leaned closer and looked into her eyes and felt every single one of her forty years. No make-up, just pale porcelain skin and lines of responsibility etched around her eyes and between her brows.
Too old for him, a nagging voice whispered, and she couldn’t silence it.
She was too caught up in her work to have any sort of meaningful relationship. Last night … Jared West … she’d known what he’d needed, that was all, and she’d offered a mutually beneficial exchange, seeing as their wants and needs had coincided.
Why, then, did last night feel like such a precious gift?
He was up and moving when she came out of the bathroom wearing yesterday’s clothes and a dusting of make-up. He had his jeans on and his shirt in hand and he smiled and slipped past her on his way to the bathroom.
‘Give me five minutes,’ he murmured.
She should leave.
Instead she headed for the kitchenette and finished what he’d started when it came to the making of coffee. It wasn’t going to be particularly good coffee, mind, but the little machine was doing its best and she was grateful for it.
Jared joined her a few minutes later, and the expression of pure appreciation on his face would have been gratifying indeed had it been directed at her rather than at the beverage.
‘Thanks,’ he muttered when she pushed the mug towards him.
‘My pleasure.’ She smiled wryly. ‘How do you feel this morning?’
He took his time answering. ‘Quiet. Empty. I slept. You? How do you feel?’
Rowan held steady under the sudden intensity of his gaze. ‘Responsible,’ she offered truthfully. ‘Wary.’
She watched his gaze harden.
‘You don’t need to be either of those things.’
‘Grateful,’ she said next, and sipped her coffee and studied him over the rim of the mug. He was pretty when he scowled. ‘Grateful for your trust.’
He ran his hand through his hair and for a moment he looked so lost.
‘I’m not—’ he began. ‘I’m not always like that in bed.’
‘What are you usually like?’
‘Dominant.’
‘Sometimes people switch.’
He didn’t look convinced. ‘Not me. Not often. Ro … last night was all about me, and I’m sorry, because it shouldn’t have been. What do you want out of this? What do you need?’
Now it was Rowan’s turn to feel lost and uncertain. ‘I don’t know what I want from you, or what I’m likely to need. I enjoy your company. Your body.’ And, truth be told, she enjoyed his current vulnerability.
His gaze skated to her bare upper arm. ‘I know it’s a little late, but what about pregnancy?’
‘I have long-term contraception in place.’ A lot of agents did.
‘I figured,’ he muttered. ‘Still should have checked.’
‘It wasn’t just your responsibility.’
‘Yeah.’ He ran his hand through his hair—that nervous gesture of his again. ‘Things are different with you in the mix. I’m getting that loud and clear.’
‘Is that a bad thing?’
He set his coffee down abruptly, took hers from her suddenly nerveless fingers as well. And then he framed her face and kissed her, and she felt the hunger and the desperation in him all the way to her soul. By the time he pulled back they were both breathing hard and her hunger was probably a match for his.
‘No, it’s not bad at all,’ he muttered roughly. ‘You scare the hell out of me. I scare the hell out of me. But I want more of this. Whatever this is.’ He pulled back. ‘I’m going to make some decisions today—career and lifestyle-altering decisions. I hope you’ll bear with me. I hope you’ll still want me.’
‘Jared—’ She badly wanted to see his confidence return, along with devilry and laughter. She wanted life for him, and peace. ‘I think that’s a given.’
Jared sat at his temporary desk in the open-plan cubicle that was meant to be an office and stared at the two identical reports he’d just handwritten. He’d given them everything that he’d held back the first time. Every person who’d come looking for Antonov’s wares during his time with the man, every name he knew, the connections he’d fathomed, the business framework the now-deceased arms dealer had built. Handwritten—all of it. Not a copy in existence. No cards left to play any more.
He was finished.
Management had asked him for a decision yesterday and he’d stalled them. Turned out he hadn’t needed much more time in order to make his decision after all. He didn’t have anything to pack—his desk was empty. He didn’t have anything to wipe from the computer in front of him because in the short time he’d been back he’d never used it. Save to open emails and ignore them.
He made his way up to the management office he’d been in yesterday and stopped ten feet in front of the secretary-who-wasn’t-a-secretary, waiting for her to acknowledge him.
He didn’t have to wait long.
‘Jared.’ She sounded cautious beneath the overlay of pleasant. She looked as if she knew his answer already and was simply waiting for him to voice it.
‘I have a report for you. It discloses the information I gathered during my time with Antonov. I hope it’s useful.’
She didn’t even look at the sheaf of papers he placed on the table. ‘So you’re leaving us?’
‘Yes. I like the woman you chose for me. I’m flattered that you think I could ever partner with her to run the division. I’d learn a lot from her, I think. And from you.’ He nodded towards the door on the left. ‘And from him. I respect what you do here and the skills required to do it. But the wellbeing of my family will always come first with me and every last one of my siblings is in a good place at the moment, living good lives that they’ve created for themselves. I don’t want to cut myself off from them and I don’t want to lure them into the shadow world you’re offering. My resignation is at the end of the report.’
She regarded him solemnly. ‘It’s true, this life is not for everyone. We appreciate you considering it.’ She looked at the report. ‘Would you be willing to consult with us on occasion?’
‘If it’s only my skills you want, yes. If you want access to the resources the rest of my family has access to, then no.’
‘I’ll make a note. Thank you for the report. Your resignation is effective immediately. Is there anything else?’
‘No.’ He made to take his leave.
‘Mr West? If you’re dropping by Section Five on your way out, tell Director Farringdon I’d like to see her when she has a moment.’
‘Of course.’ He hesitated. ‘Has anyone ever sat in the top job by themselves?’
‘Of course they have.’ She smiled slightly. ‘And may again.’
Rowan was on a conference call when he went to see her, according to Sam.
‘How long will she be?’
‘They’re just getting started.’
‘I only need a minute.’
‘Not possible.’ Sam eyed his duffel bag with suspicion. ‘Going somewhere?’
‘To pick up a yacht and then to my brother’s beach house. I’m done here. I resigned this morning. I need one minute with her. I want to drop something on her desk. She doesn’t even have to break her call.’