I thought I could goad Logan into finally losing his temper with me. He never has, you know. He locks it all up inside. I’ve been thinking for years that if I could just shatter his self-control, just once, that he would realise that, no matter how deeply he feels betrayed, he will never raise his hand in anger. Never be the man his father was.’ Caroline sat back and raised an elegant hand to her neck, rubbing wearily before seeming to realise what she was doing. Her hand returned to her lap and she sat up straighter, the perfect image restored.
‘Do you have any idea how much courage it takes an abused woman to pick a fight, Evangeline? That’s how much I believe in the goodness of my son’s heart. That’s how strongly I believe that Logan’s fear of turning out like his father is misguided. He won’t. He will never raise his hand in anger. I believe that with all that I am.’
Evie ran a hand through her hair and nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
‘I’m sorry I used you, Evie. I used Max too and I’ve apologised to him as well. But you have to understand …
That weekend was the closest I’ve ever seen Logan to breaking. I thought that if I pushed him I could finally make it happen.’
Love wasn’t meant to be this complicated, thought Evie raggedly. It just wasn’t. ‘But he didn’t break.’
‘Not on me, no. Instead, you threw that ring away and cracked my son’s heart wide open. I’m calling that a win.’
‘You’re mad,’ said Evie.
‘Been called that before.’ Caroline Carmichael’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. ‘Mad and useless and pathetic. I used to believe it. I don’t any more.’
The waiter came with glasses and water and took their lunch order. Salad for Caroline and a sandwich for Evie. Food that wouldn’t take long to prepare, food that would get this luncheon finished with fast.
‘If Logan’s father was such a man as you describe …’ Evie couldn’t believe she was about to ask such an intimate question of a woman she barely knew ‘… why did you marry him?’
‘If I said I loved him once with all my heart you’d call me a fool. But it’s the only explanation I’ve got.’
Which was no answer at all and for some reason made Evie want to cry. Again.
‘Has Logan told you anything about his father?’ asked Caroline Carmichael after a long, long pause.
‘Very little.’ Evie shrugged and cleared her throat. ‘He told me that you left him. That you left Logan too. And then his father killed himself.’
‘Did he mention that he was with his father because I was in a hospital with two cracked ribs, a broken cheekbone and internal bruising?’
No. Logan hadn’t mentioned that.
‘Hospital,’ echoed Evie.
‘Yes.’
That explained.a lot.
‘When I got out of hospital I went to my sister’s. I stayed there a week, getting AVO’s and legal advice about how to get Logan away from his father. How to keep him away from his father. His father was a rich man. He could have the best legal representation money could buy and I needed to cover my bases. I couldn’t afford not to do everything right. I was always coming back for my son, Evangeline. Always. I just wasn’t fast enough.’
Evie said nothing. There was nothing to say.
‘Do you know what the ultimate bid for control ends in, Evangeline?’ asked Caroline Carmichael. ‘Death. And you might think that the last one standing is the victor, but not always. Sometimes the last ones standing wear the stain of that death for the rest of our lives. The helplessness and the guilt. The control issues. The fear of ever letting anyone get close.’
‘But you married again.’
‘I had the best shrinks money could buy and a very understanding second husband. He died too, from cancer, and it was fast and painful. Heartbreaking in its own way. But not my fault.’
There was the guilt Caroline Carmichael spoke of. The deeply held scars that coloured her life.
My mother’s not a bad person, Max had said.
‘Mrs Carmichael—’
‘Caroline,’ said the older woman. ‘Please.’
‘Caroline.’ The name rolled off Evie’s tongue easily enough. It was hard to keep hold of her anger when her overwhelming emotion was sadness. ‘I appreciate you telling me about your past, and Logan’s, but please … don’t pin any hopes on me and Logan staying together, or on me being able to influence his relationship with you. I’m not pinning any hopes on me and Logan staying together. He’s here for a week and we’re halfway through it already, and after that he’s going to go. And while I hope very much that Logan’s been able to slay a few demons when it comes to him being too dominant and me being too submissive all those years ago, I’m going to let him go.’
‘You don’t care for him?’
‘I do care for him. It’d be so easy to care deeply for your son, but I can’t, don’t you see? Logan doesn’t want to fall in love with me. He wants a casual, easy relationship that he can walk away from, no damage done to either of us. That’s how Logan knows he’s not the dangerously obsessed and unstable man his father was. He doesn’t trust his heart in that regard. Only his actions. He walks away. You know that’s what he’ll do.’
‘But he isn’t walking away,’ offered Caroline quietly. ‘Not from you.’
‘He will.’ Evie took a jagged breath. ‘It won’t be long now.’
‘He’ll be back.’
‘Maybe. And then he’ll go again. And again. And again. Mrs Carmichael, what do you want me to say?’
‘I want you to say that you’ll give my son a chance. That you won’t be so busy protecting your own heart that you fail to see the love pouring out of his. Don’t go into this thinking that Logan’s only move will be away from you. I think he’ll surprise you. Let him surprise you.’
Evie glanced away. She didn’t know what to say.
‘Anything else?’ Because Evie really wanted to be done here.
‘One more thing. One more piece of advice that perhaps my second husband might give to you were he alive today. He was a good man, Evie. A loving man and he loved my Logan as if he were his own. He’d have asked you to be generous with Logan when he makes mistakes.’
‘I had lunch with your mother today.’
Logan stilled and Evie felt the headache that had been coming on all afternoon pick up. Most of the conversations she’d had today hadn’t gone well. Evie didn’t hold out a lot of hope for this one. ‘She cornered me at work. Max was in on the plan as well, though I noticed he managed to weasel his way out of the actual lunch.’ Bastard.
‘What did she want?’ Logan asked finally, his attention seemingly fixed on the far corner of her not-so-sparkling kitchen floor.
‘Mostly to apologise for using me to get to you.’
‘Sounds about right.’ A muscle ticced in his otherwise rigid jaw. ‘What else did she want?’
‘To sing your praises, I think. She did a bit of that.’ Evie wasn’t sure she wanted to share the entire conversation with Logan, but she could reveal bits of it. ‘She wanted to know my intentions towards you.’
Logan looked up, his gaze ever so slightly incredulous. ‘What did you tell her?’
‘I probably should have told her to mind her own business, but I didn’t. I told her you were leaving at the end of the week and that