He bent down to kiss the top of his daughter’s head before walking away.
‘Thank you, Miss Ryan.’ He tossed a measure of gratitude back over his shoulder. It should have riled her when she was blatantly an afterthought but she drank it in like an eager-to-please lapdog, thirsty for praise. The only consolation she took from being such a slave to her hormones was that this exchange would probably stay with him for the remainder of the day too. If only because he’d been forced to accept her help in some small way.
* * *
Just breathe. Rafael did his best to keep walking and ignore the urge to look back. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle the sight of his daughter happier to co-operate with a member of staff than with him. The whole attraction of coming to Maple Island Clinic had been the idea of having Graciela close, and though he was relieved she’d stopped her theatrics this morning he hated the idea that someone could do a better job than him of looking after her.
His career was always going to keep him busy but he’d been sold on life here with the excellent child-care facilities Alex Kirkland and Cody Brennan had told him they provided on site when they’d lured him away from Boston Harbour Hospital. Although everything here on Maple Island had lived up to expectations, it hadn’t made the separation anxiety any easier. After his wife Christina had walked out on them he’d been doing the job of both parents and he was under pressure not to fail his daughter the way her mother had.
So far, it didn’t seem as though he was making a great job of it. Summer made him feel inadequate when it came to looking after his daughter for the simple reason she was doing a better job of it than he was. Regardless of his workload, he always made time for a leisurely breakfast together before he dropped her off at nursery. It was the one meal he was guaranteed to spend with his daughter. He appreciated that quality time together and he was sure that on some level Gracie did too.
Those rare family moments had been few and far between for him as a child. As Spanish nobility, his parents had always had more important business to attend to and had often dined elsewhere or at different times from their children. When they had been at home dinner had become an elaborate affair where he had been preened and polished before being allowed to dine with whatever dignitaries had been in residence. If at all.
It was a small rebellion against that regime by making breakfast a casual occasion, eaten whilst wearing pyjamas and before a hair or a tooth had been brushed, but it was his and Gracie’s ritual. He’d slipped up this morning by oversleeping and thinking he could get away with a juice box and a cereal bar on the go. It was never going to be that easy when he’d ripped her from her usual morning routine.
His mistake in sleeping through the alarm had been compounded by having the battle to get Gracie through the nursery door in Summer’s presence. It was bad enough leaving other people to do most of the caring for his daughter when he was working, without anyone witnessing his epic parenting fail. Summer in particular was always offering advice on how he could best manage Gracie’s challenging behaviour, as though she knew her better than he did.
Okay, she was acting in the best interests of his little girl and on some level he was grateful for the one-on-one attention she was receiving in day-care with regard to her extra needs. However, times such as this succeeded in making him feel guiltier than ever about his workload and the possibility he was neglecting her in any capacity.
It was absurd, of course. Graciela was his life, his reason for being, but he found it difficult to trust again or rely on anyone other than himself to do right by her. Christina’s sudden departure had impacted on every area of his life and he’d had to employ the help of his young neighbour, Mags, to babysit whilst he’d tried to make permanent day-care arrangements. They’d used her before without any problems on the rare occasion he and Christina had gone out as a couple for the evening. One emergency late-night call-out had changed everything.
Although it had been last minute, Mags had agreed to mind Gracie overnight while he went to the hospital to perform emergency surgery on a car-crash victim. He’d thought his daughter would be safe in her own home with someone he knew and trusted. Mags had never offered him a true account or explanation of what had happened that night but from what he’d gathered, the lure of a party in the neighbourhood had proved too great to resist. She’d left Gracie alone and his baby’s cries had been heard and reported to the police by other concerned neighbours.
He’d been confronted at work by police and child protection services as though he’d been the one to abandon her. Even when a tearful Mags had confessed what she’d done, Rafael had been subjected to interrogation and suspicion by social workers to the point he’d taken leave from his job to prove his devotion to his daughter.
Eventually he’d had to return and put some level of faith in agency childminders since they had the relevant checks and qualifications. However, that overwhelming feeling of guilt for what had happened, or what could have happened, had never left him. Even then, he hadn’t been able to shake the notion the efficient, professional women who’d enabled him to return hadn’t cared for Gracie much beyond their pay checks. Not the way Summer did.
Graciela had flourished since coming to the island and it would take time to come to terms with not being her sole source of support. He was thankful that there was someone who could reach her where others had failed but he was wary of their developing bond. Simply because it was drawing him closer to Summer too and that wasn’t somewhere he should be when he was supposed to be concentrating on his daughter.
He’d been hurt too much to risk another entanglement and though his head reminded him of that at every given opportunity, his senses and his body were more easily led astray. It was difficult to keep that security wall in place when Summer kept breaching it with a look or a touch and the sweet scent of her perfume that smelled like candy.
In any other circumstances he would have welcomed someone else’s devotion to his daughter but he hadn’t let anyone get close to them since his wife had broken their hearts. He’d always been attracted to strong, independent women and Summer wasn’t afraid to challenge him when necessary but he would never be distracted again when it came to Gracie’s welfare.
The way Summer was already so integrated into their lives was unnerving but Gracie had never responded so well to a female influence. Not even her own mother. Christina had been hurt by her refusal to interact with her at an early age, had taken it personally when it had merely been a symptom of her condition. She’d been embarrassed when their baby had failed to reach the milestones of others her age. In the end she’d simply told Rafael she wasn’t cut out for motherhood or marriage and had gone back to the single, carefree life she’d apparently missed so much.
The irony was that he’d been able to get the help and advice needed to aid Gracie after she’d gone. Christina had been in denial that her baby could be anything other than perfect, when Rafael had known all along there had been something wrong. Once he’d been able to get a diagnosis so they knew what they were dealing with, it had been easier to cope. If Christina had hung around she would’ve watched her child reach all those milestones, if slightly later than her peers.
It hadn’t made life as a single parent any easier to have a daughter with special needs and there certainly wasn’t room for a Christina replacement. He couldn’t trust anyone not to hurt Gracie again.
Miss Ryan had to remain a mere bystander when it came to his family. Otherwise he was doomed to repeat the past and the opportunity to come to Maple Island would have been wasted. He hadn’t relocated here for anything other than the stability it offered Gracie. Bringing another woman into their home wasn’t going to achieve that, only offer more possibilities of heartache when she decided Gracie was too much reality for a pretty young blonde to handle.
Rafael had had his time of putting his wants first when he’d left his family behind in Spain to come and study medicine in America. Unlike his parents, he wanted what was best for his child, not necessarily what was more acceptable for them. That selfishness and all the other negative family connotations he’d turned his back on could stay in the Mediterranean as far as he was concerned.
Rafael’s