so much. Maybe it was just that she knew she wasn’t good enough? Nina had been told that plenty of times in her life, so why would should it be different now?
She felt her phone buzz in her coat, knew it was Jack.
How’s court?
Nina didn’t answer—after all, she could be in the courtroom now, she reasoned.
How are you?
Nina didn’t answer that question either—she simply didn’t know.
She’d gone into this thing with him completely aware it was temporary, had shielded herself with that—she just hadn’t expected to like him so much. Lust, yes, fancy, yes, but she actually liked him, and maybe she was just fooling herself, maybe it was how Jack played things, but she was actually starting to think that he really liked her, which would be nice and everything, except …
Her phone buzzed again, but it wasn’t Jack this time but Blake, reminding her that she was picking him up at five.
Yes, when she’d far rather be busy, Nina was forced to sit and examine her feelings, because even if Jack might have no intention of ending things any time soon, in just a little while there would be no question of her sleeping over at his place, or long conversations in nice restaurants. There wouldn’t even be late nights staying back at the office to catch up on the backlog of work. Instead it would be homework and netball and babysitters …
And as much as she wanted her brother and sister, Nina was honest enough to admit that it was going to hurt to give her freedom up, and that was while knowing how much she loved them.
Why on earth would Jack, who didn’t?
The fact-finding hearing finally commenced at two p.m. Nina was actually glad at the effort she had put into the addendum and a judge who listened, because a dispositional hearing was scheduled and Nina breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped out and rang the office with the news.
‘Are you coming back in?’ Lorianna asked.
‘I’ve got Blake this weekend,’ Nina said, ‘so it will all just have to wait till Monday.’
‘I don’t think Jack Carter can wait till then …’ Nina rolled her eyes as Lorianna teased, ‘He’s stopped by here twice, looking for you.’
‘To discuss Tommy.’ Nina was so not going to fan the gossip. ‘He starts his chemotherapy next week and I’m trying to arrange some accommodation nearby for the father.’
She wished Blake’s social worker had taken distance into consideration when they had placed Blake. He lived miles from her and, given that she didn’t have a car, the trip during peak hour on a Friday night took for ever, as it would when she took him back on Sunday.
She was being ungrateful, Nina thought as she trudged up the Deans’ garden path. They were lovely people and had been caring for Blake for the last four years and adored him.
Or had.
When their daughter had emigrated, the Deans had looked into fostering and for three years things had run smoothly. But since their daughter’s return from overseas and two new grandchildren to get to know, Blake seemed to be being pushed out more and more. When Nina arrived, Blake was in his room.
‘Hi, there, Nina!’ Dianne opened the door and invited her in. ‘I’ll call Blake, he’s up in his room.’
Nina stood a little awkwardly in the hallway as Dianne called up to Blake, and though she chatted and was friendly, Nina could hear the laughter and chat coming from the lounge room and knew that Dianne was itching to get back to her family.
‘It’s my grandson’s second birthday.’ Dianne smiled. ‘We’re just having a little party for him.’
‘That’s lovely.’ Nina also smiled.
And it was lovely and completely normal, but she ached for Blake as he came down the stairs. Of course Nina had her doubts at times, of course she questioned taking on so much responsibility, but the second she saw his face any doubts faded.
‘Hey, Nina …’ He was so pleased to see her and he asked Dianne if he could show Nina a new poster that he had in his room.
‘Why don’t you show me when I bring you back?’ Nina suggested, because she had that uncomfortable feeling that she and Blake were in the way.
She ached for him.
Ached because for the Wilson siblings love never quite made the distance. Instead, they were always having to make do with someone else’s crumbs.
Well, not for much longer.
‘Are you looking forward to seeing the new apartment?’ Nina asked as they trudged through the slush towards their new home. ‘I’ve got to set up your bed and furniture when we get in. Maybe you can help?’
‘I want to watch the game …’ Blake was ice-hockey mad, and tonight Nina was actually glad of it as she’d get his room set up much more quickly on her own. ‘Can we get take-away?’ he asked for maybe the tenth time in as many minutes, refusing to let it drop when Nina said no. And as much as she enjoyed her access times, they were incredibly exhausting too. Nina wanted to be firm with him, but she didn’t want to spend the weekend arguing either, and of course she wanted to spoil him. It was conflicting and exhausting and she just wanted Blake properly in her life, not these alternate weekend vacations he expected.
She climbed the stairs to her apartment, Blake still moaning about dinner. She was already peeling off her hat and scarf when she saw Jack standing at her door, holding a bottle of wine.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘I came to talk to you.’
‘I told you I had Blake this weekend.’ She looked down at her brother, who was grinning up at Jack, and she was not going to discuss things in front of Blake.
‘Go inside, Blake.’ She turned the key and pushed open the door. ‘I’ll be inside in a moment.’ And then she remembered that Blake hadn’t been there before so she could hardly show him his new home by shoving him inside. Suddenly Nina knew how to sort this right here, right now, knew how to get Jack to leave. ‘Come in if you want to …’
She was incredibly annoyed that he did.
Blake raced around the apartment as Jack stood a little awkwardly. ‘This is your room,’ Nina said. ‘I’ll make up the furniture later. You go and have a wander around and get used to the place.’
She headed back to Jack.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said when they were alone. ‘I shouldn’t have just crashed in like that. I honestly thought when you said weekends that you meant Saturday.’
‘Nope,’ she said. ‘I have Blake two nights a fortnight and soon I’m hoping to make it fourteen.’
She was also incredibly annoyed about what his eyes suggested when she took off her coat and she stood in her court outfit, though it was a little less elegant as she’d changed into boots for the journey home.
‘How was court?’
‘Good,’ Nina said. ‘Well, there was a lot of hanging around. I read about you in a magazine, actually …’
‘Every word must be true, then.’
‘This one was devoid of scandal.’ She gave him a smile. ‘Your mum can’t wait to have grandchildren …’
‘Well, she can keep right on waiting.’
She heard the dismissal in his voice and again she was reminded about what she was dealing with.
‘Are you close to anyone?’
He just gave her a smile that spoke of the other night at the office.
‘I’m serious, Jack.’
‘As