left them alone. No doubt she thought she was giving them private time to be happy together, but then she didn’t know the truth.
The truth was that Nikolai didn’t want this baby. He’d stood stiffly by her side, his hard gaze fixed rigidly on the screen as the first images of their child had appeared. Now he couldn’t move, couldn’t look her in the eye.
The elation that filled her from seeing the baby, from knowing it was well, cooled as the tension in the room grew to ominous levels and she wished the nurse hadn’t left. At least then she might have been able to avoid the truth.
‘You must rest,’ Nikolai said, his voice deeper and more commanding than she’d ever known it. Was he blaming her? Was he even now thinking she was as uncaring as her mother had been?
‘I—I think we should at least postpone the wedding.’ She stumbled over her words as his fiercely intense gaze locked with hers. If she could get him to agree to postpone it then it would give them both time to decide if it really was the right thing to do. She loved him but couldn’t marry him, tie him to her, if there was never going to be a chance that he would one day feel the same for her.
‘No, but you won’t need to worry about anything. I will arrange for your final dress fittings to be at the apartment.’
He moved away as she sat up and slipped off the bed, but she felt more exposed than she had that morning she’d first woken in his bed. It was as if he knew everything about her. She knew he didn’t, knew that she still guarded her fear of rejection—his rejection. Her father had rejected her. Richard had too, just by refusing to see her as anything other than a friend, and the last thing she wanted was to be rejected by the father of her baby, the man she’d fallen in love with.
‘I’m not sure marriage is the right thing for us at the moment.’ It was like standing on the shore, allowing the waves to wash over her toes, each wave taking her deeper into the conversation until it was swim or allow the depths to swallow her up.
His eyes narrowed. ‘Why?’
‘It doesn’t feel right, Nikolai.’
‘We made a deal, Emma.’ The uncompromising hardness of his voice shocked her.
‘It’s almost as if you’ve bought me, bought the baby.’
‘You agreed to the deal, Emma, and if my memory serves me right held out for just that little bit more. Not content with securing yours and the baby’s future, you also wanted to secure your sister’s.’
‘But this isn’t right. We don’t love each other.’ The plea in her voice must have reached him somehow because he moved closer to her and she waited with bated breath to see what he was going to do or say.
‘Love isn’t always needed, Emma.’ He touched her cheek, brushing his fingers across her skin so softly she could almost imagine he cared. ‘Sometimes passion and desire is a better base on which to build a marriage and we’ve proved many times that exists between us.’
‘But that’s not love, Nikolai.’ She drew in a shuddering breath as he moved even closer. Why couldn’t he just admit he didn’t love her, that he would never feel that for her?
‘I don’t care what it is, we made our deal with it.’
‘But will it be enough?’ She stepped away from him, wanting to get out of this dimly lit room and away from the sudden intensity in his eyes.
* * *
Nikolai looked at Emma as she tried to evade him. Was she that desperate to get away from him? Was he doing the right thing, insisting the marriage deal went ahead?
‘For me, yes.’ There was no way he was going to reveal the depths of the emotions seeing his baby had unlocked. He wanted to protect his child, always be there for it. He also wanted to do the same for Emma, but after the call from Richard he doubted Emma felt the same way.
She’d come to New York to secure her and her child’s futures. She must have done her homework on him because she’d then held out for more than that when all he’d wanted was to keep his child in his life.
Fatherhood might not be something he’d looked for, or even wanted, but now that it had happened he wasn’t about to let any man or woman stand in the way and prevent him from being a father. He had to prove to himself he had not inherited his father’s mean streak.
‘And what if one day that changes?’ She challenged him further, deepening his resolve to make it work, to be the father he’d never had.
‘It will not change, Emma. We have created a child together and that will bind us for all eternity; nothing can change that now.’ The truth of his words sounded round in his head and he knew he couldn’t let her walk away from their marriage, their deal.
‘So there’s no going back?’ An obstinate strength sounded in her voice, as if sparring with him was making her stronger.
‘Never.’
THERE WERE JUST two more days until she married Nikolai and Emma was restless. She’d been taking it easy since returning from the hospital but today felt different. She’d had lots of time to think and, although Emma knew brides had nerves, she didn’t think they had the serious doubts she was being plagued with.
She still cringed with embarrassment at how close she’d come to revealing she loved him whilst they were on the boat, but those tense few minutes in the hospital had highlighted how bad the idea of marrying him was.
His reaction at the scan emphasised clearly that marriage was the wrong thing to do. She could feel him pulling away from her emotionally, locking down those barriers again, and she braced herself for his rejection.
It didn’t matter how many times she let the question wage a battle in her mind, she still came back to the same answer: how could she marry a man who didn’t love her? Each and every day she had fallen deeper in love. If only they hadn’t spent that night together after they’d returned from the party. If only he hadn’t stirred her emotions up and awakened her love for him, then maybe she could have merely acted the part of adoring and caring fiancée. Such thoughts were useless when each night spent with him filled her heart with more love.
Her phone bleeped on the table and she abandoned the view of the park she often contemplated and opened the usual daily text from Jess, missing her more than she thought possible. If Jess were here, sharing this moment with her, she might be able to deal with it better.
With a sigh she picked up the phone and read the text from Jess. As she read the words, her heart leapt with excitement.
Surprise! Be with you in five minutes.
Jess was here? In New York? How had that happened? She recalled the lighter conversations with Nikolai when they’d taken the boat along the river. He must have arranged for Jess to come over for their wedding. Why had he done that? He confused her. Such actions made him look nice, as if he did have some feelings for her, making everything even harder. She couldn’t back out of the marriage now if Jess was here, knowing that by doing so she’d be letting Jess’s chance of a worry-free future slip away as well as depriving her child of its father.
Ignoring the inner churning of her heart, she sent a text back to Jess. Excitement almost took over the nauseating worry that filled her. She wondered again about Nikolai’s motives for organising it. With a huff of frustration, she sent a text to Nikolai to say thank you. Two could play at the relationship game.
Before Emma had a chance to do anything else, the apartment door opened and Jess stood there, a big smile on her face. Disbelief kept Emma rooted to the spot for a moment and emotions overwhelmed her. Jess let go of her case and walked towards her and, as she’d always done, Emma enveloped her in a hug, not able to believe she was actually here.
‘How did you get here?’ she asked when they’d