‘Is everything with you a lesson?’ she demanded, and he laughed softly.
‘I just want you to know what you’re doing. This is a decision. It’s me you’re making love to, Princess.’
Natalia widened her eyes, gave her voice its familiar mocking edge. ‘What was your name again?’ she asked, but Ben didn’t smile. He looked so serious, so intent.
‘Don’t do that,’ he said quietly. ‘Don’t make this a mockery. Don’t put yourself down. You’re worth more than that, Natalia.’
Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them back furiously, looking away. ‘Am I?’ she asked, the words torn from her raw, aching throat. A tear spilled down her cheek. She hadn’t meant to say that. Feel that. And she certainly hadn’t wanted to reveal it to Ben.
‘Yes,’ he said softly, ‘you are.’ He wiped away her tear with his thumb, his hands cradling her face. ‘And I’m going to show you how much.’
His gaze steady on her, he laid her on the bed, gently yet with purposeful determination. There was no question about who was in charge here. She was most definitely not calling the shots.
And it made her feel more afraid and vulnerable than ever.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked in an unsteady whisper.
‘Loving you.’
Ben slid his T-shirt off and tossed it in the corner. The sight of his bare, sleekly muscled chest left Natalia breathless. When his shorts followed, she felt almost dizzy. He was really a most beautiful man.
Loving you.
Did he really mean that? Was she dreaming? Even now her body tensed, both in expectation and fear. She wanted this, but she was still so afraid. Afraid of being hurt. Of being rejected. Again. Always.
Ben stretched out alongside her, pressing a kiss to her jaw, his stubble rasping her cheek, his hand sliding up under her T-shirt to cup her breast. ‘First of all,’ he murmured, ‘we need to get rid of these clothes.’
Natalia couldn’t agree with him more, yet she still felt exposed when Ben drew them off her himself, his hands sliding all the way down her legs as he took off her shorts, then up her torso and breasts as he divested her of her T-shirt. Now they were both naked.
She’d been naked before with a man. She’d slept with several men, one she’d thought she loved. But it had never felt like this. Not even close. When Ben looked at her, his gaze sweeping slowly over her from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes, she felt as if he were seeing into her soul. Knowing her.
She blushed. All over. ‘I go blotchy when I blush,’ she whispered, and thoughtfully Ben pressed a finger to the rosy stain across her chest.
‘So you do.’ He bent and pressed a kiss to the same spot. ‘Intriguing.’
She squirmed. Why was this so uncomfortable? Even with desire pooling inside her, coursing through her veins, she felt too exposed. Too afraid.
Maybe she didn’t want to be known after all.
Ben lifted his head to gaze all too understandingly at her. ‘You’re thinking.’
‘You didn’t want me to turn off my brain.’
‘Turn it down a notch then, Princess. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.’
‘I’m not—’ She struggled for words, for breath. ‘I’m not used to this.’
‘I know.’
‘Really?’ She couldn’t keep herself from attacking, even now, when they were naked, their bodies pressed so intimately together, Ben looking at her so tenderly. ‘I’ve been with plenty of men before, you know. The tabloids didn’t get it that wrong.’ She was exaggerating on purpose, to push him away. Even now. Especially now.
Ben gazed at her steadily. ‘This is nothing like that.’
Natalia felt as if he’d stolen the breath right from her lungs. ‘That’s why I’m so scared,’ she whispered.
‘And you think I’m not?’ Ben asked, his voice a raw whisper. ‘I’m scared, and as you pointed out, I’m scared of being scared. I’ve got it double. So I beat you in that department, Princess.’
She laughed, a bubble of joy rising inside her, relaxing her, and Ben bent his head to her body, his mouth moving over her breasts, sucking, nipping. She threaded her fingers through his hair, so crisp and soft, as sensation took over. She definitely wasn’t overthinking this now.
Yet Ben never let her slide into oblivion. Any time she did, closing her eyes, throwing her head back, forgetting, he brought her back to the present, to him, nudging her eyes open, making her respond not just with her body, but with her mind. Her heart.
She writhed underneath him, resisting, wanting this to be simple. Easy. Safe.
Yet nothing about being with Ben was any of those things. It was frightening and wonderful and far too intense. His mouth moved down her body, lingering in certain places, his tongue tasting her skin, memorising her. Natalia lay there, accepting and strangely humbled, and yet also fighting the tide of desire that threatened to wash right over her, sweep her out to sea. She was afraid of this. Afraid of losing control, of being laid bare, body and heart and mind, before him.
His hair brushed her tummy as he moved lower, and then his mouth was between her legs, right at the centre of her, and Natalia tensed. His hands rested on her thighs, gently forcing her to stay splayed, utterly exposed and vulnerable, everything open to him, and she couldn’t bear it.
Natalia tried to pull away, resisting, afraid and embarrassed, but Ben wouldn’t let her hide herself. His mouth pressed against her and her body jerked in response, pleasure and sensation spiralling upwards inside her as her voice caught on a jagged cry. His tongue flicked against her folds and she cried again, the pleasure so intense it felt painful.
Still she resisted, her hips twisting as she tried to free herself from his hands. ‘Don’t—’ she gasped, and yet when he stopped she felt as if a jagged hole had been cut through her; she was devastated, empty and aching.
‘Don’t fight it, Natalia. Don’t fight me.’
‘I can’t—’ she gasped, because even now the thought of him seeing her like this made her want to cringe and hide.
‘Why?’ Ben asked quietly. She felt his breath feather her heated skin. ‘Why can’t you?’
‘Because …’
His hands rested on her thighs, steady and warm. ‘Do you want me to stop?’
‘No—’ she gasped, because that thought was intolerable. His mouth found her again and this time Natalia couldn’t resist it. She gave herself up to the feeling, to him, and when she cried out, her voice a broken splinter of sound, he slid inside her, consuming her as tears of both emotional and physical release streamed down her face and pleasure like nothing she’d ever known coursed through her, filled her heart to overflowing so the shell around it cracked and broke right open.
Her body clenched around him and she matched him stroke for stroke, tears still streaking down her face, waves of pleasure washing over her in an endless tide. Then she felt Ben find his own release, his body shuddering against hers before he subsided, their hearts beating a desperate rhythm against each other.
She was completely exposed, her body and heart, and there was nothing she could do about it. No way to hide or pretend now. Gently Ben wiped the tears from her face as her body shuddered in the aftermath of the most intense orgasm she’d ever experienced.
Her heart felt like something fragile and fledgling, exposed to the elements, barely able to survive. Even now she wanted to pull away and protect it. Protect herself.