Ciara could not decide whether to take them or not, so she spent several minutes staring them down and trying to make up her mind. They’d been part of her life since she had travelled to Lairig Dubh, each one carved by Tavis in an attempt to entertain her.
The first, a horse, was still her favourite because her father—stepfather—had asked him to make it for her. The rest were Tavis’s idea and over the days spent on the road, her collection included the horse, the pig, the deer and the sheep. Used by her and shared with her siblings, they were worn smooth now, but no less valued by her. She reached to scoop them up when her mother entered her room.
‘Taking them with you on your journey?’ she asked as she walked over and adjusted the cloak on Ciara’s shoulders. ‘You never leave home without them, do you?’
‘Should I?’ she asked. Part of her wanted to leave them and the other part wanted to bring them. Most likely her childish fears trying to push forwards.
‘Darling, they are part of you and your life up to today. Do not be ashamed of them, but do not let your past overshadow your future.’
Her mother smoothed her hair back from her face and pressed a kiss on her forehead. It soothed her as much now as it always did. How would she manage without these special moments? Did she have to give up all of this simply to grow up?
‘I think I will take just this one,’ she said, with more confidence than she felt. Still, these small objects always brought her comfort when she needed it most. She faced leaving behind everyone and everything she knew and loved and becoming part of another family, belonging to one man. Ciara found a scarf in her trunk, wrapped it around the wooden carving carefully and placed it in the leather bag she would carry.
‘Elizabeth waits for you in the yard,’ her mother said as she slid her arm around hers and walked at her side. ‘Her parents have given permission for her to return with you after the wedding. If you would like?’
Ciara smiled. Of all the news she could receive this morn, this was the best. Her most favourite friend would go with her to her new life, a comforting thought.
‘You tease me, Mother,’ Ciara replied. ‘Only if the laird gave permission for Lilidh to join me would my joy be greater.’ Her cousin Lilidh and she had spent many hours and days in each other’s company and Lilidh would have been a perfect companion for her. But Lilidh, as the laird’s daughter, would be married soon and would not be allowed to stay with Ciara and James in Perthshire.
She would have left, walked out of the chamber that had been hers for so long, but one question continued to bother her. Ciara usually ignored it tugging at her heart, but as this betrothal and wedding came nearer to reality for her, she could no longer keep it in.
‘My father …’ she said before her confidence faltered. A quick glance at her mother’s face stopped her from saying more.
‘Duncan is your father, dearling. Always,’ her mother whispered. An expression of such desolation entered her mother’s eyes that it hurt Ciara to see it there. Gone as quickly as it came, her mother smiled and touched Ciara’s cheek. ‘We can speak more on this when there is time. But, now, we must hurry and not keep everyone waiting.’
Her mother turned to leave once more, but Ciara was uncertain if she wanted to let this matter remain silent between them. For too many years, the question about who she was and where she fit in plagued her. Though there were mostly moments where she felt treasured and valued for herself, other moments when she thought the efforts to see her so accomplished and so educated just to make it easier to be rid of her also taunted her. Her self-confidence waned in those moments as it did now. Her expression must have revealed it to her mother.
‘I beg you, Ciara. Not now,’ her mother whispered without facing her, frightening her more than anything else ever had.
She reached over and took her mother’s hand, allowing the matter to drop back to its silent place. There would be time for her to press the issue and get the answers she craved so much.
The two of them reached the path and her father joined them, wordlessly following as they walked through the gate and into the yard of the keep. A small crowd gathered there in the quiet, mist-filled dawn, with a wagon and several mounted soldiers who would be her escort. But it was the tall warrior standing near the wagon, issuing orders in low tones, who drew her attention and made her stop so quickly that her father bumped into her. She would have tumbled to the ground had he not grabbed her shoulders and held her until she regained her balance.
‘Tavis,’ she whispered, not believing her eyes after his prior refusals. ‘Tavis.’
‘Let me see if aught is wrong,’ her father said, stepping around both her and her mother … her mother, who looked as pleased at Tavis’s presence as she was.
‘Mayhap he has seen to his other responsibilities and is now free to travel to Perthshire?’ she mused aloud.
The dark glance shared between her parents intrigued her, but Tavis’s reasons for being here interested her more. Following right behind without pause, she stepped out from his shadow and watched Tavis. Men tended not to explain themselves much and this was one of those times—a few words, a few looks and frowns and they were done. Ciara was just as confused as before, but if it meant Tavis would escort her, so much the better.
‘I appreciate this, Tavis,’ her father said. Holding out his hand, he continued, ‘More than I can say.’
More than I can say.
Ciara sighed then, understanding how many problems her previous behaviour had caused for the laird and for her parents.
No clan wanted their heir embarrassed before others and she had done exactly that twice before in turning down offers of marriage. Even if those offers were handled privately, everyone in the Highlands knew that if the MacLerie negotiator visited, business was being discussed. If his unmarried daughter accompanied him, the subject was pretty obvious to all, as it had been twice before.
The Murrays of Perthshire might be destitute, but they were proud with their own powerful connections and they’d refused to consider this betrothal without first gaining assurances that humiliation at the hands of a ‘wilful, senseless girl’ would not happen. If her parents accompanied her on this visit, a contract would be expected by all their allies and friends … and their enemies. To forestall all that, it was decided that Ciara would travel to visit her distant cousin, James’s mother Eleanor. Outside the MacLeries, no one thought this journey was more than that.
Hence the small travelling group and her parents’ ‘other commitments’ elsewhere on the earl’s business to anyone who would ask.
And one more reason she treasured her parents, for they could have simply forced her to marry a man of their choosing with little consideration of her own opinions on the matter. But she suspected that something in their past kept them from doing so … and their obvious love for her.
‘As do I,’ she added. For many reasons as well.
‘We should be on the road, then,’ Tavis said, glancing up at the ever-brightening sky. ‘The weather will not hold and there are miles to cross.’ Tavis nodded to the other men, who began to mount up. Then he glanced at her. ‘Say your farewells, Ciara.’ He walked away to check the wagon, giving her a moment of privacy with her parents.
Tears filled her eyes and she found the words she’d practised all night while tossing restlessly in her bed were stuck in her throat. But words were not necessary now, she knew that, so she just hugged her parents—the mother who supported her every step and every challenge and the stepfather who was the only father she’d ever known.
‘This is not truly farewell,’ she whispered as she held them close. ‘I will return.’
‘You will return for a happy wedding day before you leave us for …’ Her mother’s voice filled with emotion and all she could do was squeeze Ciara’s hand.
‘Whatever your decision, love, I …’ her father began to say.
‘I