Not me.”
“I rarely talk about it to anyone.”
Her expression solemn, she asked, “So the accident is why you never planned to have a family again?”
“My family was taken from me. I knew I couldn’t replace them.” He shrugged even though he was feeling anything but casual. “Felicia was one of a kind. She understood me and I understood her. We always got along without a hitch and the baby was a dream come true for the both of us. Once they were gone there was nothing left in my life but an empty hole. And I’ve never seen any way to fill it.”
“I see,” she murmured stiffly.
Did she? Most of the time, Liam had difficulty understanding his own feelings about the situation so he doubted she could grasp the state of his heart. But whether she appreciated how that part of his past had affected him didn’t really matter now. This was a new baby. And even though he’d not planned on it, his life was about to change.
“That probably sounds hard to you. If it does, I’m sorry. I’m not really a hard man, Kitty.”
A faint smile touched her lips and Liam was surprised at how much he would like to kiss her, to have that soft sweetness against his mouth, feel her warm breath caress his cheek.
“I’ve not ever thought that about you, Liam. Driven maybe. But not hard.”
He took another sip of his drink and realized the cocktail wasn’t nearly strong enough to slow the whirling thoughts in his head. Normally he was a cool, calculating man, his mind razor sharp. But Kitty and news of the baby had melted the ice water in his veins. Damn it. Right now he was feeling too much. Thinking too much.
“My work is what keeps me going,” he admitted. “Ever since I lost Felicia and the baby I’ve made horses and racing my whole life.”
“Well, you’re definitely making a name for yourself. For the past few years you’ve made plenty of owners and trainers bow down to you.”
He chuckled at her choice of words. “Bow? I didn’t know anyone had ever seen me wearing my crown, I always make a point to leave it locked in the vault at home.”
The smile fighting its way across her face warmed him.
“You hardly need to wear a crown, Liam. Everyone around the West Coast tracks think you’re royalty.”
“Only the West Coast?”
That made her laugh and he realized it was the first joyous sound he’d heard her make today. He also realized how good her laughter made him feel.
“I don’t know why anyone would have that idea about me,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ve never won a training title at any track in this area. Up until this year I’ve never brought that many horses to California to even vie for one.”
“No. But you have a high win percentage with the amount you do bring,” she pointed out.
The waiter arrived with their salads and once they were alone again, she wasted no time in drenching the pile of greens with black pepper and forking up a piece of romaine lettuce.
Following her example, he dug into his own salad and swallowed several bites before he spoke again. “I’ve brought some of my best out here this spring. I’m hoping to show some of the big owners and trainers that the Diamond D stables can compete on any level.”
She sighed. “I’m hoping just to measure up to Dad’s standards. And that isn’t going to be easy.”
“Nothing about this business is easy.” He settled a soft gaze on her face. “But you shouldn’t worry, Kitty. You’ll do your father proud.”
Kitty looked at him and was suddenly horrified to feel tears glazing her eyes. All day long she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t become emotional tonight while she sat across the dinner table from Liam. But that promise had been impossible to keep. When he spoke of her father it ripped her heart. And when he’d talked about losing his wife and baby, she’d felt deep down hurt. For him and for herself. It was clear to her that he was still suffering and that meant he wasn’t ready to love again. Not her or any woman. Oh, God, why did that crush her so? Why couldn’t she look at him, be near him and feel nothing more than mild affection?
“Well, I’m going to do everything in my power to make him proud,” she said huskily. And to hold on to what was rightfully hers, she could have added. But tonight wasn’t the time to tell Liam about the edict her father had left in his will. Tonight was about the baby and how the two of them were going to deal with becoming parents.
A faint smile touched his lips and Kitty felt her heart flutter like a young girl experiencing her first crush. It was crazy to be reacting to this man in such a way, yet at the same time it was exhilarating. And she suddenly realized that Liam had done something she’d thought impossible. He’d broken through the numbness of her grief and made her feel again, want to live again.
“I have no doubts about that,” he said. “The first time I ever met your father, you were trailing alongside him. I’m sure during all those years you’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge.”
She certainly had, Kitty thought dourly. She’d learned firsthand knowledge about controlling men and fractious horses. Neither of which she’d learned how to handle entirely.
“I tried,” was all she allowed herself to say.
He ate several bites of salad then said, “So tell me about your health. Are you feeling well? And the baby?”
Glad that he’d given her a couple of easy questions, she nodded. “I had a few bouts of nausea in my second and third month. But that’s past. So far I’m doing fine. And the baby appears to be healthy and growing.”
He looked visibly relieved and she could only wonder what the news of this baby had done to him. Brought up memories too painful to bear? Or was he seeing this child as a second chance for him to be a father? If they were a true couple she wouldn’t be wondering about those things, she would already know. But Kitty doubted they would ever be that close. Close enough for her to see into his heart. The notion saddened her. She’d always wanted to be important to this man and now that she was having his child that need had only intensified.
“I’m glad. Let’s pray everything stays that way,” he said then asked, “When are you due to give birth?”
Yes, he would be praying, she thought. She could already see that he wanted this child and since he’d already lost one baby, he probably wouldn’t relax until this one had safely arrived. And no doubt the loss of that earlier child would only make him want to cling to this one even more.
It terrified her to think he might eventually want to yank their child from her arms and carry it back to his home in New Mexico. As Clayton had hinted, Liam could be ruthless toward his staff if he believed they were neglecting their duties. She didn’t want that merciless determination directed at her or their child. But so far tonight, she’d not picked up on any sign of that, thank God. Because she had no intention of giving up her rights as a mother.
“The first week of July or somewhere near then,” she answered then sighed with resignation. The American Oaks would be running almost at the same time. It was the race that would determine the very fate of her career. She had to win, or at the very least place in the top three. Otherwise, she was in danger of losing everything.
“That’s right in the heart of racing season.”
“You don’t have to remind me. I have Black Dahlia’s nomination fee for the Oaks already paid. I’ll probably go into labor when the bugler calls for post time,” she said with wry humor. “But we’ll see. Whatever happens, Clayton is a very good assistant. I can trust him to handle things while I’m in the hospital.”
She could feel his gaze sliding keenly over her face and she fought the urge to shift uncomfortably in her chair.
“And afterward?” he asked. “What do