forgive me if I don’t want to go along for the ride.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “It won’t last forever. Once I’m appointed CEO things will change.”
“It’ll never change. I think you left a piece of yourself on that racetrack, Riccardo. Nothing you do lives up to that, but you’ll never stop looking, needing that adrenalin.”
The color in his cheeks darkened to a deep, livid red. “Don’t try and play psychologist, Lilly. You’re not even close.”
But she knew she was. She could see it in his face. And finally she felt she was starting to understand him. “Your need for a challenge will always be there. And everyone around you suffers. Our kids would have suffered if we’d been foolish enough to have had them.”
“You know that would have changed things.”
“No, I don’t. We couldn’t even keep a dog alive, Riccardo. How would a child have worked?”
The stormclouds in his eyes turned black and dangerous. “That’s a ridiculous comparison. Brooklyn was a wild dog. There was nothing we could have done to prevent her death.”
She knew he was right. From the day they’d found Brooklyn, a German Shepherd puppy, injured on their street and taken her in, she’d never lost her lust for adventure or for chasing cars.
“You promised you’d train her,” she said roughly. “Just like you promised to be around more and you never were.”
His mouth flattened into a grim line. “You just can’t take your fair share for what happened, can you? You shut me out until I was tired of being verbally slapped in the face every time I walked through the door. And I’m the bad guy for not being around enough? You have a distorted view of the world, Lilly.”
The couple beside them suddenly seemed awfully close, their curious gazes on the two of them. Lilly waited until Riccardo had steered them away. “We can talk until we’re blue in the face but it isn’t going to change the things that were wrong with us.”
His fingers tightened around her waist. “Every marriage has its ups and downs. You work through them. You don’t run away.”
She swallowed hard. If only he knew how badly she’d tried to stick it out. To be what he needed.
His gaze burned into hers, radiating a warning that was impossible to ignore. “We are not over, Lilly.”
“We will be in six months.”
“And what a six months it’s going to be...” He lifted his chin. “Buckle up, tesoro, it’s going to be quite a ride.”
A shiver ran through her. The flicker of the gorgeous two-carat canary-yellow diamond he’d bought to replace the one she’d told him she’d lost shimmered where her hand rested on his shoulder. If he seemed angry now, it would be nothing compared to how he’d react if he knew the truth about what had really happened to the ring.
The organizer of the fashion show waved at her. Her heart lifted to her throat. She did not want to do this. The guillotine seemed preferable. But she nodded back at her. The sooner she did this the sooner it was going to be over.
“I have to go.”
The tremulous note in her voice drew her husband’s eye. He slid his fingers under her chin and drew her gaze up to his. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re nervous.”
“I’m not.”
She waited for him to release her, but he pulled her closer instead, his eyes flashing as he anchored her against his hard, muscled length. “There was always one way to cure your nerves...”
Lilly started to protest, but he’d already brought his mouth down on hers. His palm cradled her jaw, holding her still while he explored the soft curves of her lips so thoroughly it felt as if he was memorizing them all over again. The heat that flashed between them was undeniable, as life-giving as it had been destructive. She told herself to stop, to end it, but it was impossible not to rise on tiptoes and kiss him back.
No one kissed like Riccardo. No one.
She stepped back, her gaze on his face, wanting him to feel as shaken, as flustered as she was. All she saw was a man still so firmly in control he looked as if he could have been carved out of stone. “Now you have color in your face,” he murmured, releasing her and giving her a tap on the behind. “Off you go.”
Confused, not sure which way was north and which was south, Lilly did as she was told, following the organizer, Kelly Rankin, to the temporary fitting rooms. Funnily enough, she did feel calmer.
Antonia Abelli stripped Lilly down to her underwear. “Buon Dio,” she breathed, casting a critical eye over the demure bra and panties Lilly had on. “Really?” She disappeared and came back with flimsy, lacy, non-existent underwear. She told Lilly to put it on. “They’re yours. Riccardo will thank me later.”
No, he wouldn’t. Lilly tried to tell herself that as she closed the curtain on the tiny little changing space and exchanged her own “nothing” underwear for the exquisite lace. This was not a real marriage. And she was definitely not sleeping with Riccardo.
“You need to give me the dress,” she told Antonia, peeking around the curtain. “I’m not going out there like this.”
The designer whipped the curtain away and gave her a critical look. “You look hot in those.”
“Yes, well—” She gasped as Antonia grabbed her arm and yanked her out. Shoulders slumping, cheeks on fire, she stood there, in the middle of all the pre-show chaos, a multitude of mirrors surrounding her, wanting to sink into the floor. Riccardo might have said he liked the changes, but there was too much flesh on her butt for comfort, and too much in her cleavage too, if the truth were told. And her thighs—well, they just looked big. She’d bet five of her extra pounds were there, as if she’d reached down and slapped a piece of chocolate cake on them.
“Turn,” Antonia ordered, whipping her around with firm hands.
Lilly did her best to ignore all the rail-thin women being dressed around her. But it was hard to because that was her ideal. That was what she thought she should look like.
“You have an unrealistic view of your body that has nothing to do with reality.” Her therapist’s words echoed in her ears. “You need to change the input you give your brain.”
She tried to look at herself objectively, but it was impossible to concentrate in the middle of a gazillion bodies racing around tucking people in, touching up hair and makeup and waving clipboards. She felt dizzy just watching them. Or was that because her chest felt so tight it was hard to breathe?
One pass down the runway, she told herself, pressing clammy palms together. That was all she had to do.
Antonia pulled the stunning white gown emblazoned with vibrant purple roses over her head and knelt to adjust the hem. Lilly’s eyes connected with a hard-looking blond’s in the mirror. “Hell,” she muttered, her throat tightening. Lacey Craig. Gossip columnist and bitch extraordinaire. The woman who’d begun the end of her marriage.
Lacey sauntered up. “Nice to have you back on the scene.”
Why? Because you missed having a punching bag? Lilly looked down at Antonia’s updo for fear she might lose it. Lacey had been the worst of the worst when it had come to her and Riccardo’s breakup. She’d splashed lurid details—some of them true, some of them not—across the pages of Manhattan’s most widely read tabloid. And would have done worse if Lilly hadn’t stopped her.
“You might want to watch the weight, though,” Lacey commented, running her gaze over her. “Wouldn’t want your sexy husband straying again.”
Antonia rose to her full five-foot-two inches and nodded at a security guard. “Get her out of here.”
Lacey