with the desperate urgency she had felt before as if they hadn’t made love.
“Ava,” he said, framing her face with his hands. “Marry me.”
Astonished, she looked into his dark eyes. Her heart pounded and she couldn’t get her breath. She wanted to cry out “yes” and not think of anything else, but she knew better than to do that.
“You don’t mean that, Will. You’ve never said you love me. You’ve told me over and over you want me. That’s different.”
“I want you. I’ve never wanted anyone more,” he declared solemnly. “I can’t do anything for thinking about you. I want you in my life all the time.”
His words both were wonderful and hurt her. She was glad he wanted her, yet that’s all it was, pure physical desire. Not a deep and lasting love. She had known real love once and she couldn’t settle for less again.
“Do you want me because you see that as the only way to get me in your bed on a long-term basis? Do you want to marry me because it would be convenient for Caroline? I know it would please her. She makes that obvious, but we can’t marry to please a child. Not even Caroline.”
“Ava, I’m proposing to you,” he said.
“I love you,” she said, gazing into his brown eyes. “I’ve loved you most of this summer, but it’s futile. I won’t marry without love. Will, your heart isn’t in your proposal.”
“Of course, it is,” he said. “Ava, I wouldn’t propose lightly.”
“I doubt if you’ve even thought about proposing for a long time. This is sudden because you desire me intensely. That’s wonderful, Will, but I want more. I want it all. I want your heart and your commitment. In good times and in bad.”
“Ava, you have all that. I’ve proposed to you—something I never expected to do, but you’re special.”
“‘Never expected’ I think covers it. You haven’t given this a lot of thought and it hasn’t come out of love. It’s from desire and wanting an affair. I can’t do that, Will. I want the real thing,” she said, feeling as if her insides were breaking and shattering, her heart splintering into a million broken pieces like shattered crystal. She hurt and hoped he never realized how badly. Her hands were knotted and she felt as cold as ice even though it was a late summer evening.
He stared at her and she could see she had touched on an aspect that he didn’t want to deal with. With her heartbeat still racing and longing pulling at her, she shook her head. “It won’t work out for us, Will. I’m sorry, but it’s impossible. I don’t think you’ve thought your proposal through.”
She waited while a clock ticked away the seconds.
“What I feel is love,” he finally answered.
“What you feel is lust.” She hurt all over and tears stung her eyes. She wanted to toss aside logic and accept his proposal, but she knew a spur of the moment proposal of marriage would lead to trouble. There hadn’t been declarations of love. Will wanted an affair so badly he was reaching for a quick solution.
She wiped away tears swiftly and refused to let herself consider his proposal. Reality painted a clear picture that left only one answer—no. They could not marry and expect happiness. His family pattern would continue with another doomed marriage unless he could love her.
“I think I should go. The deep, lasting love doesn’t exist for you. Without that, there’s just no future for us, Will.” She left in a rush, wanting to get away before she shed the tears that she held back.
She left the mansion, slipping out without telling his brothers goodbye, feeling she couldn’t be around Will another minute without crying.
In her silent condo, she sobbed, falling across her bed to let go.
Three weeks later, school started for Caroline. Ava saw her the next day, waiting at the house when Caroline returned in the limo with Rosalyn.
The minute Caroline saw Ava she tossed down her books to dash to hug Ava, Muffy excitedly rushing around the girl’s legs.
“Tell me about school,” Ava said, listening while Caroline talked, marveling how much she had changed since Ava first met her.
Ava heard about school and was thrilled that Caroline was happy, smiling, talking about her new friend, Kellie. Ava spent an hour, then kissed Caroline goodbye and drove home while she could still avoid seeing Will. That night she called him to ask if Caroline could stay with her Saturday afternoon and overnight. After they made arrangements, they talked another three hours. When she hung up, she looked at the phone. “You’re not out of my life yet, Will Delaney. You should be, but you’re not.” She missed him more instead of less. He had been friendly, flirted with her, but hadn’t asked her out again. Had he given up? She loved him and his proposal haunted her. She missed him more each day and the moments she saw him at his mansion were the best time of day.
Saturday morning she was eager to see Caroline. She dressed in cutoffs and a red knit shirt, ready for a day of play. She had been told Rosalyn would accompany Caroline in the limo and that tomorrow Will would pick her up. She was glad she wouldn’t see Will today; she needed to keep her focus on Caroline—not her shattered heart.
At three, when the limo pulled up, Ava ran to get Caroline’s presents—books and a little coat for the brown bear, plus a pink bandanna for Muffy—returning just as the bell rang. Smiling with joy at the prospect of seeing Caroline, she flung open the door. “Come—” She stopped, looking up at Will.
Twelve
“Where’s Caroline? Is she all right?” she asked, going cold while her heart raced.
Will stepped inside and closed the door, taking the present from her to set it on a table.
“Caroline’s fine and you’ll see her very soon. I wanted to talk to you first.”
“She’s waiting in the car?”
“No, she’s home. I let her know she’ll be seeing you very soon.”
“Will, what on earth?” she asked, calming down, but becoming annoyed, yet aware of how handsome he looked in jeans and a charcoal knit shirt. “You scared me to pieces. I thought something happened to her.”
He pulled her into his arms. “I came over to do this right. I’ve been thinking about us.”
“There just is no ‘us,’” she said, her exasperation fading as she saw the desire in his dark eyes. “You don’t get that,” she added, her voice changing, becoming breathless while her pulse speeded.
“Ava, I went about this all wrong. I told you I want you in my life. I’ve thought for hours about what you said. I want you to marry me,” he said, withdrawing a black box from his pocket and holding it out to her.
She stared at it, but wouldn’t touch it. “Will, we’ve been over this and why it won’t work.”
“It will work. I love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you so the other night. I didn’t even know what love really is, until I met you.”
Startled, she drew a deep breath and her heart began to pound faster.
“Ava, I’ll support you in whatever you do. I want to marry you.”
“What about your father’s marriage and your brother’s marriage?”
“You’re not like my mother or like Lauren. I can have a happy marriage if it’s with you. I love you with all my heart. I need you in too many ways to count. I want to share my life with you. Will you marry me?” he asked again, holding the box higher.
“Are you sure? You mean it? You’ve really thought this through?”
“I have. I’ve never been happier than this summer when you lived with us, when we made love and when you’re there for Caroline.