from the ward.
‘I’m on the labour ward tomorrow,’ Felicity said as she and Helen paid for their meals in the large canteen. Though canteen wasn’t the word Felicity would use for it, because it was nothing like the one in her old hospital. The room was spacious and airy, the food was prepared by chefs instead of being delivered via vending machines, and was quite simply delicious. Already Felicity was getting to know a few people, and she smiled to a couple of familiar faces as she and Helen walked over to a table. ‘And then I’m in Theatre the next day.’
‘And after that you’re on your own—I bet you can’t wait.’
‘I’ve loved being supernumerary, and I love that I haven’t been thrown in at the deep end, but I really am looking forward to working on my own.’
‘And delivering your first Zaraquian!’ Helen grinned and drained her cup. ‘Okay, back to it.’
A hefty nudge in the ribs as they walked out had Felicity looking up, and her face paled as she saw the subject of Helen’s attention. Dressed in a suit, chatting and laughing with a colleague, he was focussed on his conversation and heading towards the surgeons’ lounge. Corridors could feel like very long things at times—because Karim saw her. His eyes frowned, his voice halted mid-conversation—and then normal services were resumed. He swept towards her as if she wasn’t there, completely disregarded her.
As, of course, any surgeon would a nurse they supposedly hadn’t met.
‘Didn’t I tell you he was gorgeous?’ Helen said when they had passed, but Felicity didn’t answer. She had caught a waft of his cologne as he breezed past, and her cheeks burned.
Karim had very clearly set down the rules. Yes, corridors were very long things. Because, had he chosen to, had he cared even a little about her, there would have been plenty of time for a brief smile.
‘I’m just going to the loo.’ They were back at Maternity, and Felicity needed a moment to collect herself.
‘Again?’ Helen grinned.
Yes, again, Felicity thought. Because even though she didn’t actually need to go, she did need to check.
Again.
And again there was nothing.
She was being ridiculous, she told herself for maybe the hundredth time.
They’d used protection. Karim had been so careful. Her period was one day late, for goodness’ sake—hardly anything to worry about, given the move, given the flight. Yet she took out the little specimen jar from her pocket, because she just wanted her mind to be at rest. It was no wonder she felt slightly sick. The different food, jet lag…She was being ridiculous and soon she’d have proof. Wrapping the jar in toilet tissue, Felicity placed it back in her pocket.
She didn’t want to take a test home with her—there were Security everywhere and what if they checked her pockets?—but neither did she have the confidence or knowledge to go to a local pharmacist. Would they ask questions? Could an unmarried woman even purchase a test? She truly didn’t know.
But though her head was in many places, her mind was still on her patients.
‘Blood pressure’s fine…’ Felicity smiled at the chatty woman beside her. Jessica Hammel was forty-two, had four sons in high school, and was about to welcome baby number five.
‘It doesn’t feel as if my blood pressure’s fine!’ Jessica rolled her eyes. ‘I can’t believe I’m going to be looking after a tiny baby again.’
She blinked at the enormity of it all.
‘I had a tummy tuck two years ago. Fat waste of time that was!’
Felicity smiled and waited for Jessica to speak further if she wished.
‘I’m okay with it. A bit stunned, I suppose. Everybody thinks I want a girl.’
‘Have you found out?’ Felicity asked, checking her patient’s scan report.
‘Nope!’ Jessica said firmly. ‘Because, as I’ve told everyone, all I want is for it to be healthy. Though…’ she caught Felicity’s eye ‘…after four boys a girl would be rather nice. I think I’ve earned a bit of pink!’ Her voice was a little anxious now. ‘Dr Habib said that if nothing happened by this visit, then I was to be admitted and induced.’
She looked over to Felicity, who was eyeing the CTG reading and almost willing it to change. But this baby looked very comfortable where it was for now. If Felicity had her say, it would stay put for a little while longer. Still, she didn’t have a say, and, as she had told Karim, she wasn’t here to change the world. She took her patient off the monitor and chatted away to her, trying, as she always seemed to be these days, not to let her mind wander to Karim.
Felicity took a pipette and did a routine pregnancy test on her next patient—one of the lecturers from the university who had been undergoing IVF. She happily ticked the little box on the chart as the pink cross came up and signed her initials, before throwing the card in the bin. She turned to go, then changed her mind and opened up the cupboard that held the pregnancy tests, worried about taking one. Where she’d used to work nurses did it all the time—it was for that reason the tests were generally locked up. But she was here in Zaraq and she simply had to know!
She pulled out the little jar, seeing her hands were shaking, and performed the simple test. She jumped guiltily when Helen breezed in, pulling out trays and looking for some batteries for the Doppler machine. Felicity joined her in the search, as she was still trying to get acquainted with where everything was kept.
‘You’re doing really well. The clinic is running smoothly.’ Helen smiled. ‘Tonight there are a few of us going out for dinner—you should come along…’
‘I might ring home tonight,’ Felicity said. ‘But thanks for the invite.’
‘There’ll be plenty more.’ Helen shrugged. ‘We’re a friendly lot, all in the same boat…or the same desert. Who’s that for?’ she asked casually as she found the batteries and walked out, glancing over her shoulder at the test card.
For Felicity there was the most appalling moment—because a negative test would cause confusion, given they were in the antenatal ward. But Helen didn’t notice the silence, just glanced at the patient file and answered her own question.
‘She’s a nice lady, isn’t she? Dr Habib will probably send her straight for an ultrasound, just to put her mind at rest.’
‘Sorry?’ Felicity croaked.
‘IVF patients,’ Helen answered patiently, as she had all Felicity’s questions through the week. ‘They can’t believe they’re pregnant till they see it for themselves on screen.’
Despite the cool air-conditioning Felicity felt as if she were standing in the heat outside, as if the sun was beating on the back of her head. She was drenched with nausea and fear, and tried to walk casually across to the bench to comprehend why Helen was talking as if the card indicated positive.
‘Let me know if you change your mind about tonight,’ Helen said, walking out of the room, utterly oblivious to the chaos she’d left behind. The heavy door softly closed behind her.
Picking up the card, Felicity stared at the pink cross, telling herself she must have mixed the specimens up. But that argument failed in a trice—she was meticulous at that type of thing. Jessica’s specimen had been thrown away before she’d even retrieved her own.
The card was wrong. Felicity’s heart lurched in hope. Maybe it was a faulty batch. And then her heart sank again—because that would mean every test she had performed this morning had been on a non-pregnant woman—which, given they were in an antenatal ward…
Her mind just staggered from hope to hope, like a lost child running frantically in the supermarket for his mother, tugging every familiar coat and then recoiling when it wasn’t her.
She