towel bar, just to impress his rich lawyer buddies. “Besides a crib, what else does Bear need?”
He sounded tired, but not as upset as he had looked moments before. That was the most unusual thing of all. At least Tanya had been correct in assuming she had no idea what Nick would do next. It was nice to be right about something. “He doesn’t really—”
Nick cut her off with a wave of his hand. “Yes, he does. He’s a year old now, and I’m sure that if he needs to wake you up, he’ll throw something at you.”
Tanya took a deep breath. She didn’t want to lose her temper. Just because he wasn’t upset now didn’t mean he wouldn’t come after her later, and Nick could use an outburst to paint her as a violent woman in court. “As I was saying, he doesn’t really need a crib. He’ll be able to crawl out of that soon. A toddler bed would be better.”
Now Nick did look up at her, half a smile on his face making him look devastatingly handsome. This would be so much easier if he wasn’t the man of her dreams—physically, at least. She wished she could find him disgusting or repulsive, but no. He had to be some sort of demigod over there. Tanya refused to buckle to his good looks. She would not get hysterical, furious—or turned on. “Good point. What else does he need? I want to get him some things for his birthday.”
“We’re fine, really.” What Bear really needed was the kind of stuff that one didn’t wrap up in bright, shiny paper with a bow—quality day care, fresh fruits and vegetables, medical care. None of those things made for a fun birthday party.
“I’ll get him a car seat for my car,” Nick said, pointedly ignoring her. Tanya saw that her plan to make sure Nick never forgot her again had instantly failed. He had no interest in her. His only concern was the boy. That realization made the dread in her stomach churn at an even faster rate. “He’s beyond one of those walker things…maybe there’s a baby store in Sioux Falls? I’ll check that out this weekend.”
“You don’t have to do that.” More to the point, she didn’t want him to do that. Was he trying to buy her off? She didn’t want to be in his debt. Owing Nick would be almost the same thing as being owned by Nick. She didn’t want to become another thing he owned.
“Yes, I do. He’s my son, isn’t he?” It wasn’t a question, not really. She realized he was trying to get her to say the words out loud. She refused to give him the satisfaction. Nick let his not-question hang for a few moments before he went on, “It’s my responsibility to take care of him.”
Tanya cringed at the implied criticism. What, did he not like the job she’d been doing? Of course not. Nothing in her world was ever good enough for Nick Longhair. “You’re a little late to this party. He’s almost one.”
“Because you didn’t tell me. I’m not a psychic, you know.”
He was going to blame this on her? Fat chance. The surge of anger pushed aside the dread. It felt good. Anger was power. She might not have the money or the connections, but she still had a hell of a lot to say, and he better believe he was going to hear it. “What was I supposed to do, Nick? I called. I left messages with a snooty-sounding secretary. You never called me back. Was I just supposed to show up? Plop a baby into your lap in court? Would they have even let me in the door?”
He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. She wasn’t about to give him the chance to charm his way out of this. “No, they wouldn’t have. And you know why? Do you remember the last thing you said to me? ‘Been good seeing you, Tanya. Have a nice life, Tanya.’ And then you drove off without a look back, like I didn’t mean anything to you.”
That was what had hurt the most. The fact that Nick had finished, zipped up and walked away without even so much as a how-do-you-do. That had hurt her worse than everything else combined. A lump tried to catch in her throat, but she swallowed, forcing it back down. No way in hell she was going to cry in front of Nick. “What part of that said, ‘Call me if you get knocked up’? What part of that said, ‘Call me’ at all? I’m not dumb. I know when I’m not wanted.”
“I didn’t say that.” The words were out fast—too fast. It was nothing more than a knee-jerk denial. “In fact, if I recall correctly, I asked you to come with me. You’re the one who said no. You’re the one who talked about our ancestors and our land. I’ve got news for you—this isn’t my land or my ancestors’ land. It never was. This is the worst land in the entire country—the bone the government threw to our ancestors because no one else wanted it. Why, on God’s green earth, you want to stay here and fight for this place is beyond me, Tanya. It always was.”
He was seriously going to make this whole thing her fault? “Get your facts straight, Nick—or is that no longer a requirement of the legal profession?” He snorted, but she wasn’t done with him yet. “You did ask me to come with you, but that didn’t happen two years ago. That was when you graduated from law school—or did you forget that, too? You didn’t ask me to marry you. Instead, you went on and on about the great place you were going to get and the cool car you were going to drive and all the things you were going to buy. You didn’t talk about us. Just about stuff. You made it sound like you were looking for someone to split the rent with. Why would you think I’d abandon even the worst piece of land in the country to be your roommate? You’re the one who thought you deserved the very best, Nick. Did it ever occur to you that I deserved the best, too? And that sure as hell wasn’t the kiss-off you gave me last time.”
“I was trying to give you a better life. It’s not my fault you didn’t believe I could really give you one. You’d already turned me down once—what was I supposed to do, keep asking so you could keep kicking me down?”
Wait, what? But before Tanya could process what he’d just said, he stormed on. “And I’ll have you know that under no circumstances did I tell you to have a nice life,” he repeated. His voice was firm, bordering on dangerous, but Tanya saw the doubt in his eyes. This wasn’t the knee-jerk denial—this was damage control.
He didn’t remember. He could talk a good game about never forgetting his first love and all that crap that was custom-built to make her think she was important to him, but she knew the truth. He had forgotten about her. She tried to say words to that effect, but that stupid lump kept moving up, so instead she just glared at him.
Still, it was nice to see that Nick was still capable of emotion. Right now, for instance, he looked guilty. Really, really guilty. That made her feel better. “You mean something to me, Tanya,” he offered up weakly. “You always have.”
Her anger bailed on her, and instead she was gripped by an overwhelming sadness. She couldn’t even glare at him. “But I don’t mean enough, Nick. Not as much as the big city and the big job and the big house means. Not as much as you mean to me.” Just saying the words out loud made that unavoidable truth hurt even more.
“Tanya, I’m—” His apology was cut off by the distant ringing of her phone.
Which was just as well. She didn’t want to hear his forced, halfhearted apologies. She scooped up her notebook and pen and walked out of his office with her head held high.
She loved him desperately. She always had, and she always would. But she would never ever be able to hold him. And that, more than the accidental pregnancy, more than life as a struggling single mother, was one of the great tragedies of her life.
Luckily, she was used to living with disappointment.
* * *
Tanya supposed she should have been surprised to hear a knock on her door two nights later, but by this point, she was fresh out of astonishment. She knew it was Nick by the way he knocked—three firm, hard raps that made it clear he wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.
Great. It wasn’t enough that Nick’s presence pervaded her working hours. No, he had to barge in on her family time, too.
He’s part of the family, a nagging little voice whispered in the back of her mind, but Tanya shut down that kind of thinking fast. He was the provider of a set of chromosomes, that’s all.