Her mouth had gone as dry as the soft red sand of the Outback. ‘What was really happening?’
‘For three months she let me go on thinking that our marriage had a chance, but all the while she was planning to leave me and Ella and Holly for another man.’
She couldn’t stop her jaw from dropping. ‘She strung you along for three months?’
His eyes opened. His lips twisted and he pointed to his forehead. ‘Can’t you see the word Stupid branded here?’
‘You weren’t stupid! You trusted her, supported her and... You were married, for heaven’s sake!’ She pressed fingertips to her temples. Thank God Brad had dumped her before they’d married.
‘Apparently returning to Waminda was her backup plan if things didn’t work out with her Texan millionaire.’
She eyed him for a moment, swallowed. ‘I guess they did. Work out, that is.’
‘They did.’
‘I guess telling you you’re better off without her isn’t any comfort at all?’
‘A little.’ This time his smile was genuine. It faded. ‘But Ella and Holly aren’t better off without a mother.’
She shook her head. ‘No.’ She couldn’t keep the horror out of her voice. ‘Whose decision was that?’ She understood Cade’s anger, his bitterness, but would he prevent his ex-wife from seeing their children?
‘Hers,’ he replied in a dead voice and she immediately kicked herself for what she’d just thought. She’d seen him with his children. He didn’t have that kind of spite in him.
‘Quote: “I’m not taking any extra baggage like children from a previous marriage into my new life. Chip wouldn’t like it.”’
‘God!’ She didn’t try to hide her disgust. ‘Where on earth did she pick him up from?’
‘The Internet.’
She slouched back. ‘Poor Ella and Holly.’
‘You said it.’
And poor Cade.
She glanced at him, and roused herself. ‘The girls,’ she ventured, ‘seem to have bounced back okay. Ella is remarkably well adjusted considering all she’s been through.’ The young girl could be clingy at times, but she understood why now. Holly was still just a baby. Who knew how this would affect her in the years to come?
‘I feel we’ve finally come out the other side.’
His voice told her it had been hell.
‘And this Christmas is a...a signal of a new start?’
‘It’s an attempt to make up to them in some small way for the wretchedness of the last year.’ His hands clenched. ‘It’s my attempt to make amends for all but ignoring Christmas last year.’
If Fran had left him in late August and then strung him along for three months... ‘Fran broke up with you in late November?’
‘Early December,’ he said shortly.
‘Oh, Cade, you can’t blame yourself for last Christmas. It takes time to adjust to a shock like that.’
‘That’s no excuse for not giving Ella and Holly one day of brightness amid all that upheaval. My mother and sister tried to talk me into spending the holidays with them in Brisbane. But Brisbane was the last place I wanted to be, especially knowing that Fran was so close and yet didn’t want to see her own daughters.’
He shook his head. He didn’t say anything more...not that he needed to.
‘I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. If it helps any, you’re giving not only Ella and Holly the kind of Christmas dreams are made of, but your mother, sister and nephews as well.’
He sent her a sidelong glance. ‘And yet the one thing I can’t seem to give them is a nanny brimming over with the joy of the season.’
The criticism stung. She thought she’d been doing fine and dandy on the Christmas front.
‘Considering the way I behaved last year, I realise I’m the last person who should be criticizing someone else’s Christmas spirit.’
But it wasn’t going to stop him from finding fault with her, right? ‘So you’re a pot and I’m the kettle?’
He turned to her. ‘Why are you spending Christmas at Waminda Downs instead of in the bosom of your family or with your friends—with the people you love?’
It was the sheer gentleness of his voice that was her undoing, an inherent understanding that she was dealing with a hell of her own.
She opened her mouth and he leant forward to press a finger to her lips. ‘No nonsense about wanting to experience the majesty of the Outback or searching for adventure or anything else I could get from a travel brochure. At least give me that much respect.’
To her horror, tears filled her eyes. This man had just shared the breakdown of his marriage with her so she could understand why Christmas meant so much to him this year. The least she could do was explain why Christmas was low on her personal landscape.
She swallowed and nodded. He removed his hand and leant back again.
She didn’t speak until she was sure she had her voice back under control. ‘I’m not spending this Christmas in the bosom of my family because there’s only my mother and my aunt, and my mother’s bosom isn’t very...um...warm.’
‘I’m sorry.’
She shrugged. ‘We come from money but the one thing my mother couldn’t buy was the daughter she’d always wanted.’ She blew out a breath and tried to smile. ‘I’m afraid I’ve been a sore disappointment to her. I was never the blonde, svelte ballerina type she’d have liked to see blossom into a society princess who loved fashion and charity lunches.’ Her lips twisted. ‘Oh, and the shock and horror of it all when I decided to earn my own living. Why on earth did I have to choose something as unglamorous as teaching? Couldn’t I at least have had the consideration to study Law or Medicine? At least she’d have been able to brag about those.’
He rested his elbows on his knees. ‘Is she blind?’ he demanded.
‘No, she just sees the world through her own eyes and can’t comprehend anyone else’s view of it.’ She laughed. ‘Nicola Ann, you’re twenty-seven and too old to be gallivanting around the countryside as a nanny looking after someone else’s children. Think of all that dust and heat...and the flies! What on earth will I tell my friends?’
‘She said that?’
‘Verbatim.’ She glanced down at her hands. ‘Christmas lunch with my mother and aunt is an ordeal. They spend at least an hour picking over my myriad flaws and the perceived mistakes I’ve made for the year. Given my start in life and all... Yadda yadda yadda. You get the picture.’
‘I do.’ His voice was grim.
‘And this year I just couldn’t face it. Normally I only survive that lunch with my mother because of the promise of a rollicking good party with my friends in the evening—my Christmas highlight.’
‘And that’s not happening this year?’
Oh, it was happening all right. She just wouldn’t be a part of it.
‘Nicola?’
She hadn’t meant to reveal her troubles to anyone while she was here at Waminda Downs. She’d promised herself that she was through with being an object of pity. And she was. ‘I don’t want this going any further. I don’t want you telling your family or Harry or Jack or anyone about this.’
‘That always went without saying. But you have my word of honour.’
Even now she knew