and feel safe in this new world. That is why, if you find yourself in the same position for three hours in a row, breastfeeding, do not worry. At this stage this is the only thing that you need to do. Just be patient, stock up on some good books and some hypoallergenic cookies.
And please do not worry that you do not have enough time for everything. This is not important right now. You can take that shower tomorrow. Or after tomorrow.
3. There is one more difficulty that all new mothers face. In the beginning it is very hard to understand a baby, who does not have any means to show what he/she needs, other than crying. If your baby is screaming and you do not understand him\her, it does not mean that you are a bad mother. It is impossible to recognize all intonations right away. You will get this with time, because you feel your baby like no other.
Your baby knows it too. And it is usually the mother who a baby turns to if he/she needs something. It is the mother who is expected to help and understand. This is why sometimes it might seem that with other members of the family your baby is somehow calmer than with you, his/her mom (or father). More likely, it is not just a guess. And it is not because there is something wrong with you. It is because a baby always expects more from the person who plays the biggest role in his/her life. Usually, only mom will help if a child is scared, hurt or cold, and will bring the feeling of peace, warmth and confidence, showing that everything is fine.
One of the chapters in this book contains lifehacks on a topic of “How to calm down a crying baby”.
4. The next very important advice to all new mothers – do not forget to rest from taking care of your baby. Yes, you heard it right! If going out just means going to the shop to buy new bibs and bodysuits, if you hold your cat up after every meal to burp, if for every partner’s phrase you automatically have a nursery rhyme ready in your head – then it is time to take a break!
Be it a meeting with your friend or a swim at the swimming pool, or going out to see some movies – it is not important what you choose. The main thing is that the chosen activity must help you to relax and gather strength. A calm and happy mother – this is what your baby needs (and your partner as well!)
You can find advice on how to find time for yourself in the chapter “Maternity time-management”.
5. And the last advice in this chapter for those who recently stepped on the path of motherhood. You have already read and continue to read so many things about children. The Internet and magazines pour out advice and different approaches to parenting. Books compete in promoting different theories and attempt to teach us “the right way to raise a child”. French children don’t throw food. German children easily go to bed at 8 p.m. Neighbor’s Johnny sleeps all night since birth and goes to toilet strictly in his potty.
Do not believe in everything you read and hear! New parents get buried under so many categorical statements and other people’s “right” examples. It is easy to think that you are doing something wrong.
I got caught up in this trap so many times. Especially in the first months when hormones are raging in your body and replace common sense. However, maternal intuition and my son looking happy and carefree returned my ability the ability to think adequately.
Reading books and learning from more experienced people is wonderful, but it is important that it helps and does not make you neurotic, constantly thinking you are raising your child wrong. Those who breastfed their baby following the schedule and put the baby to sleep in a separate bed since birth, start to worry that they had missed something important when they read about “natural parenting” and co-sleeping. On the other hand, after reading another book, those who breastfed their baby on demand and constantly carried him/her in their arms, start to question their approach and worry that the baby will grow up spoiled.
As you can see, they are two completely opposite theories, and there are plenty of arguments for each of them. But in the end the most harmful thing in both cases is the mother’s worry about her so-called mistakes. Maternal intuition and unconditional love for your child – these are the best fundamental things for your baby’s upbringing.
Read, learn new things, but do not let other people’s words make you question one thing: you are the best and the most proper mother for your child. Do how you feel is comfortable specifically for your baby, specifically in your family. All advice and information from the books and the Internet should firstly go through the filter of your own understanding and your maternal intuition, including this book.
Chapter 3. Lifehack for daddy
Long before birth I enthusiastically started compiling all sorts of lists: list of things for a newborn baby, list of things to take with me to the hospital, etc. Among these lists were directions for my beloved husband Artemy. I specified all the things that he would need to do while his precious wife was at the hospital.
While working on this book, I decided to include this list in my literary opus. Later I got an idea to write a whole chapter for future fathers. However, this chapter would have been lopsided if I wrote it all by myself. Then I asked my husband a question: “What advice would you give to men who are soon to be fathers?”. The first thing that he said was: “Spend all days of your annual leave for the time after birth because your wife will really need you”. This answer made me fall in love with my husband once again.
On my return from hospital I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and it brought me immense happiness to be together with my family all days long. All the memories about difficulties of the first days are already erased from my memory, but I know for sure that at that moment my husband’s attention and help were more important than any present. So, my dear future fathers, instead of writing “Thank you for our son” on the rear window of your car, better give your wife all your time and surround her with care.
Usually fathers are more relaxed about the process of caring for a baby. This is something that amazes me the most. Even if they put on a diaper backwards and cannot tell the difference between a bodysuit and a sleepsuit, daddies can handle any task. Fast, easy and without a nervous breakdown.
I remember how terribly worried I was on those first days when Matvey was crying and I did not understand what he needed. Artemy, my husband, would just pick the baby up and start reciting Pushkin’s fairy tales, walking around the room. Matvey would easily calm down and be fast asleep, listening to the famous Russian poet (I am talking about Pushkin, not my husband).
And so it happened always, in every situation. Fathers are not obsessed with the idea of doing everything “the right way”, they do not worry if they do not know something and do not panic about first snots or wrong colored poop. They just know that they can handle it, and everything will be good in the end.
Anyhow, despite the huge responsibility, I will take the liberty to write this chapter. “Lifehack for daddy” contains advice for future fathers. This is the only chapter written in collaboration with my husband, so it also contains the male opinion on the subject of having a new little family member. I hope it is unbiased.
І. To men: what you need to do while your partner is at hospital
1. Remember that first days after birth new mommy will be obsessed with sterility because a little baby needs clean and fresh air. So before taking your wife home from hospital, do a big cleaning up. Wash the floors and wipe all existing surfaces so they will be free from dust. Ideally, wash all the curtains and throw blankets, and clean all furniture (all of this you can do before the birth date). In this pursuit for sterility you do not have to wash half of the planet with bleach. It is enough to do thorough wet cleaning and air your home regularly.
2. The car that you will use to meet your wife and the newborn baby from hospital should also be washed. By the way, do not forget about the child safety seat.
3. Try to finish all your personal errands before birth so that you