all, you wouldn’t want any other kind of boyfriend—he’s an overachiever and will be a huge success. Cream of the crop. Second, just because you have pills doesn’t mean you have to do anything that you’re not ready for. With me?”
She nodded.
“He’ll be back for leave and vacations. There will be lots of letters between you—wonderful letters.”
She nodded again but said, “E-mails.”
“Just as good. These pills are for your health and safety, Brenda. You don’t have to send him off with something to remember. Don’t be pressured.”
“Oh, I’m not. I understand what you’re saying,” she said softly. “Tom would never pressure me. Besides, I love him.”
Mel smiled. “How nice for you. He’s a very special young man. And you, my dear, are a very special young woman. You’re completely in charge of your body—always remember that.”
Nikki Jorgensen pulled up in front of the Booth ranch and gave the horn a toot before getting out. When she let herself into the house, Vanni was sitting on the floor beside the baby. Little Matt was lying on a small baby quilt with toys he was entirely too young to enjoy spread around him.
“Hurry up,” Vanni said. “He’s smiling!”
Nikki threw her purse in a chair and knelt on the floor opposite Vanni. They were so unalike—Vanni being a statuesque redhead and Nikki small and dark, her black hair falling down her back almost to her waist in a straight, silky sheath. Vanni was bold; Nikki was quiet and hated confrontation. Nikki liked to say that while she was studying the latest hairstyles in high school, Vanni, the military brat, was learning to pack a house in six hours and navigate Customs in foreign countries.
They spent a few minutes making faces at the baby until Vanni finally said, “I can’t wait to tell Paul he’s smiling for real.”
And that alone plunged them into silence. “Have you heard from Paul?” Nikki finally asked in a gentle voice.
Vanni shook her head, looking away. “Well, I call him. A couple of times every week. But he’s only called here once.”
“Oh, Vanni,” Nikki said, sympathetic.
“Never mind. He’s probably relieved he doesn’t have any obligation to the Widow Rutledge anymore…”
“I’m sure that’s not it,” Nikki said, giving Vanni’s thick, red mane a stroke.
“A couple of months ago it never occurred to me I’d have feelings for him. I mean, these kind of feelings. I thought of him as my ballast, my rock. And then slowly, he started to mean more to me than that. Since he left…I miss him so much. And not just because he was a supportive friend.”
“Who more likely for you to be attracted to than someone who misses Matt as much as you do? Who loves little Mattie as much as Matt would himself? Besides, it’s not like you just met him—he’s been around since the day you met Matt! You know him better than anyone. You certainly don’t have to wonder what kind of man he is.”
“I’m just afraid…I’m not sure I’m ready to really let go of Matt.”
Nikki laughed. “Vanni, you don’t have to let go of Matt any more than Paul does. He’ll be part of you and Paul forever.”
Vanni gave her a thankful smile, lifting a tawny brow. “That’s what I’ve been thinking lately. It’s not like it has to be a choice, does it?”
“No way, babe.”
“So, how are things with you and Craig?”
Nikki’s smile vanished. “The same. Not good. I gave him an ultimatum. Commitment or we’re over. He just keeps saying he needs time. But how much time? It’s been five years. He knows I want a family, and my clock isn’t standing still.”
Vanni shook her head, doubtful. “He’ll never give you up,” Vanni said, but truthfully, she feared Nikki would never leave him even if he didn’t give her a tenth of what she needed.
Nikki lifted her chin. “Oh, yeah? You a betting woman?”
“Nikki, do you mean it this time? Really?”
Nikki touched the baby’s foot. “I’m not going through life without at least a shot at this,” she said. “I’m selfish. I want it all. And things have been nonnegotiable with Craig on all of it.”
Paul had been back in Grants Pass for just over six weeks. He’d had that evening with Terri and had promised her he’d be in touch. When she came to him at work and asked if he could sneak away for a conversation, he figured it was about the fact that he hadn’t called as he’d promised.
But no.
He folded his long legs up into her little Toyota parked in front of his office and said, “What’s up?” Through some nervous tears, she explained that she was pregnant and hadn’t been with anyone but him.
“Pregnant?” he repeated stunned. “Pregnant?”
“Yeah,” she said. “It happened that night after you got back to town. You remember. It was a pretty intense night. You can’t have forgotten.”
“How in the world did that happen? You said you were on the pill. I wore a condom.”
“I don’t know,” she said, sniffing. “It’s probably my fault. I’m sorry.”
“Your fault?” he asked. “How?”
“I haven’t had a boyfriend in so long, I got a little sloppy with the pills, missing them sometimes. Your call—it came as a surprise. I hadn’t heard from you in such a long time and I couldn’t pass up seeing you. But you had the condom and I was sure we’d be okay…I don’t know what went wrong. It must have been me missing pills, you having a faulty condom…I can’t think of any other explanation…”
“Aw, man,” he said. He took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, getting a grip on his panic. “Okay, tell me what you need,” he said, taking her hand and holding it in both of his.
“Any possibility marriage might come to mind?”
He didn’t even have to think about it. There was someone else; there’d been someone else for a long, long time. “God, Terri, we can’t get married. What did you call us—friends with benefits? We’re consenting adults who like and respect each other and that’s a lot, but at the same time, not enough. You’re important to me, but we don’t have the kind of relationship that would get us married. Keep us married.”
“That’s a little beside the point right now,” she said.
“We don’t really know each other. Not really.”
“We know each other well enough that I’m pregnant.”
“I take this to mean you’ve decided you want to have the baby?”
“I’m almost thirty,” she said, bristling. “I’m not getting rid of it.”
“Okay, okay, good,” Paul said, relieved in spite of common sense telling him this could be taken care of; it could disappear. He did not want to be in this position, but he didn’t want this baby erased, either. “I can help financially. I can do my best to support you emotionally. I swear, I’ll stand by you. But, Terri, anything more than that would be a mistake for both of us.”
“Why?” she asked, tears springing to her eyes.
He put an arm around her and held her against his shoulder as much as he could, given the tight space in her car. “Lots of reasons, starting with, before anything happened between us, we had a conversation about us—neither of us was looking for anything serious. We’ve been together, what? Three times in a year? Four? God, I’m sorry, Terri, but the night this happened, that’s the closest we’ve ever been,