like everything had changed between them.
She cared for him. She was hesitant to use the L word but it was there in her mind. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to hide from the truth.
She disentangled his arm from her leg, slid off the bed and put her nightshirt back on. “I know how you feel. And as much as I would miss you, if I had the power to make it so you could go on this mission, I would do it.”
* * *
HE LOOKED AT HER. Somehow without his intending it, she’d become his best friend. She got him. She understood him in ways he wasn’t too sure he wanted anyone to, but she did.
“Mol,” he said, “what am I going to do?”
She came closer to the bed and touched him gently. “You’ll figure it out.”
“How?”
“I have no idea. But I know you will. And I can promise that it’s not going to be what you expect, but it will get done, anyway.”
“I’m sorry I’ve shut you out,” he admitted.
“Me, too. I was worried you’d treat me like a consolation prize if you couldn’t actively participate in the Cronus missions,” she said, turning her face away from him.
Damn. He’d worried about that himself. He’d been afraid that he’d make her his whole life because he wouldn’t know what else to do. That fear was still there.
What kind of man turned to a woman when he no longer knew who he was?
Jason couldn’t answer that. Hell, he kept hoping...but hope wasn’t realistic. For the first time in many years he felt as he had when his mom died. He’d spent all those nights praying it was all a nightmare, that he’d wake up hearing her key in the door...
Now he knew that hope was a fool’s dream. And he needed to own this new life.
Parts of it weren’t bad. Not at all.
This bond with Molly was something that soothed the savage part of his soul. The part he’d always tried to suppress and hide from everyone. Finally, he didn’t have to anymore. And that was what he’d been waiting for. Space had given him the accolades and the career he’d always craved, but Molly had given him back a piece of himself that he’d never realized was missing.
“Thank you,” he said.
She put her hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to thank me. It is partially selfishness that brought me here. I need you.”
She needed him.
He thought of all the men he’d been pretending to be for his entire life and knew that in this moment he had to stand up and do it for real. She needed him and he wanted to be the man who was there for her.
He shifted to the edge of the bed, sat up and put his arm around her, hugging her close to his side. “I think I need you, too.”
“Think?”
“When Mom died, I promised myself I’d never depend on anyone again, but I feel different with you.”
* * *
MOLLY KNEW THAT Jason was a man who’d lost everything, so letting his words affect her as deeply as they did probably wasn’t wise. But it was hard not to. He was the man she’d always wanted. She wished she’d known that long ago, but it was something that had only been revealed with time.
“I’m different with you, too,” she admitted. “I almost didn’t come here tonight. You wouldn’t have believed how timid I felt standing in the hallway.”
“I can believe it. I’ve wanted to reach out, but I feel so broken. And I know the kind of man you deserve. The kind of man I thought I was. And now—”
“Stop it,” she said. “You are still the man you always were. It’s just a change in direction, not a completely different path. You won’t be cut off from everything you’ve known and done before.”
He stood up and put his hands on her shoulders and she had the feeling that maybe she was making it too easy for him to be with her, devaluing herself. She wanted him. But she needed to be wanted for herself. Not as an outlet for his mixed feelings about his own future at this moment.
But then he leaned over and kissed her, whispered in her ear how glad he was that she was there with him.
He lifted her in his arms and carried her back to his bed.
“Talking about our feelings is different for us,” she said.
He gave her a half smile. “It is, but maybe this is how we will be from now on.”
“From now on?” she asked.
“Yeah, you and me. This isn’t just a fling, is it?”
She propped herself up on her elbows. She’d come here to get him motivated and make sure he was committed long-term to the facility and in some small way to her. Of course, she wanted whatever was happening between them to last, but something didn’t feel right.
“It’s not a fling, but I think we should take it day by day, for now. You are going through a big change...”
“Don’t you trust me?” he asked, putting his hand on the bed next to her hip and leaning over her.
“Maybe,” she admitted. “I think you are confused about what’s going on with your career. You haven’t even told me the doctor’s latest prognosis. Are you out for good? Is there a chance you could be called back to active duty?” she asked.
She had a lot more questions, but having come in here and nudged him out of his melancholy she wasn’t ready to stop. She needed to know more before she just said yes to Jason. And it wasn’t like she had tons of other offers or men waiting for her. There was just Jason and a part of her acknowledged there would probably only ever be him. She realized he made her feel alive and in love. And she didn’t want to take a chance on ruining that feeling by letting herself believe he also loved her when he just needed a distraction from his life.
“Okay,” he said, moving over to sit next to her on the bed. He propped a pillow behind his back and leaned against it.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll tell you what the doctor said. The change in bone density, while positive, is small. I mean, if I only make progress at the same rate over the next six weeks...” He trailed off and she realized that before this he’d believed he could easily lick this bone-density problem, but now he wasn’t sure.
He’d taken a hit to his confidence.
“Okay, well, I don’t know much about your recovery, medically, but I do know that you sound like a man who’s given up and that’s not the Jason—Ace—McCoy I know,” she said.
“You’re right. No one knows for sure—even Dennis said he wouldn’t decide until the initial three months were up. He was hoping that Doctor Tomlin would find something concrete and she’d be able to give me a green light early. But seeing how little things had improved was a wake-up call,” he said. “No matter how hard I work or how well I eat I might not be able to fix this.”
“What kind of wake-up call?” she asked.
“The kind that makes a man take stock of his life. If I’m not going to be on the Cronus missions, then I need to make a life for myself here on Earth.”
“With me?” she asked.
“That’s what I want, but I get that you aren’t ready to commit to me until we know for sure.”
“That’s not it. Life doesn’t work like that, does it? We can’t predict what’s going to happen next. If we could, I’d have been prepared for Dad’s death and for you coming back here. And you would have known you were going to have health problems,” she said. She was trying to guard her heart. That was why she’d thought they shouldn’t commit