“What happened?” Costa said, eyeing me and Adrian.
Our cabin was small, but I waved everyone inside. It was standing room only once we shut the door, yet my decision affected everyone, so they all deserved to hear it.
“I have something to tell you,” I began. “I’ve—”
“What the hell?” Jaz exclaimed, grabbing my right hand. “Ivy! Your tattoo is gone!”
Costa muttered something in Greek as he stared at my hand. Adrian didn’t look away from my eyes, even when I pulled back my torn blouse to reveal that the staff tattoo was now gone, too.
“I know,” I said, forcing the words out despite my throat closing off with a surge of unexpected shame. “I’ve been thinking a lot about things since the attack yesterday, and I think...”
I stopped and dropped my eyes. Jasmine and Costa had both been terribly abused in demon realms, so my choice to bow out might come across like I was saying what happened to them didn’t matter to me anymore. Oh God. What if they hated me for this?
“Think what?” my sister asked impatiently.
Adrian slipped behind me and drew me into his arms. Those thick, warm bands and the solidness of his body soothed my sudden case of trembles.
“I’m not going after the spearhead anymore,” I said bluntly. “I’ve been kidding myself about being able to survive it long enough to save those people. I also learned that the realm walls will eventually weaken again, putting demons right back in business. So, I don’t see a point in risking everyone’s lives trying to find a weapon that’ll kill me before I can help anyone anyway—”
Jasmine threw her arms around me, cutting off the rest of my explanation. Her hug was so welcome and unexpected; I didn’t care that it was difficult to breathe between her tight frontal embrace and Adrian gripping me from behind.
“You’re not mad?” I got out, wiggling to get more room.
“Why?” She drew back, showing that her face was now wet from tears. “I never wanted you to do it in the first place! Each time you left to look for the staff or the spearhead, I’ve been terrified that you’ll never come back. It’s all I’ve been able to do to hold myself together these past few months. Good God, Ives, I have a white streak in my hair and I’m not even twenty! No, I’m not mad that you’re stopping. In fact, I’m so happy—” her voice broke “—I’m so happy I can’t even stand it.”
She dissolved into tears, and Adrian let me go so I could hold her. I stroked her hair and whispered reassurances that everything would be all right while, over her shoulder, I met Costa’s eyes. They were shiny with tears that didn’t hit his cheeks, yet his jaw was set in a hard line as he nodded at me.
I understand, that nod said. I didn’t know if he agreed like Jasmine did, but right now, his understanding was enough.
“So, your tattoos vanished after you decided to stop looking for the spearhead?” Jasmine asked with a final, teary sniff. “Guess that’s the supernatural version of having security throw you out after quitting.”
I let out a breathy laugh even though I felt more conflicted than amused. “Guess so. I saw Zach right before they disappeared, so I’m guessing he had something to do with it.”
“Zach was here?” Adrian sounded more surprised by that than by my decision to abandon my destiny.
“Yeah,” I said, giving Jasmine a last pat as I turned toward him. “He was waiting for me in the dining car after I checked on Brutus. He somehow knew what I’d decided, too. Guess he’d gotten a cosmic heads-up or something.”
Adrian’s eyes narrowed. “And he had nothing to say to you?”
I glanced away. I didn’t want to repeat what Zach had said. “Not much,” I settled on. “And it ended with ‘goodbye.’”
I could feel Adrian staring at me, measuring my words and locating the gaps between them. I tried to mentally erase the guilt, second-guessing and other emotions from my expression, but I must not have been that good at it.
“Give us a minute, guys,” Adrian said, opening the cabin door. Jasmine and Costa filed out after Jaz gave me a final hug. Adrian locked the door behind them, then turned around to face me.
I waited for him to speak, but without a word, he drew me into his arms. For several minutes, he held me, his warm, strong hands caressing away the bone-deep tension I hadn’t known was there until I finally felt it begin to loosen.
I closed my eyes as I rested my head against his chest. Oh, how I’d needed this! With every stroke of his hands, brush of his lips and tightening of his arms, Adrian was telling me that he loved me. Me, not the person other people wanted me to be, or what I was supposedly destined to be, or what I could be, if I only tried harder. Me: flaws, fears and all.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you.”
His short laugh was muffled against my neck. “For what?”
“This,” I said, drawing back to look at him. “I needed it.”
He stared at me, his eyes appearing bluer from the intensity in his gaze. “And I need you. That’s why I’m thrilled about your decision. I never thought the payoff was worth the risk.”
“It could have been,” I said, thinking about all the people still trapped in the realms. As soon as I did, that deep-seated tension returned, as did my guilt. Quickly, I tried to brush both aside. “But it’s not,” I continued, reminding myself as well as saying it to Adrian. “Zach all but confirmed that I had no chance to survive the spearhead long enough to save them.”
Adrian sighed, then rested his forehead against mine. “Don’t beat yourself up. You saved lots of other people, and you tried to save them, too. You’ve done enough, Ivy.”
I mustered up a shrug that looked far more laid-back than I felt. “The former hallowed weapons would seem to disagree. I abandoned my destiny, so they wasted no time in abandoning me.”
He pulled me back into his arms, lifting me until my feet were off the floor and our faces were level.
“Screw Zach and screw them,” he whispered fiercely. “They might have left you, but I never will.”
I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him, needing his strength, his unconditional love and acceptance, and the passion that flowed between us, covering my guilt, doubt and second-guessing. Right now, all I needed to be was me. Right now, the only thing that mattered was the two of us. In his arms, everything was finally as it should be.
“I love you, Adrian,” I told him between searing kisses. “You’re my only destiny now.”
WE ENDED UP going back to Vatican City, and not because I had fallen in love with it when we were here looking for the spearhead. The entire mini, walled city was on hallowed ground, and it had tight security due to its many famous treasures. I didn’t think it was a coincidence that Obsidiana had waited until we were away from Vatican City to send her minions to attack us, let alone come after us herself.
The added safety of the enhanced security combined with extensive hallowed ground had Jasmine visibly relaxing, and she wasn’t the only one. Adrian was as chill as I’d ever seen him, and I didn’t know if that was because of our surroundings or his relief over my decision to abandon the spearhead quest.
They weren’t the only ones basking in a newfound sense of relief. I didn’t fear the coming of night anymore, and I’d even taken to going on solo walks during the day. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone somewhere for the sheer, simple pleasure of it. Yet despite my newfound sense of security, all wasn’t entirely well.
I