them back. Oddly enough, she felt as though she’d been the one hiding secrets from him.
He froze. “What baby?”
Swallowing, she braced herself to say the words. Bringing it up again only served to awaken old grief, old pain.
“I was pregnant, Sean. With our child.”
“You didn’t tell me?”
“I was going to tell you that night, the night you ‘died.’” Her voice broke, but she forced herself to continue. “I had everything planned. I thought we could announce it to your entire family together.”
The anguish in his face mirrored that in her heart.
“Sweet Jesus … I didn’t know.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” she lied. She’d convinced herself she was all right for so long, she didn’t dare fall apart now.
Now he did come to her, pulling her into his arms. “Did you tell anyone?”
“Only my father, and I swore him to secrecy.” She held herself stiffly, unwilling to take comfort from Sean now, when it was far too late.
“I didn’t know,” he murmured again, his voice breaking. “God, Nat. I’m terribly, terribly sorry.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” Pushing him away before she lost control and started weeping, Natalie tried for stoic and settled on disgust. “I’ve already grieved for him, Sean. Two years ago.”
He winced. “Our son?” His voice was hoarse. “You’re telling me we would have had a son?”
Managing a nod, she said nothing. She didn’t trust herself to speak. Not yet.
He reached for her again. “What you’ve been through …”
Evading him, she took a step back and shook her head. “I survived. Just like you.” Taking a deep breath, irrationally proud that her voice sounded steady, she met his gaze. “About the Hungarian, Sean. Big V. You need to tell Corbett.”
“I know.” He began to pace, his agitated movements clearly showing his tension. Finally, he ended up facing her, though the length of the room separated them. “I can’t tell Corbett. Not now.”
“But—”
His expression totally shut down, making him appear cold and remote. A stranger.
“Nat, I’ve lost everything and everyone I’ve ever cared about. My entire family, my friends, you. Can’t you see that Corbett’s all I have left? I don’t want to lose him, too.”
“He loves you like a son, Sean. You won’t lose him.”
“No, that’s where you’re wrong. If he were to find out that I once conspired against him, he’d never forgive—or forget. I know him better than you do.”
“I’ve known Corbett since I was a little girl,” she protested. “He and my father grew up together. You know that.”
“Maybe he considers you family. But me …” He crossed his arms and shook his head. “He has a strong sense of honor. You’ve never seen him when he feels someone has betrayed him. I have.”
“Do you really think he’d view this as a betrayal? You did nothing.”
“No, but I intended to. With him, intent is all that matters.” Hands clenched into fists, he took a step toward her and stopped. The agony in his eyes tore at her heart. “Give me your word, Natalie. Give me your word you won’t tell him.”
She nearly choked. He knew when she promised something, she meant it. It took every ounce of self-restraint she possessed not to point out he wasn’t in a position to ask favors of her. Instead, she told him the truth, as she always had in the past. “I don’t plan on telling him. That’s something you’ve got to deal with on your own. I won’t make it easy for you.”
Relief flashed across his handsome face. “Good. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, Sean.” She dug out her phone, turning it over in her hand. “You’re the one who has to live with yourself, not me.”
Again a shadow filled his eyes and she knew he was remembering. Holding her breath, waiting for something—something intangible, something she couldn’t put a name to if she tried, she ached. Looking at him, she couldn’t help but remember, too.
How much she’d loved this man. How much he’d loved her—or so she’d once believed. His eyes were dark with pain. Tired eyes. Beloved eyes. Still.
Ruthlessly, she pushed the thought away and opened her cell phone.
“Now who are you calling?”
“Auggie again.” She frowned. “He never called back. I’m a bit worried. I wonder if he’s heard about my father.”
This time Auggie answered on the fourth ring. “Nat! How good to hear from you. I’m sorry I never returned your call. Things have been a bit crazy. The bad guys are planning something big and I’ve been trying to get information on it.”
“I know what it is.” She took a deep breath. “Aug, they’ve got my father.”
He didn’t understand. “What? Who’s got your father?”
“We think it’s the Hungarian.”
“The Hungarian?” Auggie’s surprise came clear over the phone. “That doesn’t make sense. Why on earth would the Hungarian want your father?”
“We think he wants to use Dad as bait.”
“Bait for what?” Auggie sounded grim. As though he meant to wade into the mess, find the Hungarian, and pull him out by the scruff of his fat neck.
Natalie sighed. “That stupid code. The one I copied. And Sean. They want Sean.”
“Why? Sean’s no threat to them, is he? And you never deciphered their code, so it’s worthless.” He paused. “Or did you?”
“No, I haven’t. Not yet.”
“Then why would they want it? Especially if it’s their own code?”
“Maybe it’s not their code.”
“What?” Auggie asked.
She looked at Sean, remembering their conversation. “If these two pieces of code do belong to someone else, maybe the Hungarian wants to decipher them before we do.”
“Let me see if I can find out anything. I’ll call you back.” Auggie hung up.
Sean looked at her, considering. “Where did you get your code?”
“One of our agents brought it in. I don’t know where she got it.”
“Can you ask her? This could be important.”
“She’s dead. She got assigned to work on my team, which, as you know, was a death sentence.”
Lightly he touched her shoulder. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Try and think. Maybe she might have talked about something minor, something that could give us a hint how she came by that coded message.”
Natalie tried to remember if Sonia had mentioned where the code had come from. “Nothing comes to mind.”
“Maybe it’ll come to you.” When he took his hand from her skin, she felt bereft. “In the meantime, I need to call Corbett and see if he can tell me how he came by his coded message.”
While Sean talked to Corbett, Natalie wandered the small room, trying to think. So far she hadn’t been successful in deciphering an entire word or phrase—she’d been too busy trying to establish an alphabet.
Maybe she’d been going about it the wrong way. Perhaps she needed to treat the coded message as if it were a treasure map.