me. I’ve seen it before. In his eyes. In the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not watching him. When he thinks no one is watching. He’d never said anything wrong to her. Not a misplaced word. Never done anything wrong. But...she’d sensed the awareness between them. The attraction.
She’d ignored it. Or tried to. Maybe he’d slipped into her dreams some nights. His dark eyes and his strong hands. His sexy mouth. But those had just been dreams. Dreams that worked their way past the nightmares she had so often.
I thought the nightmares would stop when we finally caught Daniel. The nightmares and pain. But the pain Macey felt was still just as strong as ever.
Will the nightmares be just as strong, too? Because maybe she wasn’t going to ever get over the attack. She’d wanted to be strong, but she just felt so twisted on the inside.
He’s dead. He’s dead. And when I first saw the body...the first thing I thought was...
He’d gotten what he deserved.
Pain twisted within her even more. What am I becoming? “Make it go away,” Macey said again. She tightened her hold on Bowen’s shoulders and pushed onto her tiptoes. “Please.”
His lips parted as if he would speak, but she didn’t give him the chance. Macey pressed her lips to his. Her kiss wasn’t seductive or teasing. It was desperate. She was desperate. And he—
His hands tightened on her shoulders and he slowly pushed her back.
Oh. My. God. The pain in her chest just got worse.
His eyes seemed to have gone even darker as he stared at her. “What are you doing?”
She’d thought she was kissing him. Her cheeks burned.
“Do you have any idea how dangerous this is?” His hold on her shoulders didn’t ease. If anything, his grip grew harder as a muscle jerked along his jaw. “You don’t want to play with me.”
She wasn’t playing. And she wasn’t going to hold back. She couldn’t, not then. Macey was far too raw for any sort of games. “Do you want me?”
He sucked in a sharp breath.
“Because I think you do.” She was putting it all out there. Macey couldn’t think about consequences in that moment. She didn’t want to think of them. Pain seemed to be eating her up from the inside out, and she wanted to escape that pain.
Pleasure—pleasure would combat pain. But she wasn’t going out and hooking up with some random stranger. She couldn’t. Not with her past. She was always too afraid of the secrets others might be keeping. Secrets meant danger.
Bowen wasn’t some stranger. Bowen. She trusted him. He was her partner. Her friend. And that night, she wanted him to be more.
“Yes.” He seemed to hiss the word. “I fucking want you.” His voice had never sounded so rough to her before. Her heart thudded in her chest. “But I’ve been doing a damn fine job of keeping my hands off you.”
Yes, he had. Never a wrong touch. Never a wrong word. “They aren’t off me now,” she whispered.
His eyes narrowed. “Macey, you are playing with fire.”
Only because she wanted to get burned. “I don’t want your hands off me. I want them all over me. I want you.” There. She’d done it. Laid her pride bare to him. He’d pushed her away when she kissed him, so maybe she should have just kept her mouth shut, but Macey wasn’t herself that night. She felt as if she’d shattered into a million pieces and then been put together all wrong. Everything was wrong and she just needed the world to stop spinning so wildly, for just a few moments. To just stop.
“Be careful what you say.”
“I’m always careful. Every moment of every single day.” Even before her attack, she’d been so careful. The studious college coed. The diligent MD student. The hardworking resident. She’d been the good girl all her life, and what had it gotten her?
Scars. Pain.
I came back together wrong.
“I don’t want to be careful tonight.” Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he didn’t understand—“Tonight,” Macey blurted. “That’s all I want.” She wasn’t looking for some kind of a forever promise. She didn’t want one. She needed to feel something other than pain. Needed to see something other than Daniel’s dead body.
Right then, she was staring into Bowen’s eyes. And she could see, she could see—
He wants me.
“Spell it out for me, Mace,” he said. “Tell me exactly what you want tonight.”
“I want you.” She licked her lips. His gaze immediately dropped to her mouth and she swore the darkness of his stare heated. “I want you to make l—have sex.” She stumbled over the words. “With me.” They wouldn’t be making love. Love didn’t enter into the equation.
“We’re partners. The FBI won’t let us cross that line,” Bowen said. “You know—”
“We’re not dating, Bowen. And the FBI brass isn’t here.” Yes, she was breaking rules. Screw it. “I want to be with you. But if you want me to go—” Don’t, don’t, don’t.
He didn’t speak. She wouldn’t fall apart. Her chin lifted and she pulled away from him, stepping back. “I see.” He was blocking the door. Another problem. How could she make her not-so-graceful exit when he was in the way? “Will you please move?”
His face was so tight and hard. Angry. But he stepped to the side. She reached for the door. Opened it—
Only to have Bowen’s hand fly up and slam that door shut again. Suddenly, he was right behind her, his body surrounding hers. His hand was pressed to the door just above hers, and his face was bent beside hers. “Remember, when this is over—” his words were a rumble “—you came to me. You asked for me.”
Slowly, but with her heart racing so fast and hard she feared he could hear the frantic beat, Macey turned to face Bowen. He’d trapped her between the door and the burning heat of his body. “I know exactly what I’m asking for.” If he thought she’d regret this in the morning, he was wrong.
But Bowen shook his head. “Not what, Mace.” Mace. For some reason, when he said her nickname—the nickname that only he used—her breath stuttered a bit. “Who. Remember who you asked for. Who you wanted.” His eyes never left hers. “You wanted me. You came to me.”
He wasn’t going to let her leave. She saw that, felt it with utter certainty. She would have smiled but she was having trouble breathing because, yes, this was going to happen. She’d escape her pain for a bit and then she’d wake up tomorrow and the world would be back to its tainted self.
But that was tomorrow.
For the night...
“If I kiss you again, will you push me away?” Macey asked him.
“I’ll never let you get the fuck away.”
Maybe his words should have scared her. But they didn’t. He didn’t mean those words. They were only talking about the night. Nothing more than that. Just hours in the dark.
“Open your mouth for me,” he told her. “Let me in this time.”
Then he was the one to kiss her. And she made sure her lips were parted. His tongue swept inside her mouth and there was nothing hesitant about his kiss. It was hot. It was rough. It was consuming. And it was exactly what she wanted.
She gave herself fully to his kiss, holding nothing back. With her eyes closed, with her body pressed to his and her mouth desperate on his, she didn’t see her past. She didn’t see anything at all. Macey just felt. And she liked how she was feeling.
His hands were sliding down her back. Pressing to the curve of her hips, dragging her even