Marriage had not made Paula’s list of desires, so the question of being a parent rarely entered her mind, but when it did, it sometimes stopped her cold, asking herself if she could be a good parent without having a role model. One thing she knew. Love was the key to so many things in life, and how could she not show love to a child? Ashley’s love for Joey and Kaylee, Devon’s daughter, guided her cousin’s every step, and Devon had an amazing natural knack for being a thoughtful and loving father to both children. They had become her parental role models. Late in her life to learn, yes, but she knew no one better.
Ashley had grown silent a moment, a frown settling on her face, and Paula didn’t understand the problem. Paula turned to her uncle, wondering if he had something to clue her in.
Finally, Ashley came back to life. “Sorry. I know this is the right thing to do, but I love that house and it’s hard to let go. Believe me, it’s not just my memories of Adam. It’s where I realized that I had the strength to stand up under pressure, where I learned to be a loving single mother and still hold a job, and where I awakened beneath the tree branches one day and looked into Devon’s face, a neighbor I’d seen but never met. That day changed my life.”
Paula brushed moisture from her eyes, no longer trying to hide it. “You’re right, Ash. The house has a wealth of amazing memories. One day, I hope to have a...” Before she could finish her sentence, an idea struck her. She needed a place to live, and owning a house would provide a sense of permanence to a possible employer, but more than that she loved Ashley’s comfortable house and felt certain it had more than enough space for her.
When she refocused, Ashley’s curious look caused her to confess her idea. “I have a thought.”
“A good thought?” Ashley’s tentative response made Paula grin.
“Very good, I think. My mother left me everything, and I need a house. I don’t want to go back to Roscommon. It’s a dead end for me there. Do you think—”
Ashley jumped from the sofa and flew to her side, where she plopped on the chair arm. “Paula, that’s an amazing idea. Perfect. You’d be close to us, and I would know the new owner is someone who cares about the memories and, even better, is someone we love.” She turned toward Uncle Fred. “What do you think, Dad?”
“You don’t need my approval, and I think it’s a good idea, except...” He turned his gaze from Ashley to her. “Would you feel restricted to make the house your own, Paula? If you’ll feel restrained, or Ashley...” He faced her. “If you’ll resent Paula redecorating or even renovating, then it’s not a good idea. You both need to consider that.”
Paula knew how she felt, but her uncle’s question put the possibility into a new perspective. “That’s something we have to consider, and Ash, you need to talk it over with Devon.” Though the possibility thrilled her, a problem lay ahead, and the reality drowned her excitement. “But face it, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t have a job yet. I need to put a clamp on my enthusiasm. I can’t make payments without work, and I’m not sure how long it will take to settle the estate. Mom had savings, but I’ve used some of it to live on these past weeks.” The situation crushed her spirit. She wasn’t a kid facing life for the first time. She knew hopes were one thing. Reality was another.
“But Paula, we can—”
“Ashley, I couldn’t get a mortgage right now.” Her excitement died a quiet death. “I don’t even have a down payment without nearly wiping out my mother’s savings, and I don’t know how long it will take to sell her house. I hope it’s soon, but I have no guarantee.”
Ashley shook her head. “We can work that out, and we’re not in a hurry. A sale by owner doesn’t restrict us resolving that issue, either. You’re right, though. I’ll talk with Devon, but I’m sure he’ll have no reservations.” She leaned over and kissed Paula’s cheek. “I love the idea, and even thinking about it, I’m relieved.”
Ashley’s positive attitude should have lifted her spirit, but a woman of her age didn’t go off the deep end. Her old resentment returned. She’d allowed Vic too much leeway, and while she wasn’t looking, her own savings had dwindled to little. He’d walked away, leaving her in his dust with nothing but empty hopes and an empty bank account. How could she have been so stupid?
“Hold on, Ash. Really, I need to take time. I’d love the house, but I have to use common sense. I contacted a Realtor and mother’s house should be on the market now. I’ll call them and check the status.”
Ashley’s excitement faded. “Okay, but we’ll still give it thought and I’ll talk to Devon and see if he has any ideas.”
Ideas were fine, but she had to keep her head. Having a home of her own tempted her to take chances, but getting a grip on her overexuberance, wisdom needed to come first. She’d been stupid once. Let it only be once.
They gave each other a playful handshake, and though it was lighthearted, Paula faced the depth of the decision. Problems could be resolved, but they took thought and time.
Ashley hugged her and gave her dad a peck on the cheek, then headed to her car while Paula sat and pondered the rash decision she’d wanted to make. Since moving from her mother’s home and being on her own, she’d only lived in an apartment or flat, and though she liked the possibility of owning a home, it tied her down and forced her into a commitment to stay there. Still, since coming to Ferndale, she’d wanted a place to call home, a real home, and she liked the idea of being around Clint. He’d lingered in her mind no matter how much she tried to push him out. She hoped they could become friends.
His tender smile washed over her, the crinkles around his eyes, the few silvery strands that highlighted his dark hair, the flex of his strong arms as he moved. Her past relationships broke into her thoughts and she blocked the images. Men appeared in and out of her life with no heart and no depth. She’d begun to think most men were like that. Her father had been, as far as she knew. He’d walked out on them, apparently with no looking back. Vic had kept the apartment and sent her packing. But Devon and Clint, even her uncle Fred, proved that some men were different. Some had the capacity to care and love...really love.
That had been her problem. She’d made rotten decisions because she wanted to be loved and had no idea how to make it happen.
And it never did.
* * *
Clint parked on the street and made his way to Devon’s front door. Before he rang the bell, the door opened, and Ashley greeted him. “Good timing. I just put out some appetizers.” She motioned him inside. “We’ll order pizza a little later.”
“Sounds great.” He stepped through the door, his gaze sweeping the living room and dining room. He recognized Devon’s brother and a few of the others, but he didn’t see Paula. His breath hitched as he wrestled a frown from his face.
“Make yourself at home.” Ashley swung her arm toward the dining room, where he saw food spread on the table.
Disappointed, he headed toward the appetizers. He’d come to the party, and he’d make the best of it.
“Clint.”
He paused and turned her way.
“Some of the guests are in the backyard. We’ve been blessed with a bit of Indian summer.” She grinned. “Drinks are there, too.”
Hoping she hadn’t seen his reaction, he called a thanks over his shoulder and inspected the hors d’oeuvres, his stomach knotted with anticipation. He slipped some veggies and dip onto a paper plate, took a couple of taco chips and guacamole and pushed open the backdoor, trying to focus on getting a cola. But the bluff ended there. His true purpose was to see Paula.
And he saw her when he stepped outside. She sat in a canvas folding chair, the sun glinting streaks of gold in her hair, today the color of caramel. Beside her, he recognized one of Ashley’s friends, and he hesitated to interrupt. Instead, he found the cooler loaded with soft drinks and, on the picnic table,