settled onto his chest.
One that made breathing difficult, much less saying anything as he took to the stage.
He went through the motions, had the cast bowing at the appropriate times, the crowd applauding, and the cast applauding the Senior Citizen Center. But he couldn’t keep his mind on what he was doing, no matter how much he tried.
Just her. Just McKenzie.
Not Shelby.
How could he have said Just McKenzie?
How could he feel that?
He owed Shelby his dedication, his life, because he’d taken hers.
Then it was time for Lance to thank everyone for attending and for their donations to Celebration Graduation.
Only when he went to thank them did more words spill out than he’d meant to say. Words he’d never spoken out loud. Not ever.
“I’ve had people ask me in the past why I’m so passionate about Celebration Graduation,” he began, staring out into the audience without really seeing anyone. “Most of the time I come up with an answer about how I believe in the cause and want to do my part. The truth goes much deeper than that. The truth is that I’m the reason programs such as Celebration Graduation need to exist. At the end of my junior year my girlfriend, who’d just graduated from high school, was killed in a car crash because I made the bad decision to drive while under the influence of alcohol. I lost control of the car and hit a tree. We were both airlifted to a trauma hospital. She died later that night.”
McKenzie covered her mouth with her hand.
Oh, God. She should have known, should have figured out the truth behind Shelby’s death. Only how could she have?
“So the truth is that my passion about Celebration Graduation, which gives teenagers an alternative to how they spend their graduation night, comes from my own past mistakes. I lived through what I hope to prevent from ever happening again.” Lance’s voice broke and for a moment McKenzie didn’t think he was going to be able to say more, but then he continued.
“Through Celebration Graduation I hope to keep Shelby’s memory alive, to make her life, her death matter, for her to make a difference in others’ lives because she was a very special person and would have done great things in the world had she gotten the chance.”
Tears ran down McKenzie’s face. Dear Lord, she was devastated by the pain inside him. By the guilt inside him. She could hear it wrenched from him. He had loved Shelby.
He did love Shelby.
Lance’s heart belonged to another. Irrevocably.
“Thank you for being here today, for helping me keep Shelby alive in my heart, and for making a difference in our youth’s lives through this wonderful program.”
At first there was a moment of silence, as if the audience wasn’t sure whether to applaud or just sit there, then a single person clapped, then the room burst into applause.
McKenzie watched Lance say something to Lanette. She nodded, and he disappeared off the opposite side of the stage.
McKenzie waited at the side of the stage, but Lance didn’t reappear. After they’d mingled with the crowd, the other performers returned.
“He told me to tell you he was sorry but that he had to leave,” Lanette told her in a low voice so the others couldn’t hear.
“He left?” McKenzie’s heart pounded. He’d left. How could he do that, knowing she was backstage? Knowing she’d come to fight for him?
But she knew.
She recognized exactly what he’d done, because it was something she excelled at.
He’d run.
LANCE KNELT BESIDE the grave, thinking himself crazy for being at a cemetery at this time of night. The show hadn’t ended until after nine, and by the time he’d realized where he’d been headed it had been almost eleven.
He hadn’t consciously decided to go to Shelby’s grave, but it’s where his car had taken him. Maybe it was where he needed to go to put things into proper perspective.
Because for a few minutes he’d allowed himself to look into McKenzie’s eyes while she’d sung to him and he’d acknowledged the truth.
He was in love with her.
Right or wrong, he loved her.
And she loved him. Perhaps he’d always known she felt that way, had seen the truth in her eyes when she’d looked at him, had felt the truth in her touch, in her kiss.
She looked at him the way her mother looked at Yves. The way his mother looked at his father. The way his grandmother looked at his grandfather.
Tonight, while she’d sung to him, McKenzie had looked at him with her heart shining through every word.
In the past she’d fought that feeling, had been determined not to allow herself to be hurt by making the mistakes her parents had made. Tonight she’d put everything on the line and he’d felt exhilarated to realize she was there for him, that she loved him and wanted him.
Then reality had set in.
He wasn’t free to accept her love, to return her love. He’d vowed his love to another he owed everything to.
And he’d resented his vow. He’d resented Shelby.
The guilt of that resentment sickened him.
“Forgive me, Shelby. Forgive me for that night. Forgive me for not keeping you safe,” he pleaded over the grave, much as he had many times in the past.
“Forgive me for still being here when you’re not.”
Wasn’t that the crux of the matter?
He’d lived and Shelby hadn’t.
How many times had he wished he could give his life for hers?
Standing at this very graveside, he’d vowed that his heart would always belong to her, that he’d never love another, never marry another. Even at seventeen he hadn’t been so naive as to think he’d spend his life alone, so he had dated over the years, had been in relationships, but not once had he ever been tempted to sway from his promise to Shelby.
Until tonight.
Until McKenzie.
With McKenzie everything had changed.
With McKenzie he wanted everything.
Because he really did want McKenzie.
“Forgive me, Shelby. Forgive me for the way I feel about McKenzie. You’d like her, you know. She’s a lot like what you might have been at her age. She loves to run, just as you did. And she’s a doctor, just as you always planned to be. And I love her, just as I planned to always love you.”
Guilt ripped through him.
He swiped at moisture on his face.
This was crazy. Why was he here? Then again, he felt crazy. He’d told everyone at the Senior Citizen Center his most guarded secret. He’d told them he’d essentially murdered Shelby.
The authorities hadn’t seen it that way. Neither had Shelby’s parents or his own family. She’d been eighteen to his seventeen. She’d been caught drinking in the past, he’d been a stupid kid trying to fit in with her older friends, but he knew that he shouldn’t have been drinking or driving.
Memories of that night assailed him. For years he’d blocked them