the covers. She started to get out of the booth, but he stopped her by laying a hand over hers on the table.
“Please don’t go. I’m a total jerk. Ask anyone who knows me. I put my foot in my mouth fifty times a day.”
The sincerity of his plea gave her pause, but it was the look in his eyes that made her stay. “That must make it hard to march in formation.”
He relaxed, a ghost of a smile curving his lips. “I’m lucky—in my outfit the horses do all the legwork.”
He drew his hand away slowly. Oddly she wished he hadn’t. For a tiny fraction of time she had felt comforted by his touch.
It was ridiculous. She didn’t need his help, his money or his comfort.
“Can you accept that I’m a well-meaning, if inept, person?” he asked.
“I guess I can accept that.”
“Good. I honestly do want to help. Tell me how.”
It would be so easy to give in to his pleading and let him shoulder the responsibility of providing the things she and the baby would need. Things like their own place to live, a crib, even clothes for the baby. But to do that would be like going backward in her recovery.
Once, she had used alcohol as her crutch to make life bearable. She wouldn’t substitute that addiction for a dependence on this man, even if it seemed harmless on the surface. Her track record with relationships didn’t include any that had been harmless.
“Thanks for the offer, but I think the best thing for both of us is to go our separate ways.”
“I have rights as a parent.” His tone carried a new determination.
So he wasn’t harmless after all. “What are you saying?”
“Under the law, I have the same right to this baby that you do.”
“Is that a threat? If you think you can take my baby away, you had better think again. I’m not afraid of you.”
He held up both hands and shook his head. “It’s not a threat. I’m not saying I would make the better parent.” Leaning forward, he clasped his hands together. “I have no intention of trying to take this baby away from you. I’m only saying that I have an equal responsibility to take care of him or her.”
She wasn’t sure she believed him. Trusting men was as foreign to her as owning diamond earrings.
He sat back and wrapped his hands around his mug of coffee. “You should drink your cocoa before it gets cold.”
Annie lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip of the rich, sweet chocolate. It helped steady her nerves and gave her a chance to think about what she needed to do next. Shane was making it evident that he wasn’t about to go away.
Suspecting he was right about the law, she had no intention of making it a legal matter. Even with the testimony of Marge as her sponsor, Annie doubted that a judge would overlook her past in a custody battle. For the moment, Corporal Shane Ross had the upper hand.
Would he turn out to be a dog in the manger? Once he got what he wanted, would he lose interest? His story about the little boy he had lost to a deadbeat dad didn’t mean that he wouldn’t follow the same pattern. Perhaps instead of fighting him, she should wait and let time do the work for her. Not many of the men she’d known came through on their promises. Why should she think Shane would be any different?
She couldn’t quite silence the small voice in the back of her mind that told her this man was different.
“Have you thought about adoption?” he asked after a few minutes.
“I’ve considered it, but I want to keep my baby.” She’d admitted the thought aloud for the first time and it felt right.
“That’s good to know. Thank you for telling me.”
Had she made a mistake? Confiding in him was easier than she’d expected. She quickly resolved not to give him any more information. “I should be going.”
“But