meet them. I’ve only been here a few weeks and I can’t get away.” She spoke as if he wasn’t there any longer.
“What? Why? I would think you’d be glad to see her. Especially Emily.”
She flinched at the baby’s name.
“I know it’ll be hard but you don’t want to live with regret in your life. If you really think about it, you want to.” He stood and looked down at the top of her head. “Of course you’re going to see her. They’re your family. They came all this way.”
Lucy jumped up and went to stand at the window. “If I see Alexis, she’ll know.”
“Know what? I realize you had a hard time giving up Emily but this has to go beyond that. You’re an intelligent woman. You knew all along that was the plan.”
She twisted away from the view of the top of a tree outside to look at him. Her face was contorted with pain. “You don’t get it,” she spat. “It’s not just about Emily. It’s about me.” She poked at her chest a couple of times. “How I feel. About how I shouldn’t feel.”
He stepped toward her into her personal space in an effort to intimidate her into expressing her true feelings. If she got mad enough, maybe the truth would come out. “Then tell me how you feel.”
She looked down at the floor. “I’m jealous of what she has. Her happiness. Her perfect little family. There’s no place for me. I’m miserable when I’m around them. In the way. And worse than that, I hate myself for feeling that way.” She spat out the words. “The best thing for them and me is to stay away from each other.”
Ryan jerked back, his heart constricting. She couldn’t mean that. Family was everything. No matter how hard you had to work at it, you stayed together, cared for each other, did what had to be done. “Lucy, you don’t mean that. I took care of my sisters, my father as he slowly died, and I would do it all over again if I had to. That’s what a family does.”
Her head jerked up. She leaned towards him and looked him in the eye. “I’m not you.”
“You’re more like me than you think,” he said quietly. Had he misread her? His family was the center of his life. How could he be interested in someone who didn’t understand the value of family? He took a deep breath, getting control of his own emotions.
“Lucy,” he said in a quiet, soothing voice, hoping his even tone would make her speak and think more rationally. “You cared enough to carry a baby for her. You put your life on hold, took a risk to your body. Those are not signs of someone who doesn’t care. She’s your twin. That bond will always be there. Even if you want to hide from her.”
As if a bubble had been popped she deflated before his eyes. All the fight fizzled out of her. He enveloped her in a hug. She hung on as if he were her lifeline.
“Honey, you need to see your sister. Work through these feelings.”
Her fingers dug in, then relaxed on his back. He could feel her struggle within herself.
“Go with me,” Lucy said against his chest.
He’d never planned to become her emotional support but having her in his arms made him want to be there for her. He’d been the emotional rock for his family through the last ten years while his father had been dying. He’d had enough.
That had been until Lucy had come into his life, demanding he care again. To his astonishment, he wanted to be that rock of support for Lucy. He didn’t know how she’d done it but there it was. He wanted her to be happy. She needed to see her sister if she was ever to let go and find contentment.
“I don’t know. I think you need to see her alone. Work though this without me getting in the way.”
“But if you came with me as moral support?”
He looked into her pale face and pleading eyes. “Your family doesn’t even know me, honey. Under these circumstances, I don’t think that would be the best time to meet.”
“But you said you wanted to meet my sister.”
That had been before he’d realized the emotional strain Lucy was under. He was just coming to grips with his feelings for her. He wasn’t ready to make the commitment of meeting her family.
She gave him a pointed look as if this was going to be the make-or-break moment in their relationship. If he became her emotional support this time, would she expect him to always be there for her? Could he do that?
“I understand.” She stepped back. Smoothing her hair and squaring her shoulders, she looked at him with her large eyes peppered with bone-deep pain.
Guilt washed over him. “Okay.” Even to his own ears he didn’t sound enthusiastic.
* * *
Relief filled Lucy. Having Ryan with her when she faced Alexis would help strengthen her. The shame formed a lump in her stomach, making her want to double over in pain. Admitting to Ryan her feelings about Emily had been difficult enough, but to have to confess her pathetic feelings of jealousy had been far worse.
How could she explain to Alexis she was envious of her? Her own sister? That it hurt to be around her and her family. She wanted to be a part of that unit but she wasn’t. That she had seen her sister’s resentment. If you really loved someone, you shouldn’t be jealous of them. You should want the best for them. Be happy for them, but...
Lucy wrapped her arms around Ryan’s neck and hugged him. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” This was one thing she didn’t want to do alone.
He gave her a quick kiss. “You’re welcome, honey.” He sounded sincere but there was still an unsure look in his eyes. “So when do we see them?”
“They’re staying in an apartment near Times Square. Sam’s company keeps it for employee travel. Alexis wanted to come here but I told her it was too small and they didn’t need to be hauling Emily up three flights. They want me to come to dinner this evening.”
“Okay. You call and let your sister know that you’re coming and make sure it’s all right for me to come along.”
“I’m really sorry I’ve dumped my personal problems on you.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. We’ll get through this.”
A stricken look crossed his face for a second but soon changed to a gentle smile. He’d said we. Was she asking too much of him? Was this too personal, too involved for him?
Ryan held her hand while she spoke to her sister. Afterwards, his hands went to her shoulders. He turned her round and nudged her towards the bathroom. “Now go and get yourself together.”
Ryan’s deep voice speaking to a person at the St. Regis was the last thing she heard before stepping under the shower. Through still unsure how she’d handle seeing Emily or Alexis again, she felt reassured that Ryan would be there with her. Twenty minutes later she came out of the bathroom dressed in a robe with her wet hair twisted in a towel on top of her head.
Ryan sat on her small sofa, making it look very inadequate for his large size. One ankle was propped on the other knee. He’d removed his jacket, leaving it hung over the top of a chair at the table. Amazingly, he seemed right at home in the small apartment.
He had the phone to his ear. From the questions he was asking, he was speaking to someone at the hospital. His dedication to his job was one of the many facets of his personality she admired. Caring for his patients was his top priority. That compassion extended to her.
Looking up, he gave her a smile of encouragement. She made an effort to return it but she didn’t think she pulled it off when his brows dipped in concern. The self-conscious feeling when he watched her intensified while she gathered her underwear. She wasn’t used to that kind of scrutiny from anybody, particularly from a devastatingly sexy man.
She stepped into her tiny closet and pushed clothes around on the