didn’t need to reciprocate her feelings, but she had to tell him.
“Lucy.”
Noah called her name and Lucy stepped into the hall. She went to the end where her room was and found him sitting on the edge of the bed. He’d put on his jeans, leaving them unfastened, and wore nothing else.
“What are you doing in here?” she asked, standing in the doorway.
He met her gaze from across the room. “You never bring me in here.”
Lucy gripped the door frame and swallowed. What could she say? She’d never had another man in her bedroom other than her husband. After he’d passed, she’d sold their bedroom furniture and replaced it. She simply hadn’t been able to sleep in the same bed they’d shared, not when she was alone.
“Lucy.” Noah came to his feet. “I get loss. Believe me, it’s hell at times. But you show me all these ways you’re ready to move on, and yet we’ve never made love on your bed.”
Noah kept his distance, but the pain in his eyes staring back at her might as well be a knife twisting in her heart.
Made love.
The fact he used that term had Lucy wanting to step forward, but…she couldn’t.
“As long as you keep me from this room, can you keep your past and your present in separate compartments in your heart?” he went on, hurt lacing his voice. “You wanted me to take a chance. I did take a chance, but if you’re keeping me at a distance, we can’t move forward.”
Lucy let go of the door and stepped inside. “I’m not keeping you at a distance,” she defended. “I’ve slept with you, Noah. I haven’t let another man get that close to me in two years.”
Noah ran a hand down his face and glanced up to the ceiling as he blew out a breath. “You trust me with your body,” he told her as he brought his dark eyes back to hers. “You look at me like you want more and I can’t deny that I’m starting to want more. That scares the hell out of me, because if you can’t trust me in here,” he said, holding his arms wide to encompass the bedroom, “then you can’t trust me to form a relationship.”
Tears pricked her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her midsection. The hurt seeping inside her had her shaking her head in denial.
“I do trust you,” she cried. “You know I’ve never been this open with anyone.”
Noah nodded. “I do know that,” he agreed, his tone soft, heartbreaking. “I also know as long as that picture stays by your bed, nobody else will be allowed in this room, much less in your heart.”
Lucy wanted to say something, to defend herself, but he was right. She honestly hadn’t pushed too far into her feelings before now to see that she was indeed clinging to just a fraction of what her life was in an attempt to stay afloat emotionally.
“You’ve been too busy working on other people,” he added. “Maybe you need to start taking care of yourself.”
“I take care of myself.”
Even to her own ears, the argument sounded feeble.
Noah stepped toward her, gripped her shoulders and forced her to tip her head back to look at him. “No, you haven’t. I care for you, Lucy. I care more than I wanted to. You made me want things I never thought I would want again.”
Lucy’s heart clenched. “Why does this sound like the end?”
“We can’t move forward,” he stated, framing her face with his hands. “You may want to, but are you ready for me to sleep in here? Are you ready to take this public and try a real relationship?”
She was…wasn’t she?
“Wait, you were the one who wanted to keep this discreet,” she countered. “Why are you asking me?”
“Because you haven’t dated in two years. Because you won’t get in that bed with me.” He kissed her softly, quickly. “And because I’m more ready than you are and I didn’t think that was possible.”
He let her go and took a step back. “When you’re ready, let me know.”
Noah maneuvered around her, leaving her to stare at the perfectly made bed and the photo on her nightstand. She was so happy in that picture. She’d had it all once—so had Noah. She’d had hopes and dreams, until they were all taken away from her.
Lucy crossed the room and sank down on the edge of the bed. She gripped the post and rested her head against it as she heard Noah in the other room. Moments later she heard her back door open and close. That final click resounded through the house. Lucy closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip, trying to keep the tears at bay.
One teardrop trailed down her cheek and she didn’t even bother to swipe it away. She’d been ready for Noah to come into her life; she’d been pulling him in from day one. And all this time that she’d been trying to heal him, she hadn’t recognized that she wasn’t fully complete herself.
She picked up the pewter frame she’d gotten for her wedding. Evan’s wide grin beamed back at her and she knew without a doubt that he would want her to put closure on her past.
Lucy’s heart literally ached as she finally let the tears flow. She’d loved Evan with her whole heart. She would always love him, but she was going to have to let him go if she wanted her life back.
And Lucy was afraid she’d let the happiest part of her present life walk out the door.
“This isn’t a sight I thought I’d see.”
Noah sat on the stool next to Sam as Gray handed over two bottles of a local brew.
“I didn’t plan on being here tonight,” Noah confessed. “Emma is at a sleepover, though, so I don’t have much else to do.”
That was a total lie. He’d planned on staying in Lucy’s bed all night. He’d planned on getting to know her more, opening up and explaining how much his feelings had grown. She’d shown him how it was to move on, to help others through grief. Lucy was fabulous with Emma, she was giving to him, and she was so damn sexy he ached knowing he’d never have her again.
Noah had been gone for an hour and he was already wondering if he’d made a colossal mistake. Should he have stayed and talked this out? Maybe, but knowing she didn’t want him in her bed, rather than some guest bed, was hurtful. He wasn’t a guest, damn it. Or maybe he was, but he thought they were so much more.
“Problems with Lucy?” Sam asked, still staring at his bottle.
“We’re just friends.”
A friend he could still taste on his lips. A friend who had worked her way into his heart, into his daughter’s heart.
“Is that so?” Gray asked with a cocky side grin. “She just walked in with Tara and Kate.”
Noah jerked his head over his shoulder, and Gray’s laughter mocked him. Lucy was nowhere in sight, and neither were her friends.
“That’s what I thought,” Gray said, leaning over and resting his forearms on the bar. “So what’s the deal?”
Noah turned back on his stool and reached for his beer. He took a hearty drink, welcoming the wheat flavor and the spices on the back end.
“We attempted more, but that didn’t work out,” he admitted. “That’s all.”
“That’s all.” Sam let out a low laugh. “Nothing with women is ever that simple. Even after a year apart, Tara and I still aren’t simple and, according to the courts, we should be because it’s over.”
Noah had honestly never seen a man so devastated.