down here those decisions can get people killed. Get you hurt.”
“What’re you trying to say?”
“That in your fight for freedom you can be reckless. Can get people hurt. Get yourself hurt. Sometimes you need to think before you act. You go all in, heart leading. No wonder your father feels the need to shelter you.”
If she didn’t feel so awful she’d climb out of the bed and stomp her foot. “That’s not fair.”
Two men that looked like orderlies entered with a squeaking gurney. She and Chance said no more as the men settled her on it. They wheeled her from the room and down the hall. Chance walked at her feet.
As they lifted her into the ambulance Chance said, “It’s for your own good.”
Her gaze remained locked with his as the attendants pushed the doors together. “I don’t need you to protect me, I need you to love me.”
The doors clicked closed. Ellen held a sob threatening to escape.
The nurse that was riding with her patted her shoulder. “The doctor must care a great deal to sit by your bed for two days and nights.”
If only he would admit it.
CHANCE HAD BEEN miserable before. But never on this level. He missed Ellen with a vengeance. Everything that happened at the clinic reminded him of her. Each child they saw he imagined Ellen teasing a smile out of him or her. Anytime an unusual case came in he wanted to discuss it with her.
The nights were the worst. He wanted Ellen in his arms. All he had to do was look at his hammock on his porch and think of those moments they had spent there. Taking a shower became something to dread instead of something to look forward to at the end of a long hot day. It reminded him too much of standing in the falls with Ellen.
How had she managed to fill all the cracks in his life to the point he almost needed her to breathe?
His staff had taken to not asking him anything unless it was medically related. He’d given the bare minimum of information about Ellen’s and his time on the run. But beyond that he didn’t want to talk about the fear, guilt and relief he’d suffered through over the three days they had been in the jungle and, worse, those when she had been so sick. He certainly didn’t want to discuss those intense life-changing moments when he and Ellen had made love.
Love. That had been such an elusive emotion in his life he would have sworn he had no idea what it was. Then in had waltzed Dr. Ellen Cox. Bright smile, infallible attitude, and fortitude that could withstand the worst situation. And it had. He needed someone in his life like that, but did she need someone in hers like him?
A guy who felt he had nothing to offer her. One who chose to work in a developing country. A dangerous one. With Ellen’s background, would she really be content to live and work here with him? She had seemed to love it when she was here as much as he did. Would she feel the same way after she fully recovered?
Anticipation and insecurity hit him at the same time. He’d given up on having a wife, really caring for someone, long ago. But Ellen had him thinking Can I? again.
She deserved someone who could sustain an ongoing relationship. He’d not ever managed to do so. Was it possible for him? History said no. Could he learn? The real question was that if he wanted Ellen, was he willing to try?
She’d been disappointed in him when she’d found out he had a sister that he didn’t stay in contact with. Maybe he should start there. Would Abigail be interested in seeing him? Could they be a family after all these years? Did they even have anything in common outside being from the same dysfunctional family? Every fiber in his being said Ellen would be pleased to know he’d tried. That alone was enough reason to make an effort. But something deep inside him was screaming for him to do it for himself as well. See if he could handle a relationship.
Ellen wiped her cheek and declared she’d shed her last tear over Chance Freeman. She’d not heard anything from him in the six weeks since she had been home. Not a word.
She was cycling though the steps of grief and she was firmly on anger. As far as she was concerned, she could stay on that emotion for a long time. If she saw him now it might be dangerous for him.
Michael had called and invited her out to lunch the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She had been tickled to see him. He’d filled her in on what had been going on with the clinic and had told her a few funny stories about the patients but that was about it. She was hungry for information about Chance but the only thing Michael had said was that he would be home during the Christmas holidays.
How could Chance act this way after what they had shared in the jungle? After she had exposed her heart? Had she misjudged the type of person Chance was? Keeping the resentment at bay was difficult. Even when her mother had died she hadn’t felt this abandoned. She hadn’t had a choice. Chance did. If anyone should know how she was feeling it should be him. So why didn’t he care enough to do something about it?
When he did come to the States, would he call her? Ask to see her? How could a man be so smart yet so dense? She clenched her teeth, almost as angry with herself for caring as she was with Chance.
That went for her father as well. He’d been harping on at her for weeks to take a job at the big teaching hospital in the city. He’d even had one of his buddies call and put in a good word for her. Today was the day that they had the talk that was long overdue.
She had given her apartment up when she’d left for Honduras so her father had insisted that she stay with him until she figured out what she was going to do next. That wasn’t a question. She already knew what she was going to do. Return to Honduras, and if not there then someplace that really needed her.
Her father had had a fit when she had announced the week before that she was on the schedule at the clinic where she had worked in the city. The conversation had gone something like, you could have been killed, you are lucky to be alive, you should be grateful, you need to think about what you are doing. She didn’t expect today’s discussion to go much better but what she had to say needed to be said.
Chance had accused her of being reckless. She’d never thought of herself that way. Her father had put her in a box of protection that she had wanted to get out of but which had made her take chances. When her mother had died she’d learned at a young age that life was short, but had she really become irresponsible with her decisions?
The last thing she wanted to do was put anyone in danger. She knew from her and her mother’s accident that poor decisions could cause horrible outcomes. Did she get so caught up in what she wanted that she didn’t think about others? Had she been reckless where Chance was concerned?
She’d made reservations at her and her father’s favorite café and arrived early enough that she had gotten them a table in the back. Despite the hustle and bustle of Christmas shoppers stopping for a break, they would have a quiet place to talk.
“How’re you feeling?” her father asked, after he’d kissed her and taken his seat.
He was a large, burly man who looked out of place in a suit despite having worn one most of his life. Ellen liked nothing better than being pulled into one of his bear hugs. They had never had a real disagreement until she had informed him she was going to Honduras. She had not left on good terms and had returned to him telling her he’d told her so. Today’s conversation wouldn’t be an easy one.
“Much better. I’m not having to sit down as often at work as I did the first few days.”
“You went through some ordeal.