look him squarely in the eyes. ‘My mother drank and took drugs. She was weak, easily influenced by men, and I spent my childhood never knowing what life was going to bring from one day to the next. There were times when I was taken into care and other times when there were little periods of stability. My schooling was patchy and then, when I was still far too young, my mother died from an overdose and I was taken into care permanently. Eventually I was fostered, which was a nightmare, and thankfully I managed to win a scholarship to a prestigious boarding school. In between all of that, there was no opportunity to really crack on with the swimming lessons.’ She smiled wryly. ‘It was all I could do to make sure I kept ahead with my schoolwork, to be honest.’
‘Why did you choose to tell me...?’
‘Because you were curious. Hence your question about how it was that I couldn’t swim. In your world, there’s no such thing as an adult who doesn’t know how to swim. I think, in your world, most people don’t know what it’s like to grow up without their own private swimming pool and holidays abroad by the sea.’
Stefano didn’t say anything. She was beginning to make sense to him. He was beginning to understand the layers she had constructed to protect herself and he was also beginning to understand why it was so important for her to work hard and build a career.
A career would be something tangible she could hold onto and he guessed that, after a turbulent childhood, that would mean a lot to her.
And she was right. He’d been curious about her. He’d wanted to find out what made her tick even though it went against his better judgement.
Sunny shrugged. ‘I don’t share details of my past with people as a rule,’ she explained, ‘but neither is it some great big secret and it was easier to just fill you in than to have you constantly asking pointed questions. Also, you should know because you might want to change your mind about hiring me as a babysitter for Flora.’
‘Why would I change my mind?’
‘Because...’ Flustered, she looked away.
‘Because you think I’m probably a snob...’
‘I don’t think anything. I was just...giving you the opportunity... Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m more than happy to continue working for you until the end of next week. Who will be taking over after I’ve gone? Have you managed to secure another nanny?’
She was a wrong-side-of-the-tracks girl and she had made sure to tell him that, made sure to point out their differences, because she had picked up something. Probably she hadn’t even consciously registered it, but she had picked up something, some vibe he had been giving off, and she was firing a warning shot from the bows.
Except when had he become the sort of guy who got scared at warnings being fired? His learning curve at the hands of his ex-wife had freed him from any hesitations when it came to women. He played fair, he laid out the rules of the game and within those constraints it had never, not once, occurred to him, ever, that he might allow anything of himself to get out of control. He’d buried his emotions so deep that he had no idea where they were or if he would ever be able to find them and that suited him.
So if she was trying to warn him off by filling him in on the horrors of her background...
She truly must think him a crashing snob.
‘My mother usually helps out. Right now, as I have explained, she’s in Scotland but she will pick up the slack until I can secure someone else. Flora gets along with my mother slightly better than she gets along with me, which is not terribly well, but at least she isn’t outright rude, as she’s enjoyed being with the nannies I’ve hired in the past. Now, why don’t I get Eric to drop you at your flat, just long enough for you to change into something a little more dressy? I intend to take you both out for dinner, as I happen to be home much earlier than expected.’
‘No! Thank you. I... If you’re here, then I should be getting back.’ Which would come as a major blow to Amy, who was probably, right now, in full-blown domestic-goddess mode.
‘Nonsense,’ Stefano said smoothly. ‘I insist.’ He stood up and dialled his driver, whose lodgings were in a cottage on the grounds. ‘I’ve tried meals out with my daughter,’ he admitted with a trace less of his usual self-assurance, ‘and the success rate has been zero. When my mother comes, the situation is slightly less fraught but I’ve noticed small changes in Flora and I can only thank you for that.’ He gave his words time to sink in. ‘I think,’ he continued honestly, ‘if you came there might be a marked change of atmosphere.’
Why did the thought of having a meal out with him make her feel so jumpy? Flora would be there! Yet the thought of getting dressed up...turned it from a casual chat into an occasion.
But she’d told him about herself, had mentally reinforced the differences between them. Hadn’t she killed off all stupid notions of romance? She wasn’t tempted by bridal magazines and she didn’t peer at engagement rings in the windows of local jewellers. She’d sharpened up her act over the years and, anyway, she’d been born streetwise. She knew that there was a big difference between finding a guy attractive and knowing that he would be rubbish as a long-term investment and she would never allow herself to get wrapped up in anyone who would turn out to be a rubbish long-term investment. Her financial long-term investments were carefully thought out. Her emotional ones would be the same. She’d made that her life’s work.
So she was safe as houses when it came to Stefano Gunn, and sparing him no detail about her background—so very, very different from his—was just another safeguard in place.
Just for one bleak moment she stood back and looked at herself. So tough, so sensible, head always screwed on...
It made sense!
It was important to have full control... She’d lived a life where there had been no control; she’d seen how complete lack of control had destroyed her mother...
So here she was, letting her head work through her life options instead of her emotions...
Yet...
For just a few fleeting seconds she was shaken and disconcerted by a sort of raw envy of Amy’s trusting outlook on the world, her open, hopeful view of men, the enthusiasm with which she flung herself into relationships which Sunny could see would never work.
For a few fleeting seconds she wondered whether she hadn’t sacrificed too much in her quest for stability and her distrust of basic relationships. She’d watched her mother and had sworn from a young age that she’d protect herself from ever getting like that. She’d never let a parade of unsuitable men influence the outcome of her life. She’d never let a weakness for passing fun get the better of her good judgement. She’d never think that salvation could be found at the bottom of a glass or after getting high.
But now it crossed her mind that in her rush to learn her life lessons she’d written off a lot more than just those things.
Had she written off fun? Amy pretending to be a domestic goddess for some guy she would get bored with after two minutes...wasn’t that fun? And how much could you protect yourself from getting hurt? Without becoming a rock, isolated and set apart from the rest of the living, breathing, hurting human race? With John, she’d dipped her toes in the water only to hurriedly yank them out because the temperature hadn’t been right. So what happened next? The dry, sterile, clinical life of someone who refused to...dare?
‘Fine,’ Sunny said abruptly, annoyed with herself for the foolish tangent her thoughts had taken. She smiled stiffly and politely. ‘I’m sure Flora will be pleased. What time do you...want me back here or will we be going to somewhere in London? In which case I can meet you both there...’
‘Eric will wait for you. Somewhere here, I think. I know a couple of places and it’ll be far less tiresome than making the journey into central London, even if Flora and I can overnight in my apartment in Mayfair.’
He thought she didn’t have fun. Sunny’s thoughts were still whirling in her head even though she’d tried to snuff them out with