over her head in neon lights. But he was just raising a brow, waiting for an answer. Oblivious.
Her mind whirling with this new and fragile knowledge, she whispered, ‘I told you...it’s been a while.’
‘What’s “a while”?’
Serena stared at him, wanting him to let it go. ‘Years—okay? A long time.’
Something in his eyes flashed. ‘You haven’t had any lovers since you left Italy?’
She shook her head, avoiding his eye again, and said tightly, ‘No—and not for a while before that.’
God, this was excruciating!
‘The truth is I’ve never really enjoyed sex. My reputation for promiscuity and sexual prowess was largely based on the stories of men who’d been turned down. I’m afraid I’m not half as debauched as you might think...a lot of talk and not a lot of action.’
Luca was quiet for a long time, and then he said, ‘I could tell you weren’t that experienced. But you were touted as one of Europe’s most licentious socialites and you didn’t do much to defend yourself.’
She sent him a dark glance. ‘As if anyone would have believed me.’ She looked out over the view and felt somehow removed, suspended in space. ‘Do you know how I learned to French kiss?’
She could sense Luca going still. ‘How?’
Serena smiled but it was bitter, hard. ‘One of my father’s friends. At a party. He came into my room.’
She let out a shocked gasp when Luca grabbed her shoulders and pulled her around to face him. His face was stark, pale. His reaction took her aback.
‘Did he touch you? Did he—?’
Serena shook her head quickly. ‘No. No. My sister Siena was there...we shared a room. She woke up and got into bed beside me and the man left. After that we made sure to lock our door every night.’
Luca’s hands were still gripping her shoulders. ‘Deus...Serena.’
He let her go and ran a hand through his hair, looking at her as if she was a stranger. On some deep level Serena welcomed it. The other thing was too scary. Luca looking at her with something approximating gentleness...
She saw a lounger nearby and went over and sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest. Luca stood with his back to the railing, hands in his pockets. Tense.
As if the words were being wrung out of him, he finally said, ‘It’s not adding up. You’re not adding up.’
‘What’s not adding up?’ Serena asked quietly, her heart palpitating at Luca’s intent look.
‘You’ve had nothing but opportunities to be difficult since you got here and you haven’t been. No one can act that well. A child who is medicated for being difficult, wilful...who grows into a wild teenager hell-bent on causing controversy wherever she goes...that’s not you.’
Serena’s heart beat fast. She felt light-headed. Faintly she said, ‘It was me.’
Luca was grim. ‘Was? No one changes that easily, or that swiftly.’
He came over and pulled a chair close, sat down. Serena knew her eyes had gone wide. She felt as if she were standing on the edge of a precipice, teetering, about to fall.
‘I want to know, Serena... Why were you put on medication so young?’
‘I told you...after my mother died—’
Luca shook his head. ‘There has to be more to it than that.’
Serena just looked at him. No one had ever been interested in knowing her secrets before. In rehab the professionals had been paid to delve deep, and she’d let them in the interests of getting better.
Luca was pushing her and pushing her—and for what? As if he’d welcome her darkest secrets...
The desire to be vulnerable and allow herself to confide in him in a way she’d never done before made her scared. It was too much, coming on the heels of what had just happened. Realising she was falling in love with him when he was only interested in bedding her. She’d been at pains to let Luca know that this was the real her, and yet she knew well it wasn’t. There was a lot more to her. And she couldn’t let it out. She felt too fragile.
Acting on a blind instinct to protect herself, Serena stood up abruptly, making Luca tip his head back.
Coldly she said, ‘There’s nothing more to it—and I thought men didn’t like post-coital post-mortems. If we’re done here for the evening I’d like to go to bed. I’m tired.’
She went to walk around Luca, her heart hammering, but he grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. He stood up slowly, eyes narrowed on her.
‘What the hell...? If we’re done here for the evening? What’s that supposed to mean?’
Serena shrugged and tried to affect as bored a demeanour as possible. ‘We’ve been to the function, we’ve slept together...’ She forced herself to look at him and mocked, ‘What more do you want? For me to tuck you in and read you a story?’
Luca’s face flushed. He let her wrist go as if it burnt him. He seemed to increase in size in front of her, but instead of intimidating her it only made her more aware of him. He bristled.
‘No, sweetheart, I don’t want you to tuck me in and read me a story. I want you in my bed at my convenience for as long as I want you.’
He was hard and cruel. And more remote than she could remember ever seeing him. Something inside her curled up tight. But still that instinct to drive him away from seeing too much made her say nonchalantly, ‘Well, if it’s all the same to you, I’d appreciate spending the rest of the night on my own.’
Liar, her body whispered. Even now between her legs she was getting damp with the desire to feel him surge deep inside her.
So that she could shut down all over again? More humiliation? No, she was doing the right thing.
He came close...close enough to make sweat break out over Serena’s skin... If he touched her he’d know how false she was being.
But he stopped just inches away and said, ‘We both know that I could have you flat on your back and begging me for release in minutes...a release that you will give me next time, Serena.’
He stepped back and Serena felt disorientated. He thought she’d wilfully kept herself from being pleasured just to thwart him in some way?
He swept her up and down with a scathing glance. ‘But right now I find that my desire has waned.’
He turned and strode back into the apartment and Serena started to shake in reaction. Everything in her wanted to call out to him.
But wasn’t this what she wanted? To push him back? The shackles of her past had never felt so burdensome as they did right then. She recognised that they were protecting her, but also imprisoning her.
She could imagine Luca getting changed, walking out through the door, and her gut seized in rejection. Luca was the only person she’d come close to telling everything. She could remember the look on his face just before she’d turned cold. He’d been concerned. Until she’d convinced him that she had nothing to say except that she wanted him to leave.
And why wouldn’t he leave? He was proud enough to take her at face value. She knew how quickly he damned people—after all he’d damned her for long enough... But that had been changing.
A sense of urgency gripped her—so what if he did just want her in his bed? Suddenly Serena knew that in spite of how terrified it made her feel, she desperately wanted to lean on Luca’s inherent strength and face these last demons that haunted her still. She was sick of letting her past define her, of being afraid to get too close to anyone in