“Because she was backing you into a corner. She wanted to go, but she just hadn’t worked up the courage to do it.”
“So you agree. I’m responsible—”
“No. That’s not what I’m saying. You’ll never know exactly what she was thinking that night. But she was a grown woman plenty capable of making her own choices and the accident was just that—an accident.”
“They said that she died instantly.” His voice was so soft that she strained to hear him. “The coroner said she was pregnant. She was going to have my baby.” A tear splashed onto his cheek.
Jules leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. At first, he hesitated, and then his body pressed against hers. Her heart was breaking for him. When he finally got himself together, he pulled back. She reluctantly let him go.
She looked into his bloodshot eyes. “And this is the guilt you’ve been carrying around with you, isn’t it? Every time we start to get close, you pull back because you’re still blaming yourself for Gianna and the baby?”
“Yes.” His voice took on a weary, broken tone. “I don’t deserve to have you in my life.”
“I disagree. I think I’m exactly what you need.”
When he glanced at her, she ducked her head and pressed her lips to his. He didn’t move at first. She brushed her mouth over his, hoping he’d respond—that he’d reach out to her. He’d been so alone for so long and piling on the guilt for his wife’s untimely death. She couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. He was a good guy, and he deserved to move on with his life.
His lips moved over hers like a drowning man sucking in some much needed oxygen. He pulled her over onto his lap. His hands on either side of her head. Her hands resting on his powerful shoulders. Lip to lip and tongue to tongue, the love dance of a lifetime started.
At last the wall between them had come crumbling down. Jules knew what she wanted—Stefano. She wanted all of him, his past and his future. She loved him.
“WE SHOULDN’T HAVE done that.” Stefano rushed to button his shirt.
He swore under his breath. Every time he was alone with Jules all his common sense evaporated. Guilt consumed him. He’d meant to explain to her why they couldn’t be together and he’d ended up making love to her instead.
He raked his fingers through his hair. He didn’t dare look at her. It would be so easy to believe this was the beginning of something—not the end of something very special. Wait. Why was she taking this so well? She should be yelling at him—calling him every rotten name in the book. After all, he’d be the first to admit that he deserved it.
Maybe she hadn’t heard him. That had to be it. He opened his mouth to repeat himself, but nothing came out. He pressed his lips together. Deep down he didn’t want to push Jules away—he wanted to pull her close and keep her there. But that was impossible. And now, after reliving how his lack of good judgment had cost Gianna and their unborn child their lives, he couldn’t do the same thing with Jules’s future. He couldn’t let her wreck her future over him.
No matter how much she’d end up hating him, he had to set Jules free. It was for the best. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be. You were amazing.” Jules pulled on her boots and strode over to him. She smiled up at him. “And I—”
He pressed a finger to her soft lips, not letting her finish. He knew what she was going to say, and he didn’t think that he could bear to hear her say again that she loved him. If she uttered those words, he was afraid the last of his resolve would crack, and that couldn’t happen.
“You aren’t understanding me.” He averted his face to avoid witnessing the inevitable hurt in her eyes. “You and I aren’t meant to be.”
“Yes, we are.”
“No, we aren’t. Your life is back in New York. You have grad school to attend.”
“Grad school was Lizzie’s idea, not mine. I want to stay here with you.”
He couldn’t keep arguing with her. She had to understand that this thing, whatever it was, wasn’t going to happen again. She had a life to lead, and it wasn’t with him.
Stefano grasped her shoulders. “You have to hear me. This thing between us is over. After the wedding, you’ll get on a plane back to New York and I’ll be busy preparing for the harvest.”
Her eyes opened wide. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am.”
“But we just shared—”
“A special moment that I’ll never forget. But we have to be realistic. We both want different things in the future. And you don’t even know for certain what that’s going to be.”
She drew her shoulders back. Her eyes glittered with strength and determination. “I know I want you. And you punishing yourself for your wife’s accident isn’t going to change what happened. You’re a good man, and you deserve to be happy again.”
“I will be when I know that you aren’t throwing away your future. You have the whole world at your feet. All you have to do is choose your path.”
“I choose you.”
He refused to accept her words. She didn’t mean them. In time, she would realize that they were a mistake. “Don’t let your experience as an intern scare you away from grad school. This world needs people who see things that need changing and aren’t afraid to speak up. The key is not to give up in the face of adversity. Sometimes you just have to regroup and take a different approach. Be the voice of those children who can’t speak for themselves.”
She hadn’t thought of it that way. Was she turning her back on helping countless children who didn’t have a voice? The thought tumbled through her mind.
“And if you want to be a mother, you can do that, too. Don’t let your past hold you back. I know your life with your mother wasn’t good, but use it as a lesson in what not to do as a parent.”
Jules worried her lush bottom lip. “But what if I’m no good at it?”
“Follow your heart. It won’t lead you astray. You have good instincts. If you do that, you can’t possibly fail. But remember that no one is perfect. You’ll make mistakes along the way. Everyone does. Just learn from them.”
She tilted her head to the side and gave him a hard stare. “You know, you’re awfully full of good advice for a bachelor.”
“You forget I come from a very big family, and they are all full of advice. I guess some of it rubbed off on me.”
She was going to make someone an amazing wife. And when the time came some child was going to be showered in love. The image of her with a husband and baby flashed in his mind, causing his gut to knot up.
“To bad you can’t accept advice as well as you hand it out.” Her lips pressed into a hard line.
His hand rubbed over his stubbled jaw as a war raged inside him. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. But I can’t.”
“And here’s my advice to you. Don’t let the past dictate your future. Live in the moment. Otherwise you’re going to miss everything that is good in life.” When he didn’t say anything, she glared at him. “Why do I even try? I give up.”
The pained look in her eyes stabbed deep into his heart. He’d rather have dealt with some female hysterics than the defeat that was reflected in her expression. She turned, glanced over at the horses and then started walking back to the villa.
“Don’t you