Perfect Kill. Helen Fields

water across the tops of the mugs and her hand.

      ‘Ava, stop, please,’ Natasha said, standing and walking round the table towards her.

      ‘No,’ Ava said. ‘If you’re here, it’s because it’s bad news, and I can’t hear it, Tasha. God help me, I know it’s you going through this, not me, but I can’t have anything happen to you. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t stand it.’

      Natasha wrapped her arms around Ava’s shoulders, holding her tight.

      ‘I couldn’t have this conversation before I knew for sure what it was. You’d have made the same choice. It was less painful not to think too hard about it. I knew you’d want to come to every appointment with me, ask every question, cross-examine the doctors, but I just wanted to let it all happen without a fight.’

      ‘How bad?’ Ava whispered into her friend’s hair.

      ‘Bad, but not hopeless. I won’t give you all the medical terms. I’ve driven myself mad looking it all up already. It’s stage two. I’ll need another operation, chemo, maybe radiation therapy, then they’ll review again and see how I’m doing.’ She stepped back, wiping tears from Ava’s face with her thumbs.

      ‘Oh holy shit. I’m so sorry I shouted at you. I’m such an idiot. You came here because you needed me, and I …’

      ‘Actually, I came here for you to yell at me and get it out of your system. You’re nothing if not predictable,’ she grinned.

      ‘Go to hell,’ Ava said, more tears falling. ‘Tasha, I have to ask.’

      ‘It’s all right,’ Natasha said. ‘Roughly speaking, there’s a fifty per cent survival rate for the type of cancer I have at this stage. It’s nowhere else in my body yet which is the good news. Apparently my aunt had it too, so there’s a family history to take into account, although I found out about that, as ever, when it was too late for a heads-up.’

      ‘So you’ve told your parents then?’ Natasha nodded. ‘How were they with you?’

      ‘Well, they managed not to ask if it was something I’d caught because I’m a lesbian, so I guess that was progress.’ She laughed, and Ava’s kitchen rang with the hollowness of it. ‘They were shocked, I think, but told me they’re sure I’ll be fine. Not what I wanted to hear, oddly. I mean, I want people to be reassuring, but it’s so bland when it happens like that. Almost dismissive, like they can’t cope with the reality so it’s an easy line to trot out.’

      Ava sighed.

      ‘Still want that tea?’ she asked.

      ‘Damn right I do. I can’t drink booze at the moment, so tea’s about my only decent option.’ Ava busied herself with the mugs and teabags. ‘Anyway, I’m here to ask you to just stand by me, I suppose. At the moment, I’m not quite sure what’s ahead. I have another appointment at the hospital tomorrow to agree a treatment plan. I know you’re busy with your caseload but …’

      ‘I’ll be there,’ Ava said. ‘Whatever you need. Just message me about the time. I’ll drive you.’

      ‘You don’t have to go that far,’ Natasha smiled, taking the offered mug and sitting back down at the kitchen table with it.

      ‘Oh, that’s just because you’re a liability on the road already. I honestly can’t let the general public be put at risk if you’re even more distracted than usual.’ Ava sat opposite her.

      ‘Fuck you,’ Natasha grinned.

      ‘I love you,’ Ava retorted. ‘And I’m so ashamed about how I reacted. I wasn’t angry at you.’

      ‘I know that.’ Natasha reached across and took Ava’s hand in hers. ‘Do you remember when we were fourteen and that little gobshite Barry Beckwith told everyone he’d put his hand up my skirt? I came to you crying. Everyone was gossiping about it, and I thought my life was basically over.’

      ‘I screamed at you because you hadn’t punched him in the face as soon as you found out. Did you have to remind me?’ Ava laughed.

      ‘The next day, Barry turned up at whatever awful party we were at, with a black eye and a cut lip, telling everyone he’d been mugged for his backpack. I knew it was you, even though you never admitted it.’

      ‘I hated seeing you hurt like that.’ Ava smiled gingerly. ‘I still do. At least I could just go and punch Barry Beckwith. What the hell am I supposed to do with this?’

      ‘Hold my hand, make me laugh, give me space when I ask for it. What actually did happen with Barry then?’

      ‘I called at his house, flirted with him, told him I wanted to do the same as he’d done with you. He invited me up to his bedroom, and as soon as he closed his door I smacked him in the face. He tried to grab me to stop me from leaving, so I headbutted him, only he was quite a few inches taller than me, so I only contacted his lip. I knew he’d never have the balls to admit he’d been beaten up by a girl, so I wasn’t worried. He had tears in his eyes as I left, which I figured was almost good enough payment for what he’d done to you.’

      ‘I’m so glad we’ve always been friends. Mainly because as an enemy you’re terrifying.’

      ‘Whatever happens, I’ll be at your side,’ Ava said softly, the laughter gone. ‘You can’t leave me, Natasha. I won’t let you.’

      ‘Not even you can control this one,’ she replied. ‘But I appreciate the fact that you’re going to try, more than you could possibly know.’