for me to leave Nabatean. We could find some help for Rashid—intensive psychiatric counselling. We could focus on making our relationship work, on building a future together.’ She turned to give him a look full of scorn but beneath the scorn was hurt, that terrible hurt. ‘But, what you really mean is, you don’t want me here.’
Zahir forced himself to watch as she turned back, roughly brushing away the tears and biting down on her lip to steady it. He wanted her to stay more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. But he could not let her see that. He could not let his lack of judgement jeopardise her safety any more than it had already. Let his own desires compromise her well-being. More than that, he could not let his selfishness crush the life out of this precious creature. Because that was what would happen if she put her happiness in his hands.
‘Very well.’ He hardened his heart until it felt like lump of stone inside him. ‘Since you put it that way, you are right. I don’t want you here.’ It crucified him to say the words, but say them he had to. ‘The sooner you leave, the better for all concerned.’
She flinched as if he had struck her, and Zahir experienced the same horror, as if he had done just that.
‘Well, thank you for the truth.’ Finally she spoke, her words floating softly into the air before the dreadful silence wrapped itself around them again.
Zahir looked over his shoulder. He couldn’t take any more of this. ‘We need to get going.’ He paced several steps across the top of the dune, glancing back to where Annalina hadn’t moved. ‘The crew will have the jet ready for take-off.’
He didn’t give a damn about the jet or the crew. He just knew he had get away from here, deliver Annalina to the airport and put an end to this agony.
‘In a minute.’ She spoke with icy clarity. ‘First I would like a little time alone. You go back to the car.’
Curbing the desire to tell her that he was the one who gave the orders around here, and that furthermore he expected her to obey them, Zahir drew in a steadying breath. Certainly there was no way he was going to leave her up here on her own. ‘Five minutes, then.’ He looked around them, pointing his finger. ‘I will wait for you over there.’
Anna watched as he strode away, the breeze billowing the loose fabric of his trousers as he climbed up onto the next dune and stood there with his hands on his hips, tall and dark against the skyline.
The shock of his rejection had hardened now, the misery solidifying inside her until it felt less like a bad dream and more like leaden reality. The way Zahir had so callously dismissed her declaration of love still threatened to flay her skin but now she saw that it had been inevitable. A man such as Zahir would never be able to graciously accept such a sentiment. He didn’t know how. His own heart was too neglected. It was buried too deep.
She was staring into the crimson wash of the sky when a sudden thought came to her, dawning like the new day. It trickled slowly at first, but soon started to warm her, to heat her from within, until she began to throb with the idea of it—whether through hope, desperation or fear she didn’t know. If Zahir’s heart was so buried, so unreachable, perhaps it was up to her to try and change that.
Perhaps it was her duty to try and find it.
Zahir watched as Annalina got to her feet, expecting to see her start the descent back to the car. But instead she was heading towards him, scrambling over the sand that was shifting beneath her feet in her hurry to reach him. He saw her stumble and instinctively started to go to her but she was up on her feet again, using her hands now to propel herself forward until she had reached the top of the dune and pulled herself up beside him.
‘I know you don’t want to hear it but I’m going to say it again anyway.’ Her words came out all of a rush as her breath rasped in her throat, her chest heaving beneath the padded coat. ‘I love you, Zahir.’ She gulped painfully. ‘And nothing you can say or do will ever alter that.’
She was staring at him now, her hair blowing around her flushed cheeks, those beautiful blue eyes searching his face, beseeching him. Why? For what reason? He didn’t even know.
‘Love has no place here.’ He struggled wildly to release himself from her gaze, from the grip of her declaration. But when that bleak statement didn’t work, when she still refused to look away, he tried again, desperately searching for some sort of logic to make her see sense.
‘Besides, I suspect it is no more than an aberration.’ He tried to soften his voice, to sound reasonable, even though he had never felt less reasonable, more cut loose from sanity, in his life. ‘When you return to your country, you will see that.’
‘This is no aberration, Zahir.’ Stubbornly she refused to back down. ‘I will do as you say. I will get on that plane and fly back to Dorrada. But I guarantee it will change nothing, no matter how much you want it to. Neither time nor distance nor death itself will change how I feel. I love you, Zahir. And I always will.’
Zahir closed his eyes against the astonishingly punishing power of her words. He couldn’t accept them. He refused to accept them. A beautiful creature such as Annalina could never truly love a brute like him. He struggled to try and find the words to explain that to her, cursing when they refused to come to him, as if his vocabulary was deliberately defying him.
‘And what’s more...’ She held the moment in her hand, poised for the final thrust. ‘I think that you love me too.’
ANNA SAW HIM FLINCH, felt the twist of it inside her. She had no idea if it was true. It was as deranged a notion as it was incredible. The tortured look on Zahir’s face told her nothing either, except that her rash words had affected him deeply. But it was worth a try. What did she have to lose? Certainly not her pride—there was precious little of that left to worry about. And self-respect? If that was hanging by a thread too maybe it was time to stand up for herself, to challenge Zahir’s decision. All her life she had been the victim of other people’s schemes and machinations. Well enough. This time she was going to fight for what she wanted. She was going to fight for the man she loved.
‘Zahir?’ Gathering her courage around her, she broke the silence softly, like popping a bubble in the air. ‘Do you have nothing to say?’ She stretched out a hand to his face, turning him towards her. ‘Look at me, Zahir. Tell me what you’re feeling.’
‘I see no purpose in that.’ He turned against her hand, his stubbled jaw rough against her fingers as he presented her with his most harsh profile.
‘Tell me why you flinch when I talk about love.’ Still Anna persisted. ‘What is it about the idea that frightens you so much?’
This spun his head back round, made her drop her hands from his cheeks. The notion of Zahir being frightened of anything was totally ridiculous and yet, as she searched his furious gaze, she could see that it was true.
‘I have no idea what love is,’ he fired back. ‘It is beyond my reasoning.’
‘No, Zahir. I don’t believe you. I could hear the love in your voice when you spoke to me of your mother. I can see it in the patience you show to Rashid. You are capable of love, no matter how much you want to deny it.’
‘And look what happened to them, to my parents, to Rashid.’ He let out a cry that echoed around them. ‘Look what happens to the people that you claim I love. They are either murdered or left mentally deranged. Is that what you want for yourself, Annalina?
‘Stop this, Zahir!’ She matched his cry. ‘You can’t go on blaming yourself for what happened for ever.’
‘I can and I will.’
‘Then so be it.’ She knew there would be no changing his mind when it came to that terrible night. The guilt was too deep-rooted, too all-encompassing. ‘But you have no right to punish me for it as well.’
‘You!’