just been a difficult evening.’ She waited for a thin line from Josh about the baby blues, or something like that, but he just looked at her for a long time before he spoke.
‘I’m quite sure this is all very difficult for you,’ Josh said.
And he was just so disarmingly nice that Izzy found herself admitting a little more. ‘Henry’s parents just stopped by. They’ve gone to see the baby.’
‘Henry’s your late husband?’ Josh checked, and Izzy nodded.
‘I’m sure you’ve heard all the gossip.’
‘I don’t listen to gossip,’ Josh said, ‘though Ben did bring me up to date on what happened before you came back to work, just so that I would know to look out for you. You know Ben’s not into gossip either, but he felt I should know—not all of it, I’m sure, but he told me enough that I can see you’d be having a tough time of it.’
His directness surprised her. Instead of sitting stiffly in the chair and making painful small talk, he came over and sat on the bed, took her hand and gave it a squeeze and a bit of that Irish charm, and Izzy could see why he was such a wonderful doctor.
‘Henry’s parents blame me,’ Izzy admitted. ‘They thought our marriage was perfect, they think I’m making it all up.’
‘They probably want to believe that you’re making it all up,’ Josh said wisely.
‘They were in tears just before, saying what a wonderful father Henry would have been, how a baby would have changed things, would have saved our marriage, if only I hadn’t asked him to leave. They don’t know what went on behind closed doors.’
‘They need to believe that you’re lying,’ Josh said. ‘But you know the truth.’
‘A baby wouldn’t have changed things.’ With his gentle guidance Izzy’s voice was finally adamant. ‘Babies don’t fix a damaged marriage. That was why I had to leave. I can’t even begin to imagine us together as parents. A baby should come from love...’
‘Do you want me to call Diego for you?’ Josh said, but Izzy shook her head.
‘He’s already been to visit,’ Izzy said. ‘He’s on a night shift tonight. I can’t ring him for every little thing.’
‘Yes,’ a voice said from the doorway, ‘you can.’ There stood Diego, but only for a moment, and she dropped Josh’s hand as he walked over.
‘I’ll leave you to it.’ Josh smiled and stood up. ‘Now, remember, if there’s anything we can do, you just pick up that phone. Even if it’s just a decent coffee, you’ve got a whole team behind you twenty-four seven. Just let us know.’
Izzy thanked him, but she sat there blushing as he left and waited till the door was closed.
‘Nothing was happening.’ Izzy was awash with guilt. ‘I was just upset, so he held my hand—’
‘Izzy!’ Diego interrupted. ‘I’m glad Josh was here, I’m glad you had someone to hold your hand.’
Yet she still felt more explanation was needed. ‘Henry would have had a fit if he’d—’
‘Izzy! I’m not Henry—I don’t care how many times I have to say it—I’m nothing like him.’
And he wasn’t.
She leant on his broad chest and heard the regular beat of his heart, felt the safe wall of his chest and the wrap of his arms, and if she didn’t love her so, it would be so easy to resent her baby—because nine weeks of just them would have been so very nice.
‘I’d better go.’ Reluctantly he stood up. ‘I’ll drop by in the morning and let you know what sort of night she had.’
‘Tilia,’ Izzy said.
‘Tilia,’ Diego repeated, and a smile spread over his face. ‘I like it. What does it mean?’
‘It’s actually a tree...’ Izzy’s eyes never left his face, because somehow his reaction was important. ‘I’m only telling you this—my mum would freak and I can’t have a proper conversation with Henry’s parents. It’s a lime tree. Henry proposed under this gorgeous old lime tree...’ Still he just looked. ‘We were happy then.’
‘I think it’s wonderful,’ Diego said. ‘And one day, Izzy, you’ll be able to talk about him to Tilia, and tell her about those good times.’ He gave her a kiss and headed for work, and Izzy lay back on the pillow and even though he’d said everything right, she still couldn’t settle.
She looked at new photos of herself holding Tilia and she didn’t see the drips or tubes, she just saw her baby.
And there in one photo was a side view of Diego.
The three of them together, except he wasn’t kneeling down with his arms around her.
She couldn’t imagine these past weeks without him.
Yet she was too scared to indulge in a glimpse of a future with him.
She kept waiting for the axe to fall—sure, quite sure that something this good could never last.
A midwife took her drip down and turned off the lights but the room was still bright thanks to the full moon bathing St Piran’s, and while Izzy couldn’t get to sleep, Diego on the other hand would have loved to because between visiting Izzy and working he still hadn’t caught up from
Tilia’s rapid arrival.
It was a busy night that kept him at the nurses’ station rather than the shop floor, where Diego preferred to be.
And, worse, from the computer he could hear her crying.
He glanced up and Brianna was checking a drug with another nurse working at the next cot, and Diego could hear Tilia crying. Brianna must have asked the other nurse for an opinion on something, because they were reading through the obs sheet. It was normal for babies to cry—he barely even heard it, so why did he stand up and head over?
‘Brianna.’ He jerked his head to Tilia’s cot and he wished he hadn’t, knew he was doing something he never would have done previously. If a baby was crying it was breathing was the mantra when matters where pressing. But Brianna didn’t seem worried at his snap. Actually, she was more discreet than anyone he had ever met, but he could have sworn he saw her lips suppress a smile.
And as for Josh, well, as tired as he might be, bed was the last thing he wanted.
He’d visited Izzy when really he hadn’t had to. Ben had actually asked for him to drop in over the next couple of days, but Josh had convinced himself that it was his duty to go after his shift.
Then, having visited her, he had hung around till someone had made some joke about him not having a home to go to, so eventually he’d headed there, but had stopped at the garage first.
As he pulled up at the smart gated community and the gates opened, Josh checked his pager and knew in his heart of hearts he was hoping against hope for something urgent to call him in.
God, had it really come to this, sitting in his driveway, steeling himself to go inside?
Izzy’s words rang in his ears.
‘A baby wouldn’t have changed things... Babies don’t fix a damaged marriage... I can’t even begin to imagine us together as parents... A baby should come from love...’
There had been love between him and Rebecca.
A different sort of love, though, not the intense, dangerous love he had once briefly known. That had been a love so consuming that it had bulldozed everything in its path. He closed his eyes and leant back on the headrest and for the first time in years he fully let himself visit that time.
Felt the grief and the agony, but it was too painful to recall so instead he dwelt on the consequences of raw love—a love that ruined lives and