abs, he stuck his head back in the fridge. “This fridge is empty.”
“Kayla’s giving me a lift into the village later so I’ll pick something up.” Her phone beeped, and she dug it out of her pocket. “Oh—”
Tyler pushed the door shut with his shoulder and then caught sight of her expression. “What’s wrong?”
“Kayla texted to say she’s tied up with work, that’s all.”
“Sounds painful. Never mind. I’ll go to the store tomorrow.”
Jess stared at her phone. “I need to go now.”
“Why? We both hate shopping. It can wait.”
“This can’t wait.” Her head was down, but he saw color streak across her cheekbones.
“Is this about Christmas? Because it’s not for another couple of weeks. We still have plenty of time. Most of my shopping gets done at three o’clock on Christmas Eve.”
“It’s not about Christmas! Dad, I need—” she broke off, her face scarlet “—some things from the store, that’s all.”
“What can you possibly need that can’t wait until tomorrow?”
“Girl stuff, okay? I need girl stuff!” Snapping at him, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the room leaving Tyler staring after her, trying to understand the reason for the sudden mood explosion.
Girl stuff?
It took him a moment, and then he closed his eyes briefly and swore under his breath.
Girl stuff.
Comprehension came along with a moment of pure panic. Nothing in his past life had prepared him to raise a teenager. Especially not a teenage girl.
When had she—?
He glanced toward the door, knowing he had to say something, but clueless as to the most sensitive way to broach a topic that embarrassed the hell out of both of them.
Could he ignore it?
Tell her to search the internet?
He ran his hand over his face and cursed under his breath, knowing he couldn’t ignore it or leave something that important to a search engine.
It wasn’t as if she had her mother to ask. He was the only parent in her life. And right now she was probably thinking that was a raw deal.
“Jess!” He yelled after her, and when there was no response, he strode out of the kitchen and found her tugging her boots on in the hall. “Get in the car. I’ll take you to the store.”
“Forget it.” Her voice was muffled, her hair falling forward over her face. “I’m going to walk over to the house and ask Grandma to drive me.”
“Grandma hates driving in the snow and the dark. I’ll take you.” His voice was rougher than he intended, and he stretched out a hand to touch her shoulder and then pulled it back. To hug or not to hug? He had no idea. “I was going to the store anyway.”
“You were going tomorrow, not today.”
“Well, now I’m going today.” He grabbed his coat. “Come on. We’ll pick up some of that chocolate you like.” Still not looking at him, she fiddled with her boots, and he sighed, wishing for the hundredth time that teenage girls came with an operating manual.
“Jess, it’s all good.”
“It’s not good,” she muttered in a strangled tone, “it’s like a massive avalanche of awkward! You’re thinking this is your worst nightmare.”
“I’m not thinking that.” He gripped the door handle. “I’m thinking I’m messing it up. I’m saying the wrong things and making you feel uncomfortable, which is not my intention.”
She peeped at him through her hair. “You’re wishing I’d never come to live here.”
He’d thought they’d got past that. The insecurity. Those creeping, confidence-eroding doubts that had eaten away at her happiness. “I’m not wishing that.”
“Mom told me she wished I’d never been born.”
Tyler zipped up his jacket viciously, almost removing a finger in the process. “She didn’t mean that.” He dragged open the door, grateful for the blast of freezing air to cool his temper.
“Yes, she did.” Jess mumbled the words. “She told me I was the worst thing that ever happened to her.”
“Well, I’ve never thought that. Not once. Not even when my socks are wet because you’ve let the dogs drag snow into the house.”
“You didn’t sign up for any of this.” Her voice faltered, and the uncertainty in her eyes made him want to punch a hole through something.
“I tried to. I asked your mom to marry me.”
“I know. She said no because she thought you’d be a useless father. I heard her telling my stepdad. She said you were irresponsible.”
Tyler felt the emotion rush at him. “Yeah, well, that may be true, but it doesn’t change the fact I wanted you, Jess, right from the start. And when your mother wouldn’t agree to marry me, I tried other ways of having you live here with us. Why the hell are we talking about this now?”
“Because it’s the truth. I was a mistake.” Jess gave a tiny shrug as if it didn’t matter, and because he knew how much it mattered, he hesitated, knowing that the way he responded was vitally important to the way she felt about this whole situation.
“We didn’t exactly plan to have you, that’s true. I’m not going to lie about that, but you can’t plan every single thing that happens in life. People think they can. They think they can control things and then whoosh—something happens that proves you’re not as in control as you think. And sometimes it’s the things you don’t plan that turn out best.”
“I wasn’t one of those things. Mom told me I was the biggest mistake of her life.”
His hands clenched into fists and he had to force himself to stay calm. “She was probably upset or tired.”
“It was the time I snowboarded down the stairs.”
Tyler managed a smile. “Right, well, there you go. That’s why.” He dragged her against him and hugged her, feeling her skinny body and the familiar scent of her hair. His daughter. His child. “You’re the best thing that happened to me. You’re an O’Neil all the way, and sometimes that drives your mom a little crazy, that’s all. She doesn’t have that much love for us O’Neils. But she loves you. I know she does.” He didn’t know that, but he reined in his natural urge to speak the truth.
“Her family isn’t close like ours, and that makes her jealous.” Her voice was muffled against his chest, and he felt her arms tighten around him.
“You may skip classes, but you’re not stupid.”
Jess pulled away, her cheeks streaked pink. “Is that why you don’t want to ever get married? Because of what happened with Mom?”
How was he supposed to answer that?
He’d learned that with Jess, the questions came with no warning. She bottled stuff up and held it inside until she burst with trying to contain it.
“Some people aren’t the marrying type, and I’m one of those.”
“Why?”
Tyler decided he’d rather ski a vertical slope in the dark with his eyes closed than have this conversation. “All people are good at some things and bad at others. I’m bad at relationships. I don’t make women happy.” Just ask your mother. “Women who care about me often end up being hurt.”
“So you’re never going to get involved with anyone again?