regrets about coming to Sydney. I’m going to make the most of my time here.’ She looked up at Seb and he wondered if spending time with him qualified as making the most of things. He hoped so. ‘I jumped at the chance to come to Sydney. Well, not so much jumped, Flick pushed me, but now that I’m here it seems like it was a really good decision.’
She rolled over onto her stomach and Seb struggled to keep his eyes off her very shapely behind.
‘You have no idea how nice it is to just relax and do my own thing, without everyone telling me what they think is best for me. I’m old enough to work that out for myself.’
He did have some idea what it was like to have everyone interfering in his life in what they thought was a helpful way. That’s why he loved having the boat. It had been his escape route and he was convinced it had saved his sanity. He’d been able to disappear and avoid talking to anyone.
Luci might profess that she had chosen to take Flick’s advice to study interstate but he still thought a large part of her motivation stemmed from having a reason, an excuse, to leave. He still thought she was running away. She might deny it but he recognised the signs. He had seen those same signs in himself. He knew exactly what it was like—he’d been running for three years. He recognised the need to get away from all the people who knew you and your past and your story.
But even though he thought Luci was running away from Vickers Hill he knew he was in no position to judge her for it. He’d shut himself off from the world completely. At least she was still living.
He knew that was the difference between them. For the past three years he hadn’t been living. He hadn’t thought he was allowed to enjoy life. It hadn’t felt right but was it okay? Was it allowed? Did he have to continue to ignore the world?
Possibly. It was the only way to ensure it didn’t hurt him again.
But he knew it was going to be hard to ignore Luci.
‘And what is it you should be doing?’ he asked, continuing the conversation she had started.
‘I don’t know yet.’ She laughed. ‘That’s a little ironic, isn’t it, but it’s early days still. I’ll figure it out. On my own. My life is different from how I pictured it. I just have to figure out what I want it to be like from now on. And one benefit of being divorced is that I can figure it out for myself. It’s up to me.
‘What did you think your life would be like?’
She shrugged and averted her eyes. ‘Married with kids.’
He supposed that was quite different from being divorced with no kids. ‘Your husband didn’t want kids?’ he asked. Maybe that was why they’d got divorced.
‘No, he did. We both did.’ Luci was restless. She rolled back over so she was sitting up now. ‘But he decided he didn’t want them with me.’ She stood up and dropped her hat and sunglasses onto her towel. ‘I think I might go for a swim.’
It was clear she wanted to avoid this particular conversation. There was obviously more to the story but he wasn’t going to push her. It was none of his business. He would listen if she wanted to talk but from what she had already said she was tired of interference. He decided he would just let her be but he wondered about her ex-husband. What sort of man was he? Luci had told him they had been together for almost ten years. What sort of man took that long to decide that he didn’t want to be with someone? What sort of man married a girl like Luci and talked about raising a family together, only to leave her right when they should have been starting that future?
Seb felt a sudden surge of anger towards Luci’s ex. He wasn’t normally a violent man but he could see the hurt in her eyes and hear it in her voice and something within him made him wish he could fix it. But that reaction was out of character for him. He expected other people to leave him alone, not to interfere in his life, and he had learnt to do the same. But he wanted to help her and had no idea what to do.
He suspected she was not over the divorce and not over the loss of her dreams for the future but he had no idea what she needed. He could almost feel steam coming out of his ears and knew he needed to cool down. Calm down.
Luci was treading water a few metres from the boat, looking towards the shore. He dived in after her. He would keep quiet. He was good at that, it was easy not to speak about his thoughts and feelings or anything emotional. He floated on his back and waited to see what Luci would do. After a few minutes she drifted over to him.
‘If you weren’t messing about in boats when you were growing up, what did you do on weekends?’ he asked.
‘Chased the boys,’ she replied.
Her mood had shifted, she was happy again. He thought that by nature she was a sunny person and that drew him to her even more. She balanced out his sombre side. He hadn’t always been dark but the events of three years ago made him more reserved, less carefree and more sceptical about the good things in life.
‘I thought the boys would have been chasing you.’
‘There wasn’t much chasing going on, if I’m honest. The girls played netball in winter and tennis in summer. The boys played footy and cricket. Our parents tried to keep us busy. We’d ride around town on our bikes and during harvest we’d often lend a hand if we had friends who had vineyards or farms. There was plenty to keep us out of trouble.’
Her stomach rumbled.
‘Time for lunch?’
She nodded. ‘Swimming always makes me hungry.’
Sex always made him hungry and Luci made him think of sex. Therefore he was hungry too but he didn’t mention that.
Luci was looking back at the boat. ‘I didn’t think that through when I went for a swim.’
‘What?’
‘How I was going to get back on.’
‘Swim to the back, and I’ll help you up the ladder.’ The ladder was short but it required substantial upper-body strength to haul yourself out of the water. ‘I’ll go first and give you a hand.’
They swam side by side and when they reached the boat Seb stretched up for the top rung of the ladder and pulled himself up onto the deck.
‘Reach up and give me your hand.’ He leaned down and grasped her hand in his. ‘Grab the ladder with your other hand,’ he said as he pulled her up into the boat and into his arms. Luci might not have thought about the logistics of getting back on the boat but Seb hadn’t thought about the logistics of helping her. There wasn’t much room at the back, just the small ledge. His back was to the gate and to open it he had to turn round and let her go. He didn’t want to do that. They were squashed into a space less than a metre square. Her body was soft against his, slick with water. Her skin was cool and he could feel her heart beating in her chest, beating against his.
She looked up at him.
They stared at each other in silence until he could stand it no longer.
He didn’t stop to think about what he was doing. He couldn’t think. All he could do was see and smell and feel.
He saw her blue-grey eyes looking at him, the freckles dusted across the bridge of her nose, the tip of it turning red with the sun. Saw the pink rosebud of her lips and wanted to taste her.
He couldn’t ignore her and he couldn’t resist. He bent his head, making his intention clear, waiting for her to tell him to stop. But she remained quiet. He couldn’t hear the sound of the ocean or the other bathers. All he could hear was the sound of their breathing, heavy in the stillness. He could see her eyes watching his and then they flicked down to his lips. He knew she understood his intention but she didn’t protest and that was all the invitation Seb needed.
HE