I only really watched his shows because you were working on them, you know.’ Elizabeth’s mother seemed very happy to dump Ricky now that he was dead. ‘He wasn’t really my cup of tea. You know, a bit shouty and well, a bit crude sometimes.’
There had been many versions of this conversation before. Elizabeth sighed. ‘Yes. He wouldn’t have been right for Countryfile. Mum, I’ve got to go – I’ll call you later.’
‘But listen, your sister’s coming down to Frinton tomorrow for the weekend with the boys because Mark’s away. Why don’t you come too? I don’t like to think of you there, alone.’
Elizabeth very much wanted the comfort of home – even her mum’s neat seaside bungalow, with its limited provision of alcohol and pervasive smell of potpourri, and she longed to see Vic. Her sister was a successful divorce lawyer and had built a thriving practice in Manchester redistributing the wealth of Premier League footballers. Their chances to get together for boozy confessions had been much curtailed by Vic’s move up north. It would be good to see her – she had a lot to tell her.
‘I don’t know, I’ll see what the police say… Maybe I’ll come.’
‘Yes, do. And darling, can I tell Maggie? And Judy? I mean, it’ll be all over the news, won’t it?’
Elizabeth could only imagine how distracting this latest piece of information would be to the Zumba class in Frinton-on-Sea. It would surely trump the story of her wedding that wasn’t.
She showered and let the hot water run over her face, streaming down her strained neck, and wondered what not to wear for a meeting with the Metropolitan Police. A pile of discarded clothing in the middle of her bedroom floor included PVC trousers, a pinstripe trouser suit from Kate Moss at Topshop that looked nice and boyish but had a wine stain on the jacket, and a summer dress from Zara that in sunlight was entirely see-through and always made her think of that photograph of Lady Di, standing coyly in the sunshine holding the hands of some toddlers. Maybe too demure? She rather suspected that the penetrating gaze of DI Watson would see through it all.
Elizabeth picked up the pinstripe jacket and stared at it. She remembered where the wine stain came from. A few weeks ago Ricky had invited her as his plus one (she was, after all, technically single) to an exhibition in a private gallery of the animal sculptor David Farrer. After swigging Chablis straight from the bottle, Ricky had bought a life-size papier-mâché head of a white cockerel, for which he paid over the odds on the basis that the gallery would let him take it home right there and then. Between them, they’d carried the cock’s head – and the wine – home to his house in Kensington, stumbling drunk along the streets with Ricky crying to anyone who would listen, ‘I’ve got an enormous cock!’ The next morning she woke as usual to four texts from him, alluding in various ways to his purchase (‘Isn’t it awfully good to have a cock?’ and ‘I’m going to call him Percy’), but the final text said that he’d been disturbed at an unearthly hour by some crowing and so he’d got up and thrown the papier-mâché head into his neighbour’s skip. The texts had made Elizabeth laugh but in the cold light of day she found herself feeling sick and unhappy about his cavalier waste of fine art and money.
Elizabeth sat very still, clutching the jacket, fighting back tears. She thought her memories might drive her mad. She wished she wasn’t alone; she wanted someone to make it go away. She wondered why Hutch still hadn’t called and reached for her phone to check. There was a text, but it was from Matthew and it warned her that all news outlets were about to run the story. By the time she’d settled on a subdued navy blue skirt and a crisp white blouse, she was ready for the 8 o’clock headlines:
News just in of the sudden death of television and radio personality Ricky Clough. It’s thought that he collapsed last night in the studio where he was recording his chat show, and that paramedics were unable to save him. No details have been released as to the cause of death but it is reported that police were also called to the studio premises. We’ll bring you more news on this as it comes in.
Her phone buzzed.
‘Elizabeth.’ Hutch’s voice was early-morning deep and gravelly. ‘Really? He died during the show? Well! Not for the first time, eh?’
Elizabeth wondered if this was what she’d been avoiding: Hutch’s need to say the unsayable. The very thing that attracted her to him in the first place was now the very last thing she wanted to hear. She also realised it was a time of day they rarely spoke. But nothing was usual, today. ‘I’m not up to it, Hutch. Not now. Honestly. It was horrible.’
His voice was softer. ‘Yeah, I bet it was. Poor you. Poor Miss Clumsy. Did you have to take charge?’
‘Yes. Matthew turned up – after it was all over. I tried to do what I could, but you know, the drill, first aid – those things just go out of your head when it’s really happening. He seemed so out of it, almost immediately. I’ve got to go to the police station this morning. But Hutch, none of us saw it coming! I mean, he didn’t seem ill or pissed – not at all! If anything, he was more relaxed. It was just like the old times. We’d got Paolo Culone on – remember, I told you I’d booked him for the show after you and I went to his restaurant? And Ricky was firing on all cylinders, taking him down for his overly poncey food – the stuff he used to do in the past, that everyone loved. It was all going well… until…’ Elizabeth’s voice wobbled dangerously.
‘So it was a heart attack?’
She thought again of Ricky’s bloodshot eyes and violently contorting body. Was that what had happened to her dear dad? A half moan escaped her. ‘I guess it must have been. Oh God, Hutch, I don’t even know how old he was! I mean, officially.’
‘He was fifty-two.’ His voice was flat, certain. He seemed unaware of her distress. ‘He’s exactly ten years older than me. We’re both Aries. And that’s where the similarities end.’ She could hear him yawning. ‘Or should I say, ended.’
‘Hutch! Please.’ Elizabeth refrained from saying that a cruel wit was at least one other striking similarity between the two of them. She was struck by the fact that he was yawning, stretching, drinking coffee – as if waking up to a normal day. All the ordinary morning things she’d never seen him do. ‘Hutch, Ricky knew about the pilot! He knew we were trying out a new show with you. I was so worried about him finding out – but he already knew. So it’s even more extraordinary that he should be so fine in the studio yesterday.’
‘Really? Who told him?’ Hutch’s voice had a sudden sharpness, a hack’s nose for a source.
‘Well, Matthew did actually. The day before, at lunch, apparently.’
‘Did he indeed! That’s interesting.’ There was a pause.
‘You didn’t call or text last night.’ Elizabeth gazed at Hutch’s jumper on her bedroom chair.
‘Yeah. Sorry. I was at the match and then went out to dinner with Sue.’ Her name hung in the air. Like a stale smell.
‘Oh.’ And behind that ‘oh’ was an entire avalanche of suppressed emotions: hurt, dismay, jealousy. Resignation.
‘Are you around later? Can I buy you lunch? After you’ve been to the police station?’
Elizabeth paused, but her heart began to beat faster. She desperately wanted some arms around her. She wanted someone to be there for her. But she tried to sound as casual as he did. ‘Yes, I think I can do that. Usual place?’
‘Yes. Usual place. One o’clock. Oh, and Elizabeth? Don’t confess. Even if they waterboard you.’
Elizabeth couldn’t help herself, she smiled. He still had the ability to do that, despite everything, to make her laugh.
‘Fuck off, Hutch.’
Elizabeth took the bus