lying beside the old blankets on which she slept.
“Who is it?” Elizabeth peered through the canvas flap that was the closest thing to a door that she had. She saw two men standing a proper distance away. The canvas was stiff in her hands and still half-frozen from the night’s cold. She could see her breath when she spoke.
Even with the white handkerchief up, the people who left food and firewood didn’t try to speak to her. She had started leaving jars of her preserves on the wagon seat to repay them. She was always glad to see the jars were gone when she walked the few feet back to the wagon. She didn’t want to be beholden to anyone when she died.
She wondered who wanted to talk with her now.
“Sergeant Rawlings, ma’am.”
Elizabeth nodded. She had seen the man at the blacksmith shop. “I’m sorry, but tell Mr. Miller that it’s not time yet.”
She moved the canvas in her hand slightly and felt the brush of a freezing wind. She tightened her blanket around her. She’d thought she’d never feel this kind of bitter cold again. Suddenly, she wondered if the blacksmith wanted more payment now that the temperatures were dropping, making it harder to dig in this gray dirt. She hoped not. A deal was a deal.
“We’re not here about that. Could you come out here so we can talk?”
Elizabeth hadn’t talked to anyone in days and she wasn’t in a hurry to do so now. Besides, she wanted to study the men a little before she went out to meet them.
“Give me a minute.”
She could see Sergeant Rawlings plainly, but the other man had his back to her. Initially, she thought he was one of the soldiers from the fort, too. But when she looked at him more closely, she realized he couldn’t be a soldier. He wore a buckskin jacket and he had a black fur of some kind wrapped around his shoulders in a sling.
She shivered, and this time it was not from the cold. He must be an Indian. She’d seen Indian scouts coming and going from the fort, but this man looked like one of those wild Indians, the ones who killed people. She’d heard they did unspeakable things. Things she shouldn’t even think about—like taking a lone woman’s virtue and then, most likely, her scalp.
Elizabeth reached up to touch her hair. She suddenly wondered if Mr. Miller was planning to use the Indian to scare her into giving him more payment to dig her grave. Maybe Mr. Miller could threaten to have the Indian do the digging if she didn’t cooperate. Her breath caught at the thought of a heathen preparing her grave.
Elizabeth kept count of the days, using a stick to mark their passage on the ground outside her tent. She should be in her grave by now, but she wasn’t. She didn’t know what was wrong. She supposed God was giving her more time on this earth in hopes she would repent of the anger she felt toward Him, but, if that was what He was doing, He might as well move things along. She knew who had taken her baby away from her and more time wouldn’t change that.
She couldn’t afford to lie in a grave dug by a heathen, though. What if God used that as an excuse to shut her out for all of eternity? She had been careful not to say a single word of complaint against God during this whole time—not to Matthew as he lay dying, not to the doctor, not to anyone—but an unholy grave might turn God from her anyway. She couldn’t risk that; the only consolation she had left was the promise that she would see her baby again in Heaven.
She closed her eyes and tried to remember her exact words to the blacksmith, but she couldn’t. Matthew had always said she didn’t know how to drive a good bargain, and he was right. She should have made it clear to Mr. Miller that he was to handle the shovel himself. Over the past few days, she’d started to feel the cold seeping into the ground beneath her, but she hadn’t realized what it might mean. She hoped God would let her die quickly before everything froze deep enough to trouble the blacksmith.
A horse neighed somewhere and Elizabeth opened her eyes again to look at the two men. Something was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t Mr. Miller who wanted what was left of her possessions. Maybe it was the two men in front of her who were going to try and steal everything. They were certainly talking about something more serious than shovels as they waited for her. She swallowed. She would be no match for them if that’s what they decided.
Elizabeth reached behind her for the old rifle she had, but then stopped. She couldn’t shoot someone, not even if they were intent on stealing every last thing she owned.
She moved her hand and leaned forward to look more closely at the men. She did not see any sign of greed on the sergeant’s face as he kept talking to the Indian. Neither one of them looked as if they were thinking of robbing her.
“It must be the preserves,” Elizabeth suddenly muttered to herself in relief.
Of course, that was it. She’d forgotten they were in the wagon. The army man probably wanted the Indian to help him carry the rest of the preserves to the fort before the jars got so cold they cracked. Matthew had loaded the bottom of their wagon with things for the new store he planned to open, but Elizabeth had known she wouldn’t be able to rely on Matthew to feed her and the baby, so she had canned everything she could before they left Kansas.
She’d even poured a mixture of beeswax and beef tallow on top of her jellies and apple butters so the ones they didn’t eat on their journey would keep through the winter. Now, the last of the preserves were lying cradled on top of the woolens at the back of the wagon.
Well, she told herself after a moment, the sergeant had the right of it. Preserves were scarce out here. These soldiers lived on their rations of salt pork, dried beans and green coffee. She’d seen the men coming and going from the fort and none of them looked well-fed. She should have hauled all of those preserves up to the wagon seat before now, anyway. Even her pickled things, like her red beets and sour cabbage, shouldn’t go to waste just because she was dying.
It wasn’t until the man in the buckskin moved that Elizabeth saw the Indian girl sitting on the pinto pony near the fort. She must be about nine or ten years old and she had a blanket wrapped around her. Edges of a faded calico dress showed through where the blanket didn’t cover and animal pelts were tied around her legs. Elizabeth couldn’t imagine why the girl was watching them so intently.
“Could you just come out here, please?” Sergeant Rawlings called out again.
Really—men, Elizabeth thought to herself. She supposed it never occurred to any of them to let her die in peace and worry about the preserves later. That was men for you. Always thinking about their stomachs. Matthew had been like that, too. He had always expected her to have a meal ready even when he didn’t provide her with a scrap of meat or a handful of flour to use in the making of it.
But, oh, how she missed him and Rose. Matthew hadn’t been much of a provider, but he had treated her well enough. She had been learning to please him, too, and, if they’d been given a little more time together, she was sure she would have succeeded in making him happy with their marriage. He was the first family that was really her own. And he’d given her Rose. Her baby only had to be herself to melt everyone’s heart.
Elizabeth wrapped a blanket around her like a shawl and stepped out of the tent. The ground outside was slippery from frost and she felt the cold deeply as she walked toward the sergeant and the Indian. She had taken several steps when the man in the buckskin turned around and she saw him fully for the first time.
“Oh, dear, I’m sorry.” She stopped and stared. Why, he wasn’t an Indian at all. His eyes were blue and the skin around his eyes, the part that was wrinkled from squinting, was undeniably white. His nose wasn’t flat like some of the Indians she’d seen and his cheekbones were high. Even with that knowledge, though, she wasn’t quite sure about him. Up close, he seemed larger than she had expected. And more fierce than a white man should be. He looked like a warrior no matter what color he was.
“There’s no need to apologize,” Sergeant Rawlings said stiffly. “We’re sorry to trouble you.”
Elizabeth nodded and tried to think of something to say to cover the erratic beating