she, when she had been fully compliant, he’d given her a clear choice and she’d taken it. Heck, she hadn’t just taken it, she’d jumped at it. ‘It was absolutely, one hundred percent consensual.’
‘Are you sure, Kaz?’ Cat said gently. ‘If he was your first, sometimes the issue of consent can be more complex.’
‘Not this time. I wanted it to happen, very much,’ she murmured in the interests of full disclosure, the humiliating truth making her cheeks burn. ‘We’d spent the night together. He was exhausted and then he had this terrible nightmare… It was intimate and I totally objectified him. Because…’ The flush climbed up to her hairline. ‘He’s really, really hot. And when we did it, I enjoyed it. A lot. In fact, I had two orgasms. I really couldn’t have asked for a better experience for my first time. But afterwards…’
She sat down on the bed, scrubbed her hands over her face, trying to erase the brutal memory of his face, so indomitable, so proud, so unyielding—and yet so trusting. ‘He was adamant that his honour means we have to get married.’ She clasped her hands together in her lap, remembering the leap of her stupidly romantic heart when he’d suggested it.
For a moment she’d actually considered it. She’d been shocked, yes, but a tiny part of her had been flattered and excited. Because that teenager who had spun romantic dreams about Raif before she’d ever met him had leapt out of hiding. But that adrenaline hit had been quickly followed by the cruel, harsh jolt of reality as soon as he’d begun to talk about honour and duty.
Marrying Prince Kasim, marrying anyone in these circumstances, would be totally wrong. However hot he was, or however many orgasms he could give her. They’d been thrown together by chance and, yes, they had sexual chemistry. But that was all they had. They didn’t know each other.
And one of the few things Raif did know about her he didn’t seem to think was relevant. She had a life plan, a plan that had changed and evolved since she was a little girl trying to justify her mother’s abandonment, or that starry-eyed and over-excitable teenager working as a servant in the palace and dreaming of marrying a prince. And that life plan did not include an arranged marriage to a man who thought his honour was more important than her future, or his own.
‘He can’t force you to marry him,’ Cat said, covering her clasped hands. ‘Even if you went to him willingly and didn’t tell him you were a virgin. If he follows you here and tries to insist, Zane will have his advisors explain the law to him. You don’t even have to see him again if you don’t want to. You certainly don’t have to go back to England to avoid that confrontation.’
‘I know,’ she said. She turned her hands over and clutched Cat’s.
Now would be the perfect time to tell Cat the whole truth, to reveal that the man she’d slept with was the ruler of the Kholadi and Zane’s half-brother. And the reason he was demanding marriage was bound up in his bloodline and his legacy and the responsibilities he had to his position—it wasn’t just a generic obsession with Narabia’s more traditional and outdated customs.
But she couldn’t tell Cat.
Not only was she hopelessly ashamed of her behaviour, she knew if she told Cat, and by extension Zane, they would still back her to the hilt. But it would put them in an impossible position. Especially given Zane’s strained relationship with Raif.
She’d screwed up, and the only way she could see to fix it was to leave. If she returned to the UK, Raif wouldn’t follow her there. It would let them both off the hook—erasing the problem and releasing him from an obligation he didn’t want. He would no longer be bound by the ancient law if the woman he had compromised, or thought he had compromised, was thousands of miles away. Surely even his honour wouldn’t dictate that he leave the desert, leave his people to venture out into a world he knew nothing about to track down a woman he’d had an ill-advised one-morning stand with?
‘I’d rather just go back to the UK,’ she said. ‘And forget this ever happened.’ Not that she ever would be able to forget Raif, she thought miserably, as the swelling in her throat was joined by the hot throb of reaction in her sex.
He was going to be a hard act to follow. But that’s what happened when you chose to lose your virginity to the man of your dreams, and he lived up to every single one of them.
‘Are you sure?’ Cat said, her eyes shadowed with concern.
‘Yes, I’m positive. If the man follows me here…’ There was always the possibility that Raif wouldn’t come to the Golden Palace, but from the furious frown on his face the last time she’d seen him, she wasn’t taking that chance. If nothing else, she felt sure he would want to get his beautiful horse back. She ought to have at least a couple of days’ grace as he only had the small pack pony to ride and would have to return to the Kholadi encampment first to get a new mount. ‘It’ll be easier for everyone concerned if you can explain I’m no longer here. I know it’s cowardly but I—’
‘Stop saying that, Kasia. There’s not a cowardly bone in your body. I totally understand if you want to avoid this guy,’ she added, patting Kasia’s arm. ‘I’ll help you pack. Then I’ll arrange a car to take you to the airport in Kallah—we can book you on the flight out tonight.’
‘Thanks.’ Kasia smiled at her friend, so pathetically grateful for Cat’s stalwart support she had to swallow down another wave of tears. ‘Will Zane be okay with that?’
‘He’ll have questions, I expect,’ Cat said. ‘But he trusts my judgement and he trusts you, too, Kasia. And no way would he make you face this guy if you don’t want to, okay?’
Kasia nodded. ‘Thanks.’
Cat smiled. ‘At least it’s good to know you got two orgasms out of him before he turned into a jerk.’
Kasia forced herself to smile back. ‘And they were spectacular ones, to be fair.’
Cat laughed. ‘There you go. Spectacular orgasms are never bad.’
But Kasia’s heart shrank in her chest as Cat dashed off to make the travel arrangements and left her to finish packing.
Zane trusted Cat’s judgement because he adored his queen. Theirs was the kind of relationship Kasia had always hoped to emulate. It was one of the other reasons she had never dated seriously in Cambridge. Because she’d wanted what Zane and Cat had—before she’d been hijacked by her own pheromones.
But it wasn’t just her pheromones that were to blame for this disaster.
The bedrock of a relationship like Zane and Cat’s was trust and honesty—something Kasia had failed at the very first time she was tested.
Somehow she doubted Zane would trust her once he found out to whom she’d given her virginity so thoughtlessly. In fact, he might well hate her a little if there was any political fallout from this mess. She may well have soured her relationship with the Sheikh—a man she had always admired a great deal and whose respect meant a lot.
But why did it hurt so much more to know the person who would probably hate her most was Raif?
‘KASIA SALAH—I need to speak to her. Now.’
Raif controlled the fury that had been building for four days now, and held onto the curse word lodged in his throat as the woman standing at the gate of the Golden Palace’s women’s quarters trembled visibly but still refused to open the damn gate.
He didn’t bully women. But this was intolerable. He’d arrived fifteen minutes ago and he still hadn’t been able to locate Kasia.
Following a short ride and a very long walk to the nearest Kholadi encampment, he’d been forced to rest overnight to get his strength back after a bout of vomiting before he’d been able to make the two-day ride to Zafari.
A