help. I’ve been baffled about what to do for him.”
He didn’t add that he felt as if was failing Josh, just as much as he had failed Frannie for the last eighteen years.
“You’re doing fine,” she answered. “Josh needs love most of all and it’s obvious you have plenty of that to give him.”
She touched his arm again, as he realized was her habit, and Ross felt the heat of it sing through his system.
He wanted to stay right here all afternoon, to just let her gentle touch soothe away all his ragged edges, all the tangles and turmoil he had been dealing with since Lloyd’s murder and Frannie’s arrest.
What was it about her that had such a powerful impact on him? She was lovely, yes. He had known lovely women before, though, and none of them exuded the same soft serenity that called to him with such seductive invitation.
“Sorry that took so long. We can leave anytime.”
At Josh’s approach, Julie quickly dropped her hand from his arm and Ross realized they had been standing there staring at each other for who knows how long.
Josh shifted his gaze between the two of them, as if trying to filter through the currents that must be zinging around.
“Um, no problem,” Ross mumbled. “I guess we should go, then.”
They said their goodbyes to Julie, and he couldn’t help noticing that she looked as rattled as he felt, something that probably shouldn’t suddenly make him feel so cheerful.
Julie studied the boy sprawled in the easy chair in her office.
For the past half hour, Josh had been telling her all the reasons he wasn’t grieving for his father. He talked about Lloyd Fredericks as if he despised him, but then Julie would see flashes of pain appear out of nowhere in his eyes and she knew the truth of Josh’s relationship with his father wasn’t so easily defined.
“I’m not glad he’s dead. I know I said that right after he was killed, but it’s not true. I guess I didn’t really want him dead, I just wanted him out of my life and my mom’s life. It’s weird that he’s gone, you know? I keep expecting him to come slamming into the house and start picking on my mom for whatever thing bugged him most that day. Instead, it’s only Ross there and he never says much of anything.”
“It’s natural for you to be conflicted, Josh. You’re grieving for your father, or at least for the relationship you might have wanted to share with your father.”
Josh shrugged. “I guess.”
“Nobody can make that process any easier. We each have to walk our own path when it comes to learning to live with the things we can’t have anymore. But one thing I’ve found that helps me when I’m sad is to focus not on the things that are missing in my life but instead on the many things I’m grateful to have.”
“Glass-half-full kind of stuff, huh?”
“Exactly. You’re in the middle of a crisis right now and many times it’s hard to see beyond that. That’s perfectly normal, Josh. But it can help ease a little of that turmoil to remember you’ve still got your uncle standing by your side. You’ve still got good friends who can help you through.”
“I’ve got Lyndsey.”
Josh had mentioned his girlfriend at least five or six times in their session. Julie hadn’t met the girl but it was obvious Josh was enamored of her.
“You’ve got Lyndsey. Many people in your life care about you and are here to help you get through this.”
“I know what I have. Just like I know what I have to protect.”
Julie mulled over his statement, finding his choice of words a little unsettling.
“What do you need to protect? And from whom? Your mother? Lyndsey?”
He became inordinately fascinated with the upholstered buttons on the arm of the easy chair, tugging at the closest one. “The people I love. I should have acted sooner. I should have protected my mom from Lloyd a long time ago.”
“How would you have done that? Your mother was a grown woman, making her own choices. What could you have done?”
After a long moment, he lifted his shoulders. “I don’t know. I should have figured something out.”
She pressed him on the point as much as she could before it became obvious he didn’t want to talk anymore. He became more closed-mouthed and distant. Though they technically still had five minutes, she opted to end the session a little earlier.
“Thanks for…this,” Josh said. “The talk and stuff. It helped a lot.”
She had no idea what she had possibly been able to offer, but she smiled. “I’m glad. Will you come again?”
He hesitated just long enough to make the moment awkward. “I guess,” he finally said. “I don’t think I really need therapy or anything but I don’t mind talking to you.”
“Great.”
She quickly wrote her cell number on a memo sheet from a dispenser on her desk. “I’m going to give you my mobile number. If you want to talk, I’m here, okay? Anytime.”
“Even if I called you at three in the morning?”
She smiled a little at his cynicism, the natural adolescent desire to stretch every boundary to the limit. “Of course. I might be half asleep for a moment at first, but after I wake up a little, I’ll be very happy you felt you could bother me at 3:00 a.m.”
She wasn’t sure he believed her, but at least he didn’t openly argue.
Ross was thumbing through a magazine in the reception area when they opened Julie’s office door. He rose to his feet and she was struck again by his height and the sheer solid strength of him.
With that tumble of dark hair brushing his collar and those deep brown eyes, he looked brooding and dark and dangerous, though she had come to see that was mostly illusion.
Mostly.
Her insides gave that funny little jolt they seemed to do whenever she saw him and she fought down a shiver. She had to get control of herself. Every time she was around the man, she forgot all the many reasons she shouldn’t be attracted to him.
“Hey, Uncle Ross. I’m going to go see if Ricky is still shooting hoops out back,” Josh said.
“Okay. I’ll be out in a minute. I’d like to talk to Ms. Osterman.”
Josh nodded, picked up his backpack and headed out the door. Josh had been her last appointment of the day and this was Susan’s half day, so no other patients waited in the reception area.
She was suddenly acutely aware that she and Ross were alone and she ordered her nerves to settle.
“How did things go in there?” Ross asked.
She sent him a sidelong look as she closed and locked her office door. “Just fine. And that’s all I can or will tell you.”
“Did he tell you he insisted on going back to school today, over all my well-reasoned objections?”
“He did.”
“Am I wrong in thinking he should take more time?”
She studied him, charmed despite all the warnings to herself by his earnest concern for his nephew’s well-being. She knew Ross was trying to do the right thing for Josh and she could also tell by the note of uncertainty in his voice that he didn’t feel up to the task.
She chose her words carefully, loath to give him any more reason to doubt himself. “I think Josh needs to set his own pace. He’s supposed to graduate in two weeks. Right now it’s important for him to go through the motions of regaining his life.”
“He didn’t say much about school today